Harper

Chapter Three: Morning after

Willa pulls up outside the police station and Lilah and I look to each other nervously as she winds down the window and cocks an eyebrow "get in girls" she calls.

We stand up, taking our two empty coffees each and chucking them in the trash as we walk the few steps to the car.

"Remember don't mention Teddy" I whisper as we reach for the car doors.

Lilah nods.

I sit down and shut the door coyly and Willa turns and looks over me, she frowns at the outfit "Should I mention the dress or..."

I shake my head "it was a mistake" I say pulling on my belt.

"Little bird you can wear whatever you want" Willa begins "I just meant it's kind of not you is it"

I shake my head "no it's not me at all" and you can feel Lilah shrink down into the backseat.

"Now tell me what happened" Willa asks turning to look at Lilah too.

Lilah remains quiet, hoping I will retell the night from hell without her having to utter one lie to her older crush, Willa.

"We went to a party" i begin and Willa nods and watches me curiously. "I had a drink... one sip and got a little drunk..."

"Wait you got drunk on one sip" Willa asks "are you sure it wasn't spiked" she asks me worriedly.

"The hospital actually tested my system and didn't find any of the obvious drugs that are used for that kind of thing"

"Wait" Willa says sitting up straighter, her heart beating a little faster "what do you mean that sort of thing ... and why were you in the hospital" she asks beginning to sound panicked as her thoughts ran away with her "did something happen.. did someone hurt you"

"No... no" I add strongly "they think I am allergic to alcohol... they tested me and will call me later"

"Harper" Willa pushes "what happened"

I look out of the window not knowing how to explain to her, because I wasn't sure myself, I knew I had liked Max, that I felt a little lustful in the throws of it all. I also realised that I had wanted to stop when I noted his change of behaviour, the way he hurried, taking no care of me, the way the mask slipped but I couldn't speak when I went to say it.

Was that his fault? Because up to that point it seemed I did want it, and he only witnessed me have one sip of drink, until the moment we were fully intimate I seemed quite with it.

I think the fact is, a man should always ask a girl if she's okay with it before he pushes himself onto her, he never checked, he just went with his own desires, assuming it was okay, and in my intoxicated stupor I did then kiss him as it happened.

Honestly my mind whirled. Did I want to press charges on Max for taking something that didn't belong to him?! No, I didn't want to do that, it was a mess, what happened danced along a fine line and there was a fuzzy moment there that it waivers between consent and non consensual... I didn't feel as if I had been raped. I feel as if the whole thing was terrible, uncomfortable, verging on it, but the circumstances weren't great and the alcohol poisoning setting in half way through, kind of blurs the entire event. I put myself in a terrible position, but it still wasn't my fault, I was a victim of the circumstance, and now Max was nursing a broken arm and clavicle, pretty sure his pain might be worse than mine at this point.

I feel a little dirty as my mind thinks to that night and I suddenly realise part of him is still inside of me, oh gosh I had to shower, the ick made me shudder, if he had given me an STI I would literally die. I couldn't believe I had let my virginity be taken by such a disgusting human being, my dad would kill me if he could see me now.

"Harper" Willa says placing her hand on mine "what happened" she asks again.

I look back to her and a tear rolls down my cheek "I did something really stupid" I confess.

She reaches out and pushes my auburn hair behind my ear "oh sweetheart don't cry... it will all be okay" she whispers lovingly.

Lilah sits forward and hugs me with one arm over the chair "I shouldn't have made you come to the party" she confesses regretfully.

Willa looks back to her with a raised eyebrow, she didn't think so either.

"I slept with someone" I confess as the tears roll off of my chin.

Willa's eyes widen "oh" she says and she thinks about that information for a moment "and was it consensual" she asks.

I kind of shirk off the nod unsure how to reply "yes to a degree... it's a little blurry" I felt honestly.

"Harper it's either consensual or it's not... did this person force themselves on you?" She asks.

I shake my head "no I did feel something for him... it's just he turned out to be someone else entirely"

Her face falls a little like she is pained by that.

Lilah squeezes my shoulder. "I'm sorry Harps" she says.

"Harper... I" and Willa pauses and takes a deep breath "I think we should get you home okay... your Mama will be worried. Ice cream, pizza, movies... and a warm bath... that's what you need" she says and she belts up again and starts the car. "Shall we pack up the dorm and head back" she asks and I nod.

Lilah disappears back into her seat. "I can't believe you go home a day early... I'm going to miss you" she confesses.

"You can come by anytime Delilah" Willa says with a smile.

"Now" she asks.

Willa looks to me for my answer.

"sure, why not" I reply. Lilah would be a good distraction and perhaps my mama wouldn't ask a million questions if I brought a friend home.

"So I have one more question" Willa asks as we head up the street "why did I just pick you both up from the police station"

Yeah this is the moment Lilah and I retreat back into our seats, the silence says too much but neither of us could mention that Teddy was here or what happened to Max.

Silence.