Under the Blue Flames {Nakamoto Yuta}

Chapter Seventeen

One month after the coronation

"You forgot the homework again?" Kun chastised. You shrugged in response, trying to rub the exhaustion from your face, onyx bracelets clinking together as you did. Kun could repeat that he was worried about you, he could ask again if you've been to therapy, he could ask if you've spoken to Yuta, and he'd receive the same answer, a resounding, 'it doesn't matter.'

You shouldn't be alive.

This was the mantra you had been repeating to yourself since the day Yuta became king and Jaemin died. He died, but it should have been you. No matter how often Yuta tells you that he loves you, that Jaemin did not die in vain, that you had value as a person, it fell on deaf ears.

You should not be alive.

Spring classes had started up, and one of Yuta's first acts as King had been set into motion- all Knight's Cross Night students were required to take two Day classes to further help integrate the two populations. So, when you shrugged at Kun's question, there was a brief pause before Yuta had yanked out your completed homework from his own backpack.

"She left it in my dorm," he chuckled, holding it in front of you for you to begrudgingly take it from his hand. Yuta had been keeping you in his dorm after classes to help you with the courses you shared, and trying his best to get you motivated again to do your schoolwork like you used to. Yuta was so kind, and patient. It was a waste to spend this energy on you, you felt.

Your classes that day went as they had been for the past few weeks: you staring aimlessly at the front of the class, not bothering to write anything down. Zoning out was the norm. If Jaemin was alive, he'd probably have taken his human classes with Hendery- something interesting, like neuropsychology through the lens of pop culture. Maybe he would have taken a botany class with Johnny, or he would have utilized his psychic abilities to help him in a debate class with Ten. They would have been amazing on a team together, you thought.

If not for the onyx bracelets on both your wrists, you would have burst into flames at the reminder that Jaemin was gone. It weighed on your mind almost every second of the day. Anytime you even felt any sliver of joy, you would bring yourself back with the forceful reminder that he was gone and it was your fault. A mother no longer had her son, you no longer had your friend, and the already dwindling psychic population was even more scarce.

Yuta loved taking legal psychology. He was engaged the entire class, and you watched as everyone admired everything about him- if only they knew they were in the presence of a King. He was adjusting as best as he could to the role- trying to balance running a literal government with what he actually cared about, which was his academics.

The council adamantly tried to get him to not continue going to university after the coronation, but with his new decree mandating all enrolled mythics take human courses, he managed to assuage them that it would only be one semester he would be a King and a student. Some council members got so desperate, they even tried to get you to convince him to change his mind. You were sitting in the night students library that day, and when they realized you were just going to ignore them and stare at the wall, they gave up rather quickly.

The only reason you would even bother getting out of bed anymore was for Yuta. He deserved so much more than you could give, no matter what he said, but getting out of bed and expending energy was exhausting.

Yuta had taken the checks after class for you that day. You stood at the end of the science hall, listening to him talk about the book you were assigned to read for European literature when the hairs on the back of your neck raised. A sick feeling sunk to the pit of your stomach, and for the first time in a month, you had energy.