Cinders Of Remnant (Male Reader)

CH42: Let's Gather by The Camp Fire and Sing our Bandit Song

Humans are evolved from monkeys.

Jesus is a human.

Jesus is a monkey.

Jesus, by gen z standards, is black.

Black Jesus, by that logic, is real Jesus.

I woke up panting and in a cold sweat, wondering what I dreamt of that scared me so much. Was it a visions of war? PTSD of my life back in DS? No...

Black Jesus is coming, and no one can run, because they have a 25% speed buff.

Holy shit how much did I drink last night? Ren and Nora left early to fuck, and I know that Nora is definitely the pants in that relationship. Ruby was to my left in bed and Neo was in her own bed across the room.

What the actual fuck happened...

(Flashback)

We had just gotten back from the food market. Ren said that some baking materials and fish would be all that we needed, so basically me, Ren, and Jaune would have fish, then there's the devil women.

Christ, if I knew how much these chicks inhaled sugar I would have brought something to put them to sleep. At least they won't attack me in their sleep... Actually, Nora would most definitely attack me in her sleep.

Neo is an addict for ice cream. Neopolitan, obviously. Ruby's addition is also obvious, cookies. Nora? Nora will eat anything, but she prefers pancakes and Rengokus.

What?

Oh right, she likes donuts, or Kakyoins, whichever you prefer.

Anyways, back to the actual flashback. We had just gotten back from the market and had been making our way into the tavern. It was quite nice since the wallet that Neo stole was relatively loaded. We have to spend it quick and ditch it though, it'd be bad for the world to end because we got arrested in Anima.

On our way to the tavern, we heard distressed cries coming from a nearby alley. We went in to check and found Jaune, stripped of his gear and a bunch of men surrounded him with weapons.

Y/n: What the fuck is happening, Jaune?

Jaune: Y/n! Help! They have a gun to my dick!

I looked down toward Jaune's jeans and sure enough, one of them men was holding a Glock 16 to his penis. That was a big no no, so I summoned my armor and blitzed them all.

Their bodies hit the ground quick and silent. Their aura shattered immediately due to the strength of my sword, but I made sure to merely strike flesh instead of any dangerous bodily organs.

I kneeled down next to one of the men and took Jaune's gear back.

Ruby: Jaune, you need to stop getting into situations like this.

Jaune: I know...

Y/n: Neo you're a sadist. You could have just made them think that Jaune ran off.

The blonde glared at the now smirking criminal with anger and betrayal.

Jaune: He's right, fuck you!

Neo blew a raspberry and quickly chucked one of the fish from the market at Jaune's face. He caught it and tossed it back, but Neo used her semblance to make Jaune hit Ruby with it.

Jaune: EEP! I'm sorry Ruby!

Y/n: Too late to apologize.

He took a deep gulp and the rose slowly took the fish from off her head, crushed it in her hands, and glared at Jaune with a stare that can corrupt the abyss.