STRANGE RECONNECTION - T.OIKAWA

02

☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ2. Changes in a Person

❝Have you ever liked Oikawa?❞

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Me and Oikawa have known each other since we were children. Our mothers were close, which in turn, made us spend a lot of time together and we did develop a really good friendship over those years before high school, maybe as close as our mothers were.

Oikawa started to get a lot of attention once he hit this high school years. He was attractive and charismatic, not to mention athletic, it made him very popular among his peers. He was the complete opposite of me. I was quiet and even running for the bus made tired me out. I didn't find myself particularly attractive but I wasn't devastating looking either. I was just average. I would look in the mirror some mornings and see nothing outstanding or interesting, just someone incredibly plain. In my opinion, I was not the good kind of average person, but the type of average person that was completely and utterly boring to look at.

Despite this, Oikawa stayed with me. Looking back on it, I find it rather pathetic how much I relied on a boy that would later treat me like I didn't exist. Even relying on a boy to start with sounds pathetic to me now. Although it was comforting to have someone by my side, keeping me company even though I could barely hold conversation with anyone but him as he was never that hard to talk to.

Oikawa was the only friend I had for a long time. We had known each other too long to be bored of one another now. It wasn't a problem that I didn't have friends, though. I had many acquaintances, I just didn't care about going out my way to make plans to hang out with people, it always caused me far too much stress.

Until third year, when I sat next to the new girl. Her name was Hana. She had dark hair with blonde streaks and black painted nails. She was tall and talkative and for whatever reason, she really liked me.

For once in my sad life, I had someone how was genuinely interested in me, besides Oikawa of course but I had never had a girl friend before, it felt different than my friendship with Oikawa. Hana was a boost in my confidence, just by watching her interact with the word helped me learn how to talk like an actual person and she had a bad habit of pushing me out my comfort zone. One time she even convinced me to dye coloured streaks in my hair and she always helped me pick out new clothes, that actually suited me for once. Without realising, I had adapted a lot of Hana's quirks and ways of speaking. I hadn't even noticed I managed to develop a sharp tongue until Oikawa pointed out. He said he was proud of me for "moving up in the world", in his own words. I felt the heat go to my cheeks when he said that.

Hana had made me a somewhat interesting person just by being my friend. I barely noticed a change until Oikawa said something about the way I spoke to people was different. I went home that day and looked in the mirror, until my eyes caught an old picture pinned to the wall beside it. I did look different, I looked more headstrong and aware of myself. The person in the picture felt like a stranger, a shy, awkward one. I didn't miss that old self, it felt nice to change.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Have you ever liked Oikawa?" Hana had asked one day. She was lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her face was blank and unreadable, like she really just said what first came to mind, she always did that. Unlike me, she was very upfront about her thoughts and feelings.

"Like as in a crush?" I, who was sitting on the bed as well, my head right next to Hana's and my feet dangling off the edge, had replied. I knew better than anyone that was exactly what she meant but I still asked anyways.
"Yeah," Hana answered quickly, awaiting an answer.
"I dunno, I don't think so," I said, my tone indicated that I was still pondering about it as I spoke. "probably not," I concluded.
"The fact that you're saying you don't think so, makes me think that there is a chance that you might."
I replied with a hum.
"Like, think about it this way," Hana began to explain, "most people, if they get asked if they like their childhood best friend, they immediately say no right? You had to think about it, so there must be some sort of feelings there, right?" Looking back this seems like idiotic reasoning.
I hummed again. "Maybe, there might be a crush there."

I did tell Oikawa about it. It was a fleeting thing. Something that was originally supposed to be a joke. I didn't actually care much for the crush, I had always thought that if it were to go either way, I'd be fine with it. Either let it develop if he felt the same or move on if it was one sided.

I looked up at him with a smile on my face and the ghost of my laugh still lingering in the air. Oikawa didn't look so cheerful. He was playing with his hands and couldn't look her in eye anymore. My eyes narrowed but I tried my best to brush it off and start a different conversation.

Two weeks later, Oikawa had pretty much stopped talking to me and I had let it happen. It had become so tiring to watch him tiptoe around me and always find some terrible excuse to get away. I didn't care enough to deal with that sort of thing but it still hurt to watch that friendship die. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry over it.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A couple years after our graduation, I found a text on my phone from Oikawa. He had asked if I wanted to get coffee and had put a smiley face at the end of the message. I let out an audible laugh at it. I had grown rather bitter over the situation since he stopped talking to me. It felt almost condescending for him to send a message like that after all that time.

I took a screenshot of the text and sent it to Hana, expecting her to joke and through insults around about him like teenage girls usually did about boys that turned them down. Instead, all Hana replied with was "lol u should go".

And so I did.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Trying to write in first person to get me out of my confirm zone is the worse decision I have ever made