Living In A Transphobic Home || TommyInnit trans story

*Well Shit*

Tubbo slowly woke up, feeling something clinging to him. He rubbed his eyes before looking down, Tommy was grabbing onto his top, he looked scared. "Tommy" he whispered. "Hey, Tommy" he whispered again but nothing was happening. Tommy was panicking hard in his sleep, his breathing was fast, he was shaking badly and he was sweating. Tubbo quickly realised he was having a nightmare. He slowly rubbed Tommys back whilst pulling him closer towards himself. "It's ok, you're ok" he whispered, soon hearing Tommy gasp as he woke up and quickly looked around. Tubbo helped him sit up, "Tommy hey, look at me" he started as Tommy looked at him, "you're completely ok, you're safe" he smiled reassuringly. Tommy grabbed on tight to Tubbos sleeves, not knowing where to look as he looked around the room fast. "Tommy look at me" Tubbo said calmly, watching as Tommy struggled to look at him. "It's all ok, can you breathe with me for a second?" he asked with a small smile.

Tommy nodded, his lips were completely dry and he felt like he was suffocating. *How long had he been panicking for?* Tubbo thought as he started breathing loudly, "in... and out" he said over and over until Tommys breathing was some what stable. "Nightmare?" Tubbo asked, watching Tommy nod as he held back tears. "Want a hug?" he smiled, holding his arms open. Tommy nodded, letting go of Tubbo's sleeves before falling into his arms, unable to hold back the tears anymore. "It's ok, I'm right here, I've got you" Tubbo said calmly, holding Tommy tightly whilst slowly rubbing his back. "I-I'm sorry" Tommy cried quietly. "What're you sorry for?" Tubbo asked. "B-being like this I guess" Tommy answered through sobs. "You have absolutely nothing to apologise for it's ok, cry all you need" Tubbo said calmly. "T-thank you" Tommy sobbed. "It's ok" Tubbo smiled, "now what're we doing today?" He said, pulling away from the hug. Tommy shrugged.

"Wanna try the trans tape again?" Tubbo asked with a smile. Tommy gave a small smile back "I-I mean sure?". "Ok! Stand up and take your things off whilst I get the tape" Tubbo said excitedly, knowing this would help him feel a little more comfortable. "Ok" Tommy laughed, cheering up as he did what he was told. "Ok, ready?" Tubbo asked, not looking. "Yeah" Tommy said, crossing his arms over his chest just in case. "Are you turned around?" Tubbo asked. "Yes" Tommy laughed. "Can I turn around?" Tubbo kept asking. "Yes!" Tommy laughed more. "Ok ok, remember what to do?" He said, quickly walking over to Tommy and handing him a bit after tearing it off with his teeth. "Yeah?" Tommy said, not fully sure but he had an idea. "Here" he said after sticking the tape to his chest and pulling it back to give to Tubbo. Tubbo then pulled it back a tiny bit more before securing it. "Now the other side" he said, tearing a bit off again before giving it to Tommy.

After Tommy had a new t-shirt and hoodie on, he quickly walked over to the mirror in Tubbos room and turned to the side, "I'm flat" he said out loud, making them both laugh. "I mean, yeah" Tubbo laughed. "Wanna go eat now?" He asked. "No" Tommy said, still staring at his chest, it made him smile. "Well then we'll go down in 5" Tubbo said, sitting on his bed whilst scrolling on his phone. 5 minutes had passed as he then stood up and peeled Tommy away from the mirror. "Come on let's go" he laughed, pulling Tommy down the stairs. "Ok ok!" Tommy laughed. "You're both up early!" Schlatt said from the sofa. "Morning" the two boys said. "Good morning" Schlatt smiled, "want me to make something?" He asked. "It's fine I've got it" Tubbo said, grabbing two bowls before pouring cereal in, then the milk.

Tommy was sat at the table, zoned out before he was snapped out of it by a bowl being placed down in front of him. "You ok?" Tubbo whispered, sitting down next to him with his own bowl. Tommy nodded with a small smile before looking at the food. "You've got this, eat slowly if you want" Tubbo whispered to him. "I-I cant" Tommy whispered back. "You can, want to go upstairs and eat there?" Tubbo asked quietly, watching Tommy shake his head, "it's fine" he whispered. "You sure?" Tubbo whispered, watching Tommy nod. "Ok" he said quietly before starting on his own food. Tommy stared at the food in front of him as he swirled it around with the spoon. *Leave it, don't eat any of it, you don't deserve it, plus you'll just throw up again and embarrass yourself* his thoughts were telling him. "I'll be right back" he said, getting up before going upstairs and to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He leaned on the sink before looking in the mirror, he hated what he saw, a skinny little weirdo with no future.

Tommy wanted to cause harm to himself but didn't know how, there was nothing sharp around him, at least that was what he thought. He looked around, finding razors, *jackpot* he thought, quickly grabbing one before rolling his sleeve up and putting it to his arm. "Tommy?" He heard Tubbo say outside the door, making him jump and stop. "Y-yeah" he accidentally stuttered. "Are you ok?" Tubbo asked as he placed a hand on the door handle. "Y-yeah I'm fine" Tommy said nervously. "You sure?" Tubbo said, knowing something was wrong. "Yes" Tommy said clearly. "Ok, want me to leave?" Tubbo asked, making Tommy start thinking, he didn't want him to leave at all, he wanted Tubbo to hold him like he had and tell him it was all ok and that he didn't need to do this but he couldn't speak. "I'll stay if you want me to" he heard a voice outside the door say, snapping him out of thought. "N-no it's fine" he said, regretting it. "You sure?" Tubbo said, definitely knowing something was wrong now.

"Can you unlock the door?" He asked. Tommy hesitated before unlocking the door and backing away. Tubbo opened the door, seeing the razor on the sink, instantly getting a thought. Tommy had his back turned to him as he quickly rolled his sleeve back down. "Was something about to happen?" Tubbo asked. "W-what do you mean?" Tommy asked, knowing what he meant but asking anyway. "The razor" Tubbo pointed out. There was a pause before a sniffle was heard from Tommy. "I-I changed my mind, c-can you please leave" Tommy said with a voice crack. "Do you really want me to leave" Tubbo asked, even if Tommy begged him to leave he wasn't going to because he knew what Tommy would do if he did leave. "Y-yes" Tommy said, not turning around. "How can I help?" Tubbo asked. "I-I don't know" Tommy shrugged, "I'm s-sorry" he said quietly.

Tubbo walked up to Tommy and turned him around before hugging him. He felt him start to break down quietly. *How long has he bottled up his emotions for him to cry this much?* he thought, letting Tommy cry into his shoulder. "Come on, let's go back to my room" he said, putting an arm around Tommy, watching in case he grabbed anything, he didn't. They soon arrived back at Tubbo's bedroom and sat on his bed. Tommy was back in his normal position whilst Tubbo sat in front of him. There was a pause of silence before Tommy spoke. "I-I was about to relapse I-I really was a-and I shouldn't of-" he cried. "It's ok" Tubbo quickly said, pulling Tommy into a tight hug, "you're ok now" he said calmly. "I-I'm sorry" Tommy cried, "I-I really am". "Like always you have nothing to apologise for, you haven't done anything wrong, you just needed help but didn't realise it and you didn't know how to ask for help either" Tubbo said, feeling Tommy nod.

"I-I'm sorry I'm a h-handful, I-I should just go back home a-and take care of myself" Tommy said as he started to fight the hug. "Tommy stop stop" Tubbo quickly said, holding Tommy tighter until he stopped. "That is the last thing you should do, stay here with me, I'm here for you, talk to me if you need" he continued. "I-I'm sorry" Tommy kept apologising. "It's all ok I promise" Tubbo whispered, "you're ok now, you're safe". Tommy let Tubbo hold him as he cried into his shoulder, not knowing what else to do. "Wanna do something to maybe take your mind off it?" Tubbo asked as he sat back and looked at Tommys face, he looked scared. "L-like what?" Tommy stuttered. "I don't know, we could go shopping, we could go to the park, we could invite Ranboo 'round to do something" Tubbo said, listing options. Tommy just shrugged, he didn't want to do anything, he wanted to go home, cut himself, and die.

"I-I wanna go home" he stuttered. "Ok, want me to go with you?" Tubbo asked. Tommy shook his head no, he wanted to be alone in his own room with a blade pressed on his arm. "Want me to walk with you?" Tubbo asked, noticing Tommy had zoned out. Tommy shook his head again. "Ok but please, please call me if you need help" Tubbo said as they both stood up. "I will" Tommy sniffled, knowing he definitely wouldn't. They both walked down the stairs, soon getting the front door. "Are you both going out?" Schlatt asked. "Tommy said he wanted to go home" Tubbo said, sounding worried but Tommy ignored it. "I-I'll be back if you guys want me to" he said. "Yeah of cause, are you going alone?" Schlatt asked. "Yeah" Tommy sighed, "bye" he said quietly before leaving, closing the door behind him.

Tommy noticed he had started shaking and his breathing was off but he ignored it and kept walking. He quickly got home, opening the door and looking in the kitchen. A cabinet was open, it was full of beer bottles. He had an idea as he walked over to it and opened a bottle before taking a sip from it. It didn't taste nice but he was thinking more about the feeling of being drunk, he wanted to feel it so he sat down and drank more. He then put the bottle on the ground, it was empty. He wasn't feeling anything so he drank another, and another until he stood up with three empty bottles on the ground. He instantly fell into the table as the room span, he didn't know what was happening but he liked it. He tried to walk, failing as he fell into the chair. *Am I finally drunk?* he thought, holding onto the chair so he didn't fall over.

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The next chapter is a bit comfort but also not

1860 words