The computer program

12. Heavy rain

I became happy.

Indescribably so.

The anxiety and soft melancholy of the last time I had been with Hashi was replenished with happiness and joy, a flock of butterflies constantly present in my stomach. Each day was hazed over with a tinge of excitement, and my glee knew no end.

Hashirama even texted me. Hashirama and me hadn't really texted before other than short, practical things or sexual hints, but now, we had an ongoing conversation. I couldn't wait for Monday, for when I would attend his lecture again, for what we would feel after all this time when I had avoided him. Shockwaves of excitement ran up and down my arms and legs as I thought about it, and I realised just how much I had missed the sexual tension between us.

I kept studying for my exams, and read a bit of neurology each evening. Somehow, my newfound love for Hashi hadn't rendered me less able to focus, but more so. I believed it was because I had been so anxious during our breakup but now, when we were happy, the anxiety was gone, so even if I was less focussed than I could be, I was more so than what I had been before.

He didn't ask to meet, mind, but I figured he was too busy with his research and planning lectures, and that he was too wound-up in his thoughts to remember he should at least mention meeting. I forgave him for it. 

It felt as if I would always forgive him.

It wasn't until after five days I realised I hadn't gone to mine and Tobirama's spot since Hashi had fucked me again, and I suddenly felt awful. I was madly in love with Hashirama, yes, but Tobirama has been nothing but good to me, and I hated myself a little for not taking time to even think of him.

Slightly before the time when we usually met, I took my keys, put on my cobalt blue wind jacket against the rain and left my apartment. I took the bus to the base of the hill as it was raining, but the climb up provided enough exercise, especially with the droplets hitting my face like needles. As I arrived, my teeth were shattering.

And Tobirama was there.

He was turned with his back to me, wearing a leather jacket that did nothing to protect him against the rain. It was becoming heavier and heavier, the rain, almost like a blanket over us, providing the sensation of sharing bed with him.

He didn't hear me approaching because of that heavy rain.

"You'll catch a cold."

He didn't turn to look at me. He didn't even flinch. 

"You forget I can turn off my sensory neurons."

There was a warmth in it voice that did something to me. It was as if his voice was honey that he poured into my mouth down my throat and to my stomach, causing the Hashirama butterflies there to drown, replacing their fluttery sensation with a warm glow. I had never considered the fact that maybe, butterflies wasn't all that good of a sensation. 

"Actually, I haven't forgotten at all", I answered, hoping my voice displayed even a grain of the warmth his has provide me. "But the sensation of cold is just for protection. The cold can still cause you damage."

I walked and stood beside him, saw he was smiling.

"I love it when you outsmart me", he said.

"Sometimes, I wonder if you're truly a computer", I said, and his smile died a little as the atmosphere around us became increasingly intimate. "But then, I remember I saw your dead body and then I remember again."

He didn't say anything. We stood quietly for a while, a small distance apart, looking out at the view, half-obscured due to the rain.

Suddenly, he threw himself over me, hugged me close to him. There was panic in the hug, desperation...