under control | cbg centric

01.

beomgyu took a deep breath before he showed two of his fingers down his throat. he moved them few times but nothing came out.

he felt like shit. he almost done it, beomgyu was so close to spent the entire day without eating, he already done it yesterday. beomgyu did so well the whole day and then it all went downhill.

he was laying in his bed scrolling through twitter when hyuka and soobin asked him if he wants to watch movies with them. and that's how beomgyu ended up sitting in the living room, with two of his bandmates, surrounded by food.

'maybe if i just have a few pieces' beomgyu told himself as he stared at the bowl of chips. if he ate just a little bit it would stop his cravings and nothing will happen, right?...

it started with few chips, then few mores. then he took some of the candy hueningkai was eating. then more chips. he doesn't even remember asking his  friends if they want some instant ramen or even making it. he can't forget about the whole chocolate bar that he ate without sharing. and so on.

"woah beoms, how can this much fit inside of you"

laughed soobin and beomgyu froze. he knows that soobin was probably just teasing him but his words brought him back to reality. he fucked up,again.

and that's how he ended up here, crouched in front of the toilet, showing his fingers down his throat to fix his mistakes.

"fuck, come on" he whispered and tried again. after few tries he finally tasted the disgusting taste of puke. it was burning his throat yet he found it somehow comforting. he finally felt like he has things at least a bit under control.

he wasn't doing anything wrong right? he was just simply fixing his mistakes, right.

after few more gags beomgyu felt at least a bit less guilty. he washed his hands and then face.

he found himself staring at the mirror. beomgyu raised his shirt and examined his body.

beomgyu wasn't blind, he knew that he wasn't fat. but he saw how much more skinnier he could get. everytime beomgyu went online, he saw people talking about how skinny he was. at first he payed no attention to it but then it started to feel like people only saw him as his body, that they only cared about his weight. beomgyu started to feel like the only things that mattered about him was his weight.

he felt like the only thing he was good at was loosing weight... well sometimes.

a knock on the door brought him back from his thoughts, he quickly dried his face off and opened the door.

" hyung, is everything okay? you've been there for a while " asked taehyun who was leaning against the wall,with slightly concerned look.

"yeah haha , i probably just ate something that didn't quite agree with me, i feel better now though. don't worry, goodnight!"

without giving taehyun a chance to respond, beomgyu returned to his room. he laid on the bed, tomorrow is a new day and he will make sure to not fuck up again...

AN:
tysm for reading this!! please remember that everything said in this is supposed to be a pov from beomgyus mind, not how it really is. im thinking about writing more chapters but idk yet i might just leave it as a one shot.

stay safe yall ,bye
<3

~jupiter