Harper

Chapter Thirty Four: Taking it all on

I arrived in Oregon on a rainy Saturday, the trip to the hospital was slow, and painful, thoughts of my dad passing away, worried I was too late and not wanting to call to find out.

As I make it to the right floor I push open the door that swishes against the lino flooring, green and grey squares that make up its design, they would be something I stared at for six weeks as my father went from good to worse, and bad again, before back to good and then much much worse.

My momma and my sisters relied on me to be the one to take it all on. I was the only one with the time, with the sheer determination to see this through to the end by his side, and bear the brunt of every decision my momma felt she couldn't make, and I went from the youngest in my family to the eldest in the blink of an eye as everyone looked to me to fix this and to make it better. I've never felt so much like the dam that held that overwhelming surge of water at bay, the weight of which was crushing, but I stood and I took it, the pressure and the emotional torture. and it beat me down, it did I wasn't much like myself after a month of it, and I had begun to call Harper a little less because when I heard her voice or Wrens it made me feel weak, like I would break down and I couldn't, I couldn't break.

I had to bear it, to take it, take it all, for everyone, and hold firm. I would sit by my baba's bedside, my hands caressing his large and weathered fingers, lifting his heavy hand to my cheek, pressing it tightly to my flesh and praying to all of the saints for his health to return, for his life to be spared.

My father, it had been found pretty quickly, had been infected with a virus, one that would attack his blood, sending many of his organs into failure as the hospital fought to save him, he was ventilated almost instantly after he came in, his lungs unable to even work by 30%.

My father wasn't alone, there were others here who fought the same virus... but they fought shorter battles, my dad, he was a small percent of those whose battle was long, it was well fought and he would not let go, in the moments he opened his eyes it was obvious he was there still, blinking back at me, looking a little scared. I would squeeze his hands and kiss his cheeks until he felt a little safer. "S 'agapó bampáka" I would say.

I flick on the TV on the wall and watch the basketball games, feeling the weight of my decision to bow out of the season early on a personal family matter. My team had just ended the season in fourth place and I had sent them all a message, they missed me, but understood. I didn't know what this meant for me in my career, but all would be forced soon enough, when my sister Callie took me aside.

"Theodora, they don't have any medical insurance" she confesses.

I turn to her, my frown deepening "what do you mean Calliope?" I ask sternly and she grabs my arms and sits me down in the waiting room, forcing me into an uncomfortable plastic chair.

"They... don't... have ... insurance" she says slowly and annoyingly.

I nod "I... fucking... heard...you" I bite back stressed "how can that be" I ask and my head falls between my knees "how" I ask.

Calliope runs her hand over my back "He didn't redo the paperwork in March... I found it on his desk" she confesses.

I let out a loud scream "Calliope the bills...they will be huge"

She starts to cry "we will have to sell the restaurant" she says through tears.

I reach out and pull her into my embrace "it won't be enough" I say thinking of how long he has been here and all of the treatment he has had let alone the road he's got ahead of him.

My tears threaten for the first time,
to fall, but I force them away, it hurts to do but i can't cry I needed a way to fix this. "They've been bugging momma for the first payments but Theodora they are tens of thousands" she says and my heart races.

"Momma doesn't do any of the finances, she has no idea what to do... and I have savings I will gladly give but I think we need to get the restaurant on the market"

"No" i state firmly letting her go "we are not about to lose the one thing they have worked their life to achieve. I will figure something out... I have money..." I say and then it hits me "and I know how to make some... quickly... a lot"

Calliope looks to me confused "how" she asks as I take off down the hall to make a call.

***
"Harper" Teddy says finally calling me after a week of short texts

"Teddy" I say releasing a held in sigh "where have you been"

She moves about in the background a little "I've had a lot going on this week... and I know you are due here in a day or so but don't come"

I sit back against my headboard shocked "what" I ask "why" I add.

"It's not a good time... I won't have time to see you both... I've just called Willa and told her to take you all straight to Utah instead"

"Teddy you can't just decide what's happening... without discussing it with me first" I say agitatedly. "I haven't seen you in over six weeks now.I miss you. Wren missed you... you can't keep this going like this, you have a life here with us. Teddy you belong here with us and I know why you stay because you're so fucking responsible and intent on holding everyone together but Theodora what...about...you" i say desperately, tears falling "what about us" I add "you have taken them all on and I commend you for being there but at what point do you realise your head is slipping under water as you try so desperately to hold everyone else above it"

She goes quiet and I know she knows it's true "I can't keep missing you like this Teddy... I need.."

"You need more.I know" Teddy finally whispers "and I miss you, so bad, but I can't leave here right now he's taken another turn and momma has a mountain of bills and that's another reason I'm calling"

I feel my heart sink as my eyes tightly close. Oh god here it was, it's coming, she's not coming back is she?

"Harper I'm going to Europe" she confesses.

My eyes tighten further as tears squeeze out of them and I let out a breath long held in "no" I whisper "no Teddy don't do that" I beg.

"It's a six month contract. I have to leave in a few days" she admits and I open my mouth and a silent cry releases "Harper I don't want to... I don't want to leave, but the contract is worth half a million dollars... it's in Turkey"

Silence follows as I slip into a ball and cry into my hands, the phone slowly slipping down beside my ear.

"Harper I love you, please don't cry. I have to ... even if they sold the restaurant it's not enough for the bills... they are mounting and he forgot to renew the insurance... my entire family are crippled by it and barely made the first payments. I need that money"

And she's right of course, her family needed that money, but why did it have to come at the expense of us, of us finally being together.

"Teddy I can't do it. I barely made this six weeks..." I confess.

She goes quiet "I understand and I'm sorry. I don't expect you to wait for me Harper, if you feel you can't.. it's a long time. I don't want to lose you... but  I also know I may have to stay longer than that... depending what happens. I literally can't offer you anything, and I want to.I want to so badly. I will call you and we can talk more about it ...if you will let me"

I click the phone off and put it down on her, because I can't say goodbye to her and I didn't want to.