The Probability Of Not Loving You

Chapter 8: Before

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
- Wicked Games, Grace Carter

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Before - 18 years old, Sixth Form

Alex had his hand in her hair looking at her like no other guy had ever looked at her. If they had Ava  hadn't noticed.

In his bedroom, studying for their exams and yet they were lost in each other's eyes. His a teal blue but more than the colour Ava saw someone who had always been by her side. Protected her. Laughed with her. Committed mischief together and kept secrets from everyone but each other. Hers, silver-grey like a cloudy morning, trusting and open to all kinds of possibilities.

His lips touched hers. For a moment their lips remained in soft embrace, sharing in the warmth of their touch. He moved his lips over hers, slipping his tongue in her mouth. Ava closed her eyes matching his movements. Could she have loved him more? She didn't think it was possible but with Ava the possibilities were endless.

They parted moments later. They looked at each other not certain what they should say. Words were not necessary, after two years together, they hardly had to speak to get the message across. Ava and Alex smiled at each other. Alex cleared his throat. "What did you get for question two?"

He glanced at the book on his lap, attempting to get his head to focus on what they were really meant to be doing.

Ava giggled. "Do you really think I'm paying attention?"

"You should, your grades are dropping. Do you want another lecture from my mom?"

His parents had sat them down a few months back: no tv, phones and games during the week until their exams were over. It had been mostly for Ava than Alex but he was punished along with her, although her biggest distraction was sat right across from her. He was just so handsome. Once those juicy lips started kissing her, Ava lost her mind. When he wasn't touching her, she craved his touch. It was a vicious cycle of wanting and getting — she was an addict, who openly admitted to her addiction. To him anyway.

"It doesn't matter, we can just keep doing this forever and you'll look after me."

"Focus," he said tapping the book between them.

"I love you, Alex." Ava had stifled the words all of the two years that this had been going on behind everyone's back.

Alex tensed for a brief moment and then met her with a soft gaze. He tipped her chin and gave her one of the softest kisses that they had ever shared but Ava hadn't missed that he hadn't said it back. If only she had been one to leave things alone. At the back of her mind she had already accepted that she didn't need words as long as this carried on until they were old and grey. But she had wondered, why didn't he love her? Why wasn't he crazy about her like she was him?