Justice, Law and The City

21

The school is suddenly too small for Hope. She ignores the calls of everyone including Faith. She could vividly remember the lectures on Ethics of a Legal Profession, taught in her first year under Legal Method. When she had been first taught that topic, she wondered what those people who had been disbarred would do. She remembered thinking if anyone had thought about suicide. Or did they just die of shock? You know those translucent rays of death where you explode in pieces from the inside till you die on the outside. Those ones where they can't pick your parts up not because it splattered on the floor but because you scattered to the moon, sun and stars leaving your memories on milky way.

She didn't know how death tasted until she was 15 and now, she was tasting it again. And what for? The same reason!!?

She stood up from the bed where she was furiously packing her belongings and removed everything from the bag again, blaming everyone for her predicament but herself. It was easier that way.

She had texted Father telling him everything and waiting for him to call back furious, but he did not. He texted her. it was short and formal. It didn't warm her up like the last one. It said, "Pack up, will be there to take you home on Friday."

Her eyes fell on the previous text, "I touched you last." It had two goofy emoji behind its trail. She wondered how she would survive. Not when she got home – that was too long term. She was thinking about the car, with him, alone.

Her eyes fell on the former text again and her mind danced back to the events that led up to it. He was dropping her off at a bus stop where she would board a bus to school. They kept talking and dancing leading them to miss their stop. They missed two more and by the time he got it right, he made sure he touched her last and locked the doors and windows leaving her furious on the sides. Her phone in her hand as it chimed and lighted up and when she looked at it, he had texted her that. She burst into laugh and looked at him wearing a cheeky grin. She loved him, a lot. Sometimes mother got mad that she was partial.

Now, sitting on the bed, she felt all alone. She felt like a puzzle, a missing piece. She wasn't high, this was the heights of being fucking low. No pack, no group, no family. Now alone, she didn't fit anywhere, she wasn't tucked anywhere. Rather, she was an oversized shirt tied around the waist with office pin, every move jabbing into her skin and she smiling for a world that only broke you.

A knock sounded from the other side of her door and she willed herself not to ignore it. "Who's there?" Silence. She ignored it and went back to folding her clothes.

The knock came again. She knew Abigail wasn't in school so she did not feel pressured. "I said, who's there?" Her voice sounded small, shaky even, but rude – very rude.

"Me."

"Who?"

"Me."

She ignored it.

"Open up na."

"Who is it?" She seethed through gritted teeth.

A deep sigh resounds from the other side of the door. "It's me Faith."

Hope stalled, wondering why she was here. She opened the door and Faith looks at her. "So, if I don't mention my name, you won't open. You mean to tell me that you don't recognize my voice?" Faith says looking her up and down.

Hope ignored her questions but her hands still at the door, blocking her from gaining entrance and meaning to do so.

"You won't let me in?"

Oh. "What are –"

Faith scrunches her face. "Hmphh, Hope," she calls with a hint of bewilderment. "You don brush your teeth? Chisos." (She says colloquially for Jesus.) She goes on to move closer and sniff like a dog. "Have you even showered since you left my house on Wednesday. You dey smell like dog piss and cow shit." She says and burst into laugh but Hope looks at her, a seemingly dead look in her eyes as if to say that she had reached her limit.