Waiting for my death | Horizon zero dawn fanfiction

Chapter 15: Plague

A/N
Trigger warning for a mild panic attack.
/IDlindberg

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Dear Ivy,
I am confused. Your online friend is crazy, and I am befuddled. You would laugh so much if you were still here, about all the weird shit I've gone through. We would laugh together again. Today, I am leaving San Francisco with an absurd plan which makes me feel like the main character in a Hollywood movie. You would call my life a movie if you were here. I know your humor all too well. I see it clearly, like peeking through a looking glass, in Cordelia.

I'm starting to wonder if somebody will find these corny notes in the future. They would make no sense. they aren't supposed to. They are my messages to Ivy, so she's the only one who truly needs to understand them.

I offered her my vulnerable heart and she took care of it with consideration and devotion. That's what love is made of, both platonic and romantically, entrusting your heart to someone, leaving it open for both harm and healing. It's about leaving your soul opened, to be nurtured or broken. What will they do with my offered heart? Would they leave a few scratches, try to crush it with their bare hands or watch over it like a lioness protecting their cubs? You never know. That's what's scary about love, but it's also the beauty of it.

I'm interrupted by a flickering signal coming from my focus. I tap it, revealing a message sent to me from Cordelia.

I'm on my way, then we're leaving for the train station. I hope you have your things ready.

I squint over to the corner of my room, where my black and out-of-fashion backpack is standing unbalanced against the wall. I only packed one set of clothes, a toothbrush and a few other hygiene products. I do not believe I need much packing, since this won't exactly be a vacation sort of trip. My only goal the upcoming weeks is to survive, which I'm not guaranteed to succeed.

I pick up my backpack and fling it over to my back. I leave the room, running down the stairs briskly, possibly for the last time. I meet grandma at the hall, who stands firmly in her place. Her hands are tangled together. She wears an understanding look on her face, head tilted slightly upwards.

"Thank you for keeping me company," she says, "And you are an amazing grandchild. You are just like your mother, brave and cunning. She would've done the same thing too. I'm proud of both of you, my genes surely didn't let me down."

Her words fill my heart with warmth, but I refuse to believe them. I am nothing like my mom. I stagger back at the slightest obstacle , and I am overly sensitive. She faces her fears head first, with no hesitation visible in her eyes. I am weak. But she is an intellectual, and it makes her strong. I have never felt like I've lived up to the standards of my spectacular family.

Yet I give her my most painful smile. "Thank you, grandma," I stammer, "Please be safe. And, stay in contact with me, okay? And go to a bunker where they offer safety and protection. And promise not to leave that safety until Zero Dawn is completed and all Automated War Machines have been slain."

Grandma covers her mouth with her right hand, suddenly giggling at something unknown to me, "Slay. That was a popular slang word when I was young. It meant that-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," I interrupt her eagerly, "But like, I really need to get going now. Cordelia is waiting for me."

"You didn't let me finish, this is important."

"Grandma," I say jokingly, with a verbal indication of love towards her unpredictable and wonderful personality. "Okay, sorry. I should have let you finished speaking, but I seriously don't have time. I need to get going now or else we might be running late with Cordelia's brilliant plan."