Heaven Can Wait [Nayeon x M Reader]

II: I'm Sorry

Y/N POV:

Looking back on my high school years, I realized that the rest of my high school years were spent with her.  The relationship that I had with Im Nayeon was the closest thing to heaven on Earth.

The love that we had for each other was endless. Keyword, it WAS endless. Like all things, I guess it had to come to an end.  Too bad our love wasn't an exception to this cruel concept.

In the last year of our high school, things began to change slowly. At first, I didn't think much of it and thought that by ignoring it, it'd go away and resolve itself. However, it'd come back much worse than before.

Starting off with arguments over small things, things got worse as time progressed. The final straw was when we fought about her dream to become an idol. We ended things that night and Nayeon left without a second glance.

After that night, I wanted to keep in touch with her despite our break-up. I'd send her cordial messages to show her that I still cared, but I never got an answer from her. A simple "hi" or anything would've been suffice for me, but I got nothing from her in return.

Hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned into a year, and a year turned into 6 years.

It's been 6 years since I last saw or heard anything from her. The day that she left me was the day that I broke down inside. I became an empty shell. It didn't take long after that night to realize that I was in the wrong, and I regretted every moment of that night and what I put her through. 

If only I had a chance to see her face-to-face one more time, I'd apologize for everything.

Technically, it had been a couple of months since I last saw her in person. I still supported her even after the breakup. When she was 1 of the 9 girls chosen to be in the new girl group 'TWICE,' I cried my eyes out of joy for her.  I was so happy for her since she finally achieved the dream that she wanted for so long.

Ever since TWICE's debut, I've supported her and the other girls. Whenever they went on tour, I'd buy tickets whenever I could so that I could see Nayeon live her dream.

The tickets were a lot of money I'll admit.  But it was worth it when I saw the happiness that being an idol brought her.  Sometimes, I wonder if she'd ever recognize me if she ever saw me in the sea of people at their concert.  I mean probably not.  After all, we're just strangers once again and I'm just one of their many fans. 

I felt envious of Nayeon though.  She was able to move on with life while I was still stuck on the past.  It's kind of pathetic if I think about it really.  It's been 6 years since this fight happened and I'm the only one being torn apart about it. 

I sighed as I looked at the ceiling of my apartment. Even though I was living comfortably in life, I felt so empty inside.  This emptiness wasn't the only thing that the guilt had given me.  It also gave me insomnia, depression, and anxiety. 

For the past 6 years, I've seen several doctors and psychiatrists who've told me that "things will get better with time."  But the various medications on my nightstand proved otherwise. I got worse as time progressed. Nothing or no one could help me with this state of regret that I had.

The guilt had been making it hard for me to live my life normally.  It's made it hard for me to move on and find someone else.  There were times where I'd go on blind dates, but back out because I'd see Nayeon's face with every girl I tried to meet with. 

She was the ghost of my past haunting my soul.  Every single day, I'd be reminded of my actions and words that I said in the past.  For all those things that I had put Nayeon through, I think that I deserve the current state of my health and life. It was karma for the sins of my past.