Sambucky One Shots

Touch

Summary: Bucky finally reveals to Sam why he always refuses to have sex. Established relationship.

Warning: past sexual and physical assault.

Bucky's metal hand reaches to cup the side of Sam's face, one of his fingers gently caressing his lover's skin. His flesh arm wraps around Sam's neck in a loose hug. Sam lets his fingers roam inside Bucky's soft, silky, dark brown locks and pulls on it a little bit, eliciting a sweet moan from him. Their lips fit together perfectly and they can taste the remnants of strawberries and chocolates in each others' mouth.

Bucky parts his now swollen, pink lips letting Sam's tongue explore his sweet mouth. They always come this far, almost every single day. But as soon as Sam's hands start to move on their own accords all over Bucky's body, caressing, loving him, he jerks away, heart pounding heavily in his chest. Not from the euphoria of kissing his boyfriend, but from the terror that plagues his broken heart. Memories that keep him away from enjoying his lover's cherishing hands and make him run away from him. All Bucky wants is to say it out loud, tell Sam why he feels so out of place, why he trembles with a fear that his past drilled inside the core of his mind. He cannot, not even this time. So he runs away. Away from Sam, his confused face and worried heart to their guest room. And when he does, he wishes that he could stay with Sam but run away from his past that just won't leave him alone.

~

Sam follows soon after, worried and questioning what exactly went wrong. This has been happening for sometime. They would start making out, and it would go great until Sam's touches turned more suggestive, but never too pushing. But Bucky would pull away and come up with something like- 'we should finish watching the movie', 'your hot chocolate is turning cold, Sam', or 'I really gotta pee, be right back!'

Bucky never ran away from him before, though. He looked so scared and tired, Sam wishes he could take away all of his pain and worries, but it's not possible if Bucky doesn't open up to him. And he's not going to make Bucky do that, he knows his lover will come to him in his own terms. But right now Sam cannot help but run after Bucky, desperate to decimate his pain, fear and discomfort.

While searching for Bucky around the house, Sam hears loud sobs coming from the attached bathroom as soon as he enters the guest room. Bucky forgot to close the door, and Sam's heart breaks into million pieces when he notices him on the floor huddled in a corner, breathless sobs breaking him apart.

"Baby, I'm here... Can I come closer to you?" Sam knows he has to ask, so he does. Bucky looks up, he doesn't respond. Instead, letting out another cry he rushes forward and clutches onto Sam, wrapping himself around his lover as tightly as he can. Sam is taken by surprise, he thought Bucky would probably start shouting, ask to be left alone. But he is so, so glad that Bucky didn't push him away, maybe tonight he will finally tell him what has been bothering him, maybe finally Sam will be able to fully help his sweet lover.

"Shh.. I'm here sweets, I'm here. Take deep breaths for me, please. It's gonna be alright, just keep breathing, my love." Sam himself takes deep breaths, hoping Bucky will follow him and help himself to calm down. Soon Bucky's cries are toned down to small sniffles, his heart calming down by each passing minute.

Sam carefully sits down on the bathroom floor, Bucky still holding onto him as if he is the super soldier's lifeline. And in many ways, he actually is. Before he can ask his boyfriend what went wrong, Bucky starts to speak, pain behind his following words hitting Sam like a thousand bullets.

"Y-you know Sammy, I really love you, a-and I want you to touch me all over, give me s-sweet memories and make me forget those.... things Hydra did to me. But-but everytime we get intimate, those memories flash before my e-eyes and.... I just cannot go any further.... I'm so sorry." Bucky lets out another tiny sob, his eyes filling up with tears again. Sam is quick to place a tender kiss on his forehead while trying to process what he meant.

"W-when I was with Hydra.... They didn't only b-brainwash me. They would beat me up too, time to time if my memories started resurfacing, they would tase me and.... There was this guy, R-Rumlow... and few of his other goons.... They made me do... other things... Used me... to please themselves. I was nothing to them, just a tool. It hurt so much... How they tortured me. I still cannot stop the pain, the fear. I always try to just stay with you because I want to do something special with you. But I can't. Those memories just won't let me.... I'm so sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry." Bucky cries again and again, until he can't anymore. He just rests in Sam's arms now, hoping Sam wouldn't leave him for that part of torture Hydra inflicted on him.

"Sweetheart, please don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry for the crime they committed. You don't have to apologize for the pain they forced you through. I just wish... I could help you feel safe from a long time ago, so you wouldn't have to fight those memories all alone. I know you want me, I want you too but I'm more than ready to wait as long as I need, for you to be ready, for you to feel comfortable. I'm here baby, and I'll do everything to keep you safe, to help you feel safe. I'm sorry that I didn't notice sooner, but I'm here, and I will never let you go, Buck." Sam pours his heart out, as well as his tears.

Through their sniffles, tiny sobs, 'I love you's and promises, they can see the hope, Bucky can see the hope that one day, he will be ready. He will be safe in Sam's loving arms, finally.

_____

Hope this was alright.

Please let me know if you guys have any specific prompts that you'd want me to write.

Take care, be safe ❤️