𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗨𝗦 ? (wlw)

⚘᠂ 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗙𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡

ellie grazer
|    𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗙𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡    |
#.    015

𝗜𝗧 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗗 to remain focussed on studying as my mind did anything but think of Algebra. Forcing myself to stay concentrated, was just a complete waste of my time because no matter what, I always went back to the same thoughts. It was frustrating me now. I was beginning to find it quite easy to ignore my feelings but now, it was seemingly the most difficult thing in the world.

I had thrown my pen into the sheets and dropped my head into my hands for the sixth time now before finally giving up on studying. It was a Saturday and all I had done was loathe over the same things. I didn't understand just exactly what I felt but it was killing me. And I meant that in all legitimacy. It was killing me.

It was foolish. I felt like a fool. An idiot who couldn't just lie. I had been doing it for so long, why was it now eating me up inside? I guess it might've been from the hit of realisation or maybe the reality had really sunk in but whatever it was, I was in deep. Too fucking deep. And I really didn't want to be.

I believe now was when the stress had hit me. The guilt of everything and the envy of my own emotions. God, I was ashamed. I think that's the thing that was beginning to hurt more than anything else. Why her. In all people. I was ashamed that it was her I wanted. It just felt so wrong. She wasn't gay. She was happy and in love with someone else. So, why. Why did I pick her?

I frustratedly huffed and got off of the bed. I mindlessly wandered towards the closet and only dug through it to avoid my own head. I needed to get out of here. Out of this room. I needed a walk, fresh air. Something to clear my fucking head. I buried my hands through the depths of clothes where I pulled out a pair of leggings, that I chucked onto the floor, and then went in search of a hoodie. Majority of my hoodies were needing to be washed, considering that I slept in half of them, so it took me quite a bit of digging before I finally located one. But it wasn't the hoodie that really caught my eye.

My hand hovered over the Looney Toons hoodie but didn't grab it. I instead reached for the black lacy fabric that was poking out from beneath it, at the very bottom of the drawer. I slowly pulled it out and held it in my hands. It was the matching lingerie set that I completely forgot I had.

I stood still as I held the bra up and grazed my thumb over the cup. I bit my lip and glanced towards the door, that was still shut, and looked back at it. I was surprising myself at this point by even holding onto it but surprised myself even more at the thoughts that were protruding into my head.

My eyes only shut as I sighed extremely heavily before opening them up again and despite my own better judgement, I started to tug off my sweatpants.

⚘᠂

I stood before the vanity mirror. My stance had now became much more looser and less tense, maybe it was from the lack of eyes in the room but I felt hot. No, I felt like a fine piece of ass. It was a feeling I wasn't used to but very much adored. And I only grew fonder of the feeling more and more as I checked myself out in the mirror, with all the angles.

A smile only extended across my lips as I dragged my finger across the waistband of the thong and lifted it higher on my hip. My smile only started to falter after my actions as my mind had went back to the time in the changing room when Alina had her finger beneath the band.