Waiting for my death | Horizon zero dawn fanfiction

Chapter 4: Tomorrow

I lay down wide awake with all these thoughts spinning in my head, wondering what could possibly have gone wrong. Seconds turns to minutes; minutes turns to hours. Yet I can't seem to shut my eyes. My eyes are bound at the ceiling, wondering what I'm currently experiencing truly is real. Perhaps all of this is a big misunderstanding? Maybe the whole conversation with my parents somehow didn't happen.

My body has cursed me with freezing without a blanket, while also feeling like I'm overheating when I use it. I hopelessly switch between wearing my blanket and then kicking it off, a cycle that never ends.

And it seems like I'm not the only one running without sleep. I abruptly hear footsteps creaking against the wooden floor, I can hear by the sound of them that it's my dad's. I instantly turn off my focus, praying he doesn't open my door to find that I'm fully awake at 4am. He has a strange ability; he can always tell if somebody is faking their sleep or not.

But no, I assume he just needs to go to the bathroom. I let out a breath in relief. I later hear him wander back into their own bedroom.

"Are you awake, honey?" I hear him ask through our keen walls. My mom can't fool dad with pretending to be asleep, despite them being married for so many years.

"Hmmmm" mom groans quietly.

Dad sighs. "I think we're both aware of what's bothering us."

"Yes of course. You regret forgetting to put the chicken out of the freezer a few years ago and you're currently overthinking it."

"Yana, I usually enjoy your sarcasm, but you know we need to talk about this like two grown up adults..."

"I wasn't sarcastic."

Dad responds with a mannered chuckle. "Okay then, but let's not discuss my anxiety."

"Some things are better left alone, Matteo." mom replies, slightly irritated.

"Please," dad desperately begs, "Elle shouldn't go to war, she's only eighteen! She deserves to enjoy her early adulthood, go to parties, do stupid shit like we used to do back in the days."

"Of course, I think so too, but you know we don't have a choice."

"It's unfair, there must be another way. Even if it's illegal. I don't care. We can't send our children to a war for god's sake!" Dad exclaims, "besides, we don't deserve this either. We aren't even originally a part of the military, why are we even forced to do this?"

A long pause falls upon their bedroom. I finally decide to slowly sit up and lean my head against the wall. I didn't hear them as clearly as I'm able to now. I hold my breath as I hear the following words my mom is about to say.

"You think I want this? Open your eyes, Matteo! The world is dying. The machines are out of control. Do you want to die a coward that hid behind the constant firing weapons, or do you want to die like a brave man defending his country to his last breath?"

I swallow hard. An abrupt lump of despair fills the empty void in my stomach, and pressure against my chest suddenly looms, like a heavy iron fist holding my down against my will. I want to scream at them, beg them on my knees to not leave me. Not them as well! I wish Ivy was here to comfort me, but not even she was able to be there for me when I needed her the most. If I could see her again, even for a second, everything would feel okay again. But she's gone. Forever.

I'm pretty sure dad sighs before answering moms encouraging words. "You're right. But I refuse to take Elle with us."

A long pause again. My curiosity of what they're gonna say craves in me, so much that I'm unable to lay still.