Purpose (Oumasai)

Chapter 21: Humming apparatus

- Kokichi POV -

I watched him eat. Slowly but surely his plate emptied and he grew more vibrant. What I noticed yesterday is that we had a room of food supplies. A large room which had a ton of food. "Had"

It was now polluted with almost expired meat and sour milk. I saved what I could but it wasn't much. Only enough for half a week for most of us. Once I had figured that out this morning, before Shumai awoke, monokuma knocked. I knew then and there what the motive was.

I can't starve forever, I know. But what choice do I have right now? Water and vitamins can do. If everyone can ration the food for the next week, then monokuma will cancel the motive. It'll be boring seeing everyone starve to death. My portion will be able to keep the others alive for a while. I don't need to eat.

Shumai had fallen asleep beside his plate. I immediately carefully lifted his face and examined it. Whites of his eyes were still white, his nose was clear, his airways weren't blocked. Good. I looked around and saw nothing around me change. It's okay. It's all okay.

I shivered. I couldn't stay in the kitchen for too long. I saw shuichi splayed over the counter and hesitated.

He was so vulnerable right then. To leave him would be leaving him for dead.

Once again I glanced at him, hand reaching to wake him up and foot stepping towards the exit. In this tug of war, my hand won and I tapped his shoulder, waking him up.

"Huh? Y-yes?" He spun round and immediately softened, seeing me

"Hey Shu, let's go to my dorm okay?" I asked and he sluggishly stirred

He struggled to get to my room, relying on my weak legs to support him. Once we got to the dorm, he crashed on my bed. I sat down of the chair. I drank a mixture of pills and powders, reminding myself that there was a point to this.

To keep the others alive.

He kept stirring around in his sleep. Moving endlessly. Seeking something imaginary. Maybe it was just me, maybe it wasn't him.

I chewed on my finger. I didn't know if I could really do it. But for the sake of everyone else, I could try.

I sat, stationary. My hands crossed over eachother, fingers intertwined as if they were pieces of rope, knotting together. My hands were tied. I sighed to myself.

The door was solid and there were no windows in my room. Shuichi was under a cozy blanket. I was on a wooden island, with the desk being my only companion.

The paint flaked off of my desk and it was now becoming bare again. It was stripped of anything that made it original and was now like all the other desks in this academy. What's underneath is always the same.

It's always the same song and dance in this place: motive, death, motive, death.  It sucks because I can't do anything about it. I can just watch. None of this is in our control and yet we wish and hope for a way out, scrambling to find anything to save us. In the end, only two will remain standing.

I don't think I'm gonna make the cut but I will not let Shuichi die. No matter what, he'll be my first priority. Unless something changes. I'm not planning on that though.

I got off the hard chair and gently sat down on the bed. His greasy hair flowed down his forehead messily. He usually brushed it out of the way but it looked so much more natural this way. His eyelids pressed together lightly, dark circles beneath them.

He never slept much, too worried about everyone and everything. His mind was in a thousand different places at once. Monokuma, the kubs, our classmates, himself, the killing game - he considered everything all the time. Like a river, his mind flowed through every stream possible. Even the smallest gap got it's share of the river. He was too selfless to care about himself in our situation.

Sometimes, I can't help but blame myself. For how bad he has it I mean. I cause so many problems in this claustrophobic prison and even with a good intent, I do things in a way that makes everyone hate me. I guess that was the plan. But it's hurting Shuichi now. I'm selfish and he's not. All of this makes me think that I don't do enough for everyone and that one day, when he's had enough, Shuichi will just...snap. I don't like admitting it but I'm really afraid of what I'm doing to him. To be honest?

I just wanna erase myself.

A/N woo I'm alive. ed's been kicking my ass lately and writers block has been eating me alive. Get it? LMAO. Anyway, have fun, stay safe ❤️