Call of Duty (all) Black Ops one shots

I didn't mean it. | Beck x Reader

TW - Mentions of self harm and suicide. 
Suicide attempt.

♤♤♤♤ (Y/N)'s POV. ♤♤♤♤

"Ugh!" A stack full of papers came flying off the counter with the swipe of his hand. I stepped back swiftly, avoiding the wave of the white sheets shooting at me. "There is no way these bills are past due and not paid yet!" He became frustrated, his hands slamming down on the counter. His body hunched over from his shoulders towards the counter. I slowly walked towards him past the papers that covered the floor, putting my hand on his back in reassurance. His body pulled from my light grasp, turning to the side. My hand went from on his back to in the air within seconds as his wrist backhanded mine. His face immediately shifted to angry and pained to confused, and worried. I pulled my wrist back, touching where the impact was made. 

My hand rubbed my wrist as tears fell from my eyes. Beck's hand reached out for me as I pushed past the door, locking myself in our bedroom. The wall was cold, as my back rubbed against it, slowly descending to the floor. My face was in my hands as the warm tears rolled down my cheeks into my palms. "Please, (Y/N), I'm sorry, that's not like me. I don't know what came over me. I've never done that before and will never do that again.." Beck pleaded from outside of the door, his hand gently resting on the other side. I wasn't sure if I should trust him or not. I knew he really wasn't like that, and wasn't lying. But on the other hand, what if that really was him and he was just showing his true colors?

I refused to respond, my chest falling up and down heavily as my hands began to shake. "I-... I'll give you your time.." His voice lowered as the sound of his hand falling from the door echoed. "I'm going to go to the store and take care of these bills, okay? I'll be right back." I wasn't going to let him in the room. The footsteps of his shoes got quieter and quieter until the door shut closed. My body was stiff, quiet, almost like a statue. I began to weep in my hands, my dark cloud consuming me. Without Ingo, I was lost. But what he did was unacceptable.
Him and I had been wed for about 5 years now, happily.
I struggle with mental health issues, after the miscarraige of our first born. We were devastated and haven't tried again since then. That was about 2 years ago.

I have fallen into a deep depression since then, and my mental health has taken a huge toll on my life. But, Ingo was always there to help me. My body slid down the wall as my face stained itself with tears. I gripped at my face tightly, wanting to rip my skin off. It was almost as if my nails scratched my face til blood had been drawn. My arms fell down onto my knees as I looked up at the ceiling fan. Tears filled my eyes, making my vision blurry. The floor felt as if it was my only place of comfort. Dark thoughts clouded my mind heavily as I became less and less invested in the world.

What had I become?
Was I really meant for this life?

I gasped for air as I stood slowly, almost tumbling back down to the floor. My breath was heavy and exaggerated as I cried into my palms. I paced back and forth in thought.
I had forgotten what Ingo had even done in the first place, as my rain cloud was consuming me too much. My head throbbed as I looked down at the old, and even recent cuts that occupied my wrists. I balled my fist in an attempt to calm myself, trying to send the pressure and other negative emotions elsewhere. But it didn't work. My hands quickly moved to my hair, balling up the strands between my fingers and gripping my scalp aggressively. Tears continued to drip from my eyes as I instinctively grabbed a chair, placing it under the ceiling fan.

I sat on the chair under the fan, hoping it'd give me some air flow and help me calm down.
I promised Ingo I wouldn't do anything to myself again.
I choked on my sobs, trying to hold it all in. Quickly, without second thought, I ran up to the door and unlocked it. Making sure Ingo wasn't home yet, I tripped over myself multiple times while going to the garage. I frantically searched around the cold garage for a few minutes before finding a rope.