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--ᴊᴀᴄᴋ--

𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙰𝚅𝙾𝙸𝙳𝙴𝙳 me all day. And the day after that, as well. And... I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this. I understood, really, I did. And I didn't push anythin', not wanting to make my case worse. But as the days turned into weeks, and we neared our eight month mark, I started getting nervous. She was everywhere-- putting up the horses, cooking over the fires, helping Mrs. Mitchell deliver her baby. I suspected the captain was throwing us together, seeing how cool she'd been lately. I couldn't fault the man, as he'd no idea how badly I'd mucked things up. Otherwise I'd have been right in there with him. 

But for now, I had to be content with watching her across the camp, as she gently bounced the baby, talking and laughing happily with Emma. She turned slowly, probably feeling my eyes on her, and offered me a very, very small smile. It was a start. The only question now was if I'd have enough time. We'd only tomorrow left before we got to Stockton, and I was fairly sure the company would be splitting up there. And I, for one, was dead set on staying with Y/N.

--ʏ/ɴ--

I hated Jack Kelly. With every breath I tried to remind myself of that, tried to remember that I could not, should not love him. Hate was the only thing I felt was safe; indifference was fertile soil I couldn't afford. But the thing they don't tell you about emotions is that it takes such a tiny push to tip you over into the opposite. And when I felt my mouth curve into that smile as I caught his eye, I knew I'd been sent off despite my best efforts, and I was falling faster than I'd ever thought possible. 

I turned away, my heart going a million miles an hour as I bounced Baby Mitchell a little more fervently, seeking the distraction of Emma's voice and the baby's squeals... so much time, so much effort spent staying away, and all of that work gone in a heartbeat with a striking face in the firelight and a jawline tilted at the perfect angle. Deep down I knew it wasn't just because of that, knew it had been building and building and that that old saying was true, dangit-- absence made the heart grow fonder, or at least time softened the imperfections enough to make it think it did. 

Whichever it was, I was done with whatever excuses I'd been feeding myself. Come Wednesday, I'd face him in a proper town, and if all went well maybe I wouldn't have to stay a boy as my disguise anymore. A whole extra person as a part of my backstory would easily create plausibility... and I wasn't too heartbroken about closer company with him, anyway. 

At the very least, though, I planned to get that kiss. 



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