hydra | svt

CHAPTER SIXTY ONE.

wonwoo

when i had finally registered those fateful words - the words that had caused the absolute detonation of my embryonic world that was already rickety like a newborn lamb learning to walk for the first time - nothing but blind panic had overcome me as everything as i knew it shattered. i'd read the theories and the science behind the 'fight or flight' response, as they called it: adrenaline and the sympathetic nervous system and all the different hormones involved, i guess you could even say i had mild anxiety myself. and yet, the way i reacted last night was nothing but primal.

pure instinct.

it's hard to describe - every nerve burned and thrummed like i was being electrocuted from the inside out, as well as my throat closing before i could release the tension in my chest that had been festering ever since minghao and hansol had left. all my organs just wanted to erupt from my body and my heart still hasn't stopped jackhammering in my chest yet.

i barely slept four hours in total, constantly starting awake right before i could fully hit REM sleep, and i felt and looked like it too. giving up close to four thirty in the morning, i ignore the nausea making home in the bottom of my stomach and stumble into my ensuite to freshen up my appearance at the very least despite feeling like i just fell from the top of seoul tower and landed on a bed of thorns.

the steaming water is the smallest solace as i scrub myself raw, a physical manifestation of my will to be rid of this anxiety and the unsettling feeling of being watched; i'm surprised i'm not bald by the end of the shower from how hard i shampooed my hair.

a clean mouth is also another minute improvement, although its hard to get every tooth when your hands jolt with fear every few seconds.

even after cleaning up, the time had barely crept towards five o'clock.

with a much clearer head i am finally able to notice the draft in the room. naturally i had not stopped to close my bedroom window after last night's ordeal and i stalk over to it now, glaring at the orange and peach blots of the sunrise, before throwing the whole thing open. my curtains flutter with the slight morning breeze and the cold burn in my nose is a welcome feeling. for a few minutes i permit myself to all but two minutes of respite, observing the drowsy neighbourhood whilst sucking in as much fresh air as i could.

as soon as the streetlamp flickered off for the day, i shut the window again.

the buzz of my phone causes my heart to leap into my throat and i visibly start, unable to register what the noise is for an embarrassingly long time.

it's just a text on instagram from mingyu.

[min9yu_k]

hey wonwoo, wanna walk to school with me, hansol and hao today?

such a simple question can make your life feel somewhat normal again. i text back a thumbs up and proceed to gather my exercise books for the school day ahead, and change into comfortable jeans and a graphic sweater. it feels pretty chilly already so i throw on my leather jacket just in case.

the sounds of the neighbourhood waking up lull me into a short nap until my normal alarm for 7:30am goes off and i decide to meet my friends at the end of my street, clawing to get away from this house.

with my backpack strapped so firmly to my back it squeaks against the leather, i slowly slide the dresser away from my bedroom door. my ear pressed to the cold wood is met with utter silence and i contemplate leaving through my open window and bracing the fall from the second floor; my shoes are downstairs though, and i feel like i would be raising some eyebrows showing up to school in my mismatched socks.