Purpose (Oumasai)

Chapter 20: Rantaro

- Shuichi POV -

I woke up and rubbed my eyes. I was still with Kokichi who was asleep, and still in his uniform. We didn't bother changing yesterday. I wanted to check Rantaro's dorm to see if that was all a dream but it was a little too early for that.

Kokichi was breathing quietly as usual. Sometimes he would pretend to be asleep when he was awake but that didn't seem to be the case. He was a really light sleeper so it was hard to tell but when he was awake he was more tense than when he was asleep. He turned around and he was now facing me. He's always so cute.

Koki nudged me as soon as he was awake.

"Saihara-channn, what time is it?" He yawned

"It's 7" I sighed and got up, suddenly the morning announcement went off

"You should go to your room and get dressed, I'll meet you at your dorm ok?" He said

"Sure" I gave a slight smile

I walked out the door, relying on the wall more than my own feet but nevertheless kept walking towards my dorm. A hunger pang hit and I realized.           
I can't remember the last time I ate.
I wouldn't be surprised if I'd been starving since Kirumi's execution. No, I ate the morning after the execution. I think. I can't exactly remember. God I should really eat today.

I changed into a clean version of my outfit and I went out the door, seeing as Kokichi was there we went to the dining hall. As soon as we went to the dining hall I realized that Kokichi probably hasn't eaten for a long time too.

"Let's make breakfast" I smiled

"Sure Shumai!" He returned a wide smile, and it reminded me of that time when we decided our nicknames for eachother, I said I'd call him Kimchi but never really did.

"Hey Kimchi, what do you want to make?" I asked

"Pancakes" He said after a moment of shock

"Alright" I took out all the ingredients for pancakes and we began making them

A few minutes of silence passed and I mixed the eggs, milk and sugar. The mixture was turning a beige colour. The hurricane formed in the centre and spun harder as I kept whisking. Over and over, swirling, flowing, smoothly in motion.

"I'm glad you remembered" He mumbled, trying to keep the corners of his mouth down

"Of course I did, can you pass me the flour?" I put down my whisk and looked over at him

"Sure" He slid the package of flour across the counter and it almost fell off but he caught it

"Well it didn't fall off" He smiled tiredly

"Yeah" I returned a faint smile

I continued mixing the ingredients and I finally had the batter ready to be cooked. I put a pan on the stove and it heated up immediately. I poured a dollop of batter on the pan; my stomach felt like it was swallowing itself.

"Kimchi, when was the last time we ate?" I wondered

"Didn't we eat yesterday?" He quizzed and then suddenly looked like he was deep in thought

"..." He started to look frustrated

I flipped the pancake and he suddenly came up behind me and hugged me.

"Shumai, I'm sorry for not noticing that you weren't eating" He tightened his grip on me, as if I was going to fall

"No it's ok, to be honest it's my fault for forgetting to eat" I sighed

"I don't know how I didn't notice, I can't believe I didn't notice" He spoke, I couldn't see his face but I could tell what it looked like, he was mad, mad at himself

"Don't worry, it's not like I died" I told him and then realized how insensitive what I said was

"Uh sorry, forget what I just said, I didn-" I got cut off by him

"Don't joke like that, ever." He glared into my eyes

"I didn't mean to say that" I continued to say what I wanted to say

"I just don't want you foreshadowing or anything" He trailed off

The silence scraped my brain. The pan was slightly off the flame and the flour packets opening was almost fully open. The sizzling of the frying pan was the only thing I could hear.

I noticed Rantaro standing at the entrance of the kitchen but before I could say anything he started talking.

"I'm sorry for interrupting but you should really pay attention to the pancakes, it's gonna overcook if you don't take it off right now" He walked towards the stove and flipped the pancake on to a big plate

"Ah sorry" I apologized

"No it's all good" He smiled

"So Avocado, how did it feel to be dead?" Kokichi started, jesus christ Kokichi what are you doing

"I blacked out, I have no idea" Rantaro responded, starting to get annoyed

"Too bad, it'd be nice if we all knew" Kokichi whined, I shot him a look,

the look.

And so he stopped.

The tension could be cut with a knife as I finished up cooking.

I didn't know what got into me. My veins looked more prominent and my skin more pale. I couldn't recognise myself in the mirror any more.

"Morning!" Angie bubbled and turned to Rantaro, the look on her face remained the same

"Hey Angie" He smiled, like a marinette coming alive

"Hellooo atua girl" Kokichi poked fun

I breathed. Hard. The air escaped my nose and my diaphragm clenched up. The regular inhale and exhale rhythm was interrupted and I struggled for a bit before I was able to take in a breath again.

I stormed out of the kitchen, I turned my palms into fists and my words were about to become knifes. I ran, not looking back. I locked the door of the cleaning closet and let go of my breath. Relief flooded my chest and I cut the strings off the corners of my mouth. My lips now formed a straight line, not up or down turned. Neutral. Void of any emotion.

"SHUICHI! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR" I heard from the other side, the usual girly voice morphed into one of distress

Each knife thrown at the door fell clattering to the ground, crumbling to pieces. My hands rested calmly by my sides as I rested my eyelids.

"Shuichi open the door. Please open the door"

"O-open the door please"

"Sh-shumai"

"Ahaha sh-shumai"

Hysterical laughter followed as I sat, eyes widening by the minute. The irregular weak bursts of air escaped his lungs, like an arrhythmia. A heart beat from a damaged heart, strange, foreign. Almost robotic. Like a violin played by someone with no sense of rhythm. A piano played by someone who didn't know the notes. Abnormal, almost alien.

"Shuichi?" I whipped around

I was standing. There was no door. Nothing between me and him. We were on our own. I dried the tears which were building up on my cheeks, which had already left a trail of irritation down each cheek.

"Shuichi? What the hell" His eyes widened and he walked towards me, examining my stained face

"What was that about?" He asked

"Uh nothing. It's fine. It's okay" I curtly replied and left the dining hall

"YOU are not leaving mister!" He chased after me and grabbed my collar, dragging me back to the kitchen

He sat my down and plated some pancakes for me, with some toppings on the side. He put them in front of me and gave me a fork.

"Eat and you can leave" He smiled, rubbing his right hand and pulling his sleeve over it