Harper

Chapter Twenty One: Ethan

E- I hope you had a wonderful day at your baby shower today, you both deserve the world :)

H- I did :) thankyou for the gifts they were super thoughtful.

E- no problem. I'm sorry about the disturbance outside it shouldn't have ever been so heated.

H- what did Teddy say to you?

E- basically she told me she hates me and I should "fuck off" and leave you alone. It wasn't pleasant. She really thinks she controls you huh?!Sorry that you had to witness that.

H- she's shouldn't have said that I'm sorry. She's not controlling Ethan she's just protective.

E- well I'm glad you don't hate me too
H- I don't x

E- see you at the dinner I'm really looking forward to my mom meeting you.

H- and I'm looking forward to meeting her too. Night.

E- Night my two favourite girls :)

***
I sit and stare at the text thread from earlier tonight, tears still rolling down my cheeks. Teddy left an hour ago and I can't sleep. I miss her. I didn't want her to think I thought she was controlling me, it wasn't that. I just get scared when people interfere with my life, it's an automatic response to how my mama ended up in a life she didn't really want, she just got swept up with what everyone else wanted and ended up married and stuck and I didn't want that for me, from anyone.

I liked Ethan and I loved Teddy, facts, but I didn't have a future in mind with anyone but Wren, she was it for me and I couldn't imagine getting in any kind of relationship in the near future. Ethan probably wouldn't understand my hesitancy, to court, it wasn't anything personal, but no, I couldn't imagine it anytime soon. All I could imagine was bringing up my child, with my family here, with Teddy. A tear falls again, it hurt so much to have her leave and cry like that for something I said. I loved Teddy, so much it began to hurt because we weren't together, but it wasn't the time to back her into a corner and ask anything of her, just as she didn't me, because although it was clear she felt something too, we both did, at least we had the same goal for right now, to bring Wren into the world and to love her so much she would never have to think how she came into existence through pain. Wren would come into this world surrounded by love and peace.

Relationships were messy, and it would bring a little chaos to her world, and a lot of change. I wanted safety, security and that was what I knew here, and even with Teddy as we were, that felt safe, without the label even, it felt safe and if it ever happened again, that the line got a little blurry... well so be it, we were adults and it wouldn't be messy if we didn't let it be. Here I am again wishing for the line that Teddy had officially pulled us back over, tonight, to again dissipate and let us just be free to act as we liked.

Had it not got painful because of me? Putting rules into play, chastising the flirting that was a natural part of us... and Ethan... it wasn't the best timing. Teddy would have felt like I felt about Jay, a little irked when he was around because we enjoyed each other, without the shadow of others. The more I thought about it the more messy it seemed and I stare at the ceiling and will the answers to come to me.

Okay, so just act normal and whatever happens happens .... No conversations need to happen. Act natural and go with the flow, yes that sounds perfect. Friendship with Teddy... who I loved... it sounded possible? Right! I place my pillow over my head and hold it down in frustration "fuck sake" I whisper as I roll back onto my side and slip the pillow down between my arms to hug.

Only one thing was for certain...being courted was off the cards. I had no time for it.