Living In A Transphobic Home || TommyInnit trans story

Pain

Tommy woke up to his head banging, he didn't want to move as he slowly looked around the room. Everything looked weird, almost unreal, he put his hand in front of his face, it looked normal but weird, he didn't like it. He grabbed his head as it started throbbing with pain, forcing him to make little noises of pain. "Tommy, you awake?" he heard Tubbo asked from behind him as he slowly turned around and faced him. "There's my answer" he laughed, "are you ok?" He asked. "My head hurts a lot" Tommy said, clear pain in his voice. "I'll go get some pain killers for you" Tubbo said, slowly sitting up before quickly being grabbed. Tommy had grabbed Tubbos arm, he didn't know why as he quickly apologised repeatedly and let go. "It's ok don't worry, do you remember anything from yesterday?" He asked. Tommy shook his head. "I'll explain after I get pain killers ok" Tubbo smiled, watching Tommy nod.

Tommy felt like Tubbo had been babying him a little over the past few days but he didn't mind it, he kinda liked it, it made him feel special in a weird way. "I'm back, dad is downstairs making breakfast, he asked if you wanted anything" Tubbo said, walking over with a glass of water and some pain killers, sitting down on the bed in front of him. "I-I'm fine" Tommy stuttered accidentally as he slowly sat up and took the pain killers. "You sure?" Tubbo said. "Yes, what actually happened yesterday?" Tommy asked, putting the water and medication on the bedside table next to him before facing Tubbo. "Well the first thing was, you had a nightmare, we got through it, then I ate whilst you went to the bathroom, we had a talk then you decided you wanted to go home alone so I let you of cause" Tubbo explained.

"I don't know what happened then but I called you, you picked up and you were completely drunk. I quickly rushed to your house and found you on the floor, slouched against a cabinet in the kitchen with 3 and a half empty bottles of beer next to you" he continued, "I called dad and he helped bring you back here, the thing I noticed the most though was that you never wanted to leave my side, you were constantly clinging to me until we went to bed" he finished. "All I remember was being terrified" Tommy said, *I really wanna do it again* he thought, really wanting to say it out loud but he wasn't going to. "Are you ok? Your eyes are tearing up" Tubbo said calmly. Tommy nodded, quickly apologising before facing away and wiping his eyes with his sleeves. "Need to cry?" Tubbo asked. "N-no, sorry" Tommy apologised again. "You sure? Want a hug?" Tubbo said, opening his arms with a smile. Tommy didn't reply as he fell into the hug with a sniffle. "There it is, it's ok, what're you thinking about right now?" Tubbo asked, slowly rubbing his back. "Too many things" Tommy sighed.

*Suicide, getting drunk again, overdosing, I wanna do it all Tubbo I really do but I can't tell you* he thought, accidentally hugging Tubbo tighter as he started to cry quietly. "It's ok, I'm here for you remember" Tubbo said calmly. "Thank you" Tommy sighed painfully. "No problem, wanna talk about anything? Maybe about what made you want to get drunk" Tubbo said. "I guess I just wanted to feel something different" Tommy said quietly but Tubbo heard. "Different?" he said. "Yeah" Tommy sighed, not elaborating any further than that. "Want to do it again?" Tubbo asked, already knowing the answer. "Kinda" Tommy whispered. There was a pause before he spoke again, "can I go home" he asked. "And do what?" Tubbo asked. "Nothing" Tommy sighed. "Tommy you can always go wherever you want unless I know it'll end up with you in danger" Tubbo said. Tommy started to care less and less about what he himself was saying, "you know me so well" he laughed as a tear slipped down his face.

"Just a quick question, you don't have to answer it of cause but, do you want to die?" Tubbo asked calmly. "Like I said, you know me so well" Tommy said again. "It's ok" Tubbo whispered. "Is it really?" Tommy asked calmly. "If nothing feels ok then just know that it will be ok one day soon, everything will be fine" Tubbo said, "y'know, when you were drunk, we tried to help you to bed but you refused to let go of me, you said that you were safe when you were around me, something about how you had never had this before, so you refused to let go of me, I had to reason with you to make you let go" he laughed. "You're making me sound really clingy" Tommy laughed, not cheering up but liking the stories. "You were, you really were, every time dad picked you up, you had to be holding my hand, I found it really wholesome even though I knew you were hurting inside. I couldn't get off my mind that the person I was looking at was only my age and they had been through enough already" Tubbo said as he held Tommy closely, slowly rubbing his back.

Tommy couldn't help it anymore as he slowly started to break down into Tubbo's shoulder. "You can cry it's ok, cry for as long as you need, I'm not leaving you any time soon" Tubbo said calmly. "I'm so sorry" Tommy said quietly. "You haven't done anything wrong it's ok" Tubbo said, listening to Tommy's cries, not knowing what else to do. "How do you feel right now?" He asked. "C-can I be honest" Tommy cried. "Of cause". "Real fucking low" Tommy cried quietly. "I already know, I can tell you really need someone and I'm just reminding you that I am right here for you, I'll listen to everything you have to say and I'll give you advice if you want" Tubbo said calmly. "I-I don't deserve people like you" Tommy cried harder. "You deserve every good thing that has happened to you, you're a very good person Tommy and you did not deserve any shit you have received in your life" Tubbo said reassuringly.

"I-I don't wanna be here" Tommy cried, his cries were muffled due to his face being buried into Tubbo's shoulder. "I know you don't I know, you need to stay strong though, and what I mean by that is not bottling up your emotions and keeping it all to yourself" Tubbo said, "you don't realise how proud I am of you, a lot of people in this world are struggling with the same thing you are and they haven't talked to someone about it but you have and I'm very proud of you for doing that, you're genuinely a very strong person Tommy, you just don't realise it" he kept going. Tommys chest and stomach hurt a lot as he held onto Tubbo tightly, as if he were to let go Tubbo would disappear. "Just a reminder that I'm not leaving you, especially if you need me, it's ok to need someone, it's ok to need help, it's ok to be confused, it's ok to talk to someone about whatever is bothering you" Tubbo continued, really hoping everything he was saying was helping.

"T-thank you s-so much" Tommy said shakily. "It's alright, remember you're in a safe place now, nothing can hurt you and nothing is going to hurt you" Tubbo said, "now I want you to sit up for a second and look at me ok" he continued, feeling Tommy nod before he slowly sat up, their eyes locked as Tubbo started speaking again. "I want you to understand that you're loved, I love you man, as a best friend of cause" he smiled, watching Tommy break down even more. "Thank you" he cried. "It's all ok I promise" Tubbo smiled, pulling him back into a tight hug. "You are loved" he said again.

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Sorry this chapter is a bit dramatic, I'm just tired and sad lol

1376 words