If you follow me, you may have seen the announcement on my message board about this. Basically, I had an impulsive urge to make my own version of that classic AU where Harry goes back in time to right before his first year. So here we are.
Anywho, these are just snippets of what I have so far. And it's crack. Like full on crack. Very little logic, if any. And everyone is very out of character because I give zero forks.
Summary: Harry goes back in time, losing all the progress he's made — and all the forks he had. No, seriously, he's now forkless. Help a guy out, would ya?
A spider crawling across Harry's arm woke him up. Years of being constantly on edge made him almost jump to his feet to fight the danger. Thankfully, he didn't, otherwise he would have banged his head on the ceiling.
Only... that wouldn't make sense because his ceiling wasn't that low. Except it... was?
Harry looked up. Sure enough, the ceiling was mere feet above him. He looked down. The bed he sat on had a rather unnerving likeness to the same worn mattress he had slept in during those ten years at Privet Drive. His legs were just as skinny as he remembered them being at that time, too.
Well. This was one odd dream, that was for sure. Of course he'd dream he was back here. Why wouldn't he? The other logical conclusion would be time travel, but he'd have needed a Time-Turner, and he most certainly had not had one on his person when he last fell asleep. No, he was just dreaming, simple as that.
"Up! Get up! Now!"
Of course, nothing in his life had ever been simple.
God dammit! This wasn't a dream! Mother-hecking hippogriff dung!
That was the gist of what was going through Harry's mind at the moment. On the outside, though, he looked as calm as book Dumbledore.
This was just great! Just when he thought he'd get some peace, he was back in his goddamn cupboard after that godawful trip to the zoo. Everything had happened exactly as it had before, except Harry had made the glass disappear on purpose instead of on accident. But it made no difference to his aunt and uncle.
At least now, seeing that he wasn't dreaming and really was back in time (somehow), he knew what to do. Get his letter (again), go to Gringotts, get his supplies, find his Wheezy, free his godfather and leave the Dursleys forever (again), kill Voldemort to death before he got the chance to do so to Harry (again), and live happily ever after without all this wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... stuff.
Well, that sounded like a walk in the labyrinth.
[Time skip, time skip, time to skippity skippy skip.]
After getting his robes and books, Harry decided to stop by Florean Fortescue's. It had been a long time since he had had any ice cream. And by long time I mean because he had gone back several years; in truth, he had some ice cream about a week before this happened. If we want to be technical about it.
He had just received his chocolate and raspberry with chopped nuts, the one Hagrid had gotten him the last time around, and was about to go sit down when he caught sight of one of the customers at one table. It was a boy Harry's (physical) age, but he already looked tall enough to be a third-year, and he had flaming red hair and a very freckly face.
Before Harry could decide whether or not he should sit down with him, the boy looked up.
"Hi," he said. "You got all your school supplies?"
Harry shook his head. "Just need to get my wand and an owl." The thought of seeing Hedwig again made his chest ache.
"I've already got mine. It used to be one of my brothers', though. I'm Ron, by the way. Ron Weasley."
A wave of affection swept over Harry, but he forced it down in favor of acting excited to meet a potential friend. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter."
Just like last time, Ron's eyes widened. "You are?" He winced when he realized how loud he had spoken and lowered his voice. "You are?"
"Yep. Even got the scar from the crocodile."
"The — the what?"
"You don't know? The crocodile that we crashed into? It had a knife and cut me with it."
Ron blinked several times before realizing Harry was messing with him. He rolled his eyes. "You're mad," he said, then grinned widely. "I like you!"
Harry grinned back. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
[Time skip, time skip, time to skippity skippy skip x2.]
At ten to eleven, the Weasleys appeared one by one. Their conversation went as Harry remembered it (minus the discussion regarding him, of course) and the train soon was on its way.
Someone poked their head into the compartment. "Anyone sitting the- oh, hi, Harry!" Ron looked relieved to see a familiar face.
"You've made it!" Harry said, pleased. "Sit down."
Ron plunked down onto the seat across from him.
"I saw your family," said Harry. "So you have three brothers?"
"Five," Ron corrected gloomily and went into his little speech. But Harry still listened, trying to look as though this were all new to him. Then Ron pulled out a fat, gray rat.
Harry had to fight very hard not to show his urge to murder the rat to death. That slimy little traitor! If it weren't for him, his parents would be alive. Sirius would not be in wizard jail right not.
[Time skip, time skip, time to skippity skippy skip x3.]
Because Harry had not had his interaction with the twins earlier, he did not meet Draco Malfoy until they were standing in the chamber just off the Great Hall.
"So it's true, then? Harry Potter is starting Hogwarts."
"Who?" said Harry.
"Harry Potter." Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "That is you, isn't it?"
"Perhaps. Or maybe you're Harry Potter. Or him." Harry pointed to a very confused Terry Boot. "Or him." Here, he turned to Ron.
"Sorry," said Ron. "My name's actually Rupert Grint."
"Ah, my apologies, Rupert. I thought you were a Weasley."
"Course he is," Malfoy scoffed. "Red hair, freckles, a hand-me-down robe. What else would he be?"
"My new bestest friend in the whole universe, of course!" Harry announced, throwing an arm over Ron's shoulders.
[Time skip, time skip, time to skippity skippy skip x4.]
"What the fuck?" said the hat.
Dude, language, Harry berated. I'm a child.
"Did you just call me a —? Whatever. Now let's see... Oh, no. Just what I need. Another child that's going to wreak havoc."
The hat gave a string of disconnected mutterings, including something regarding chameleons, before calling out, with great reluctance (and to Harry's delight), "HUFFLEPUFF!"
Dead silence rang through the hall. From somewhere behind Harry, Severus Snape thought, What the fuck?
Dude, language, the author berated from above. There are children reading this.
Snape considered throwing himself into the lake.
So, there you go. A little sneak peek. Don't know when I'll start posting it, but I'll announce it when I do, so keep an eye out.
Edit: It is now up.
