The Probability Of Not Loving You

Chapter 2 : Before

Remember the way you made me feel
Such young love but
Something in me knew that it was real
Frozen in my head

- Paper hearts, Tori Kelly

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Before - 16 years old, High school

Alex was idiot, Ava concluded when they were about four years old and had been at a play group and he pulled some other girl's ponytails instead of hers. Ava didn't even remember her name but it was an event marked down as one of his stupid moments.

He has always quick to like other girls when he couldn't see that there was one who was perfect right in front of him. When something was wrong he told Ava. When he thought one of his balls were bigger than the other, he hadn't been quick to talk to her about it, he had hinted that something had changed a little bit. She had nagged him and nagged him until he told her that it was boy stuff and even if he told her, she couldn't help. Not one to be beaten, Ava introduced him to her little friend called a search engine. Alex's counterpoint had been that when she had her first period, she hadn't exactly run to him.

"But now you know to bring me a hot water bottle, chocolate and painkillers," Ava cried out. "See how helpful you are because I shared. Sharing is caring!"

"You're a busybody!"

And the time, she was being a busy body. Other than those sudden changes in their lives, there wasn't anything they didn't tell each other or share. They had the same friends and spent little time away from each other. The only thing that Alex didn't know was that they belonged together. Ava had known it from birth.

Much like boys being clueless, Ava had mentioned that one of her friends, Claire, liked Alex and it had come as a shock to him. Why couldn't see that he was drop dead gorgeous? Most of the female population noticed and were quick to tell Ava about, like she did not have front row seats and popcorn. Ava had been first to notice anything about Alex, except that afternoon. As usual when she told him about a girl liking him, Ava expected him to listen with disinterest or tell her to shut up so they could enjoy their game before doing homework.

Alex surprised her by pausing the game and throwing the controller on the couch. "Really? She likes me? Did she tell you that?"

His interest was clear. Ava made a face. "Don't tell me you like her?"

"Why wouldn't I? She's so pretty!" he said moving closer to Ava that he was practically in her lap.

"I don't really want to talk about your crush."

"Why not? I would tell you if someone you liked liked you. We are best friends. You are not allowed to have secrets from me."

Pushing her heart away, Ava removed a coin from her pocket just like they always had when they came to difficult situations. Alex and Ava never disagreed and when they did, they let the coin decide. "Heads or tails? If you get what you want, I'll tell you."

Only that afternoon, she was playing for her heart. Alex had never liked anyone before. He was charming, funny and good at school and sports. All the teachers liked him and he was just so damn nice to everyone. It wasn't that girls didn't like him. Most of them were too scared to talk to him. Scared of him just as she was that he would find out how her heart raced every time that he entered a room and she had to remind herself to look away. It was not difficult to do in front of people as they were dubbed cousins. But each day it was getting harder. Harder to sometimes sleep on the same bed and wake up with their legs tangled, feeling as she felt while he felt nothing. Harder to be touched by him while she hoped it was more and he didn't see it.