Firefighter Confessions

Hosing the Fire

Many times we, as firefighters, are required to do pub-ed. This particular job function requires us to wear pants, don our class-B shirt, and make sure our boots are polished. Whenever we perform a public education detail, we have to "look professional." The administration doesn't want the public to know that we typically wear t-shirts, mesh shorts, and tennis shoes the majority of the time while we are working. They want the public to have the impression we dress like Roy and Johnny, and the rest of the crew from station 51, all of the time.

In our preparations to speak about fire safety at the local schools, we would polish our boots, pull on our pants, and tuck in our shirts. Typically, we are used as window dressing. The PIO, Public Information Officer, will usually talk to the groups, we wave and smile, then the newest firefighter will have to don their fire gear. Many times, even though the kids watched him or her don the gear, one or two kids will start crying at the scary-looking firefighter. Anyway, many of us do enjoy the opportunity to reach out and impact kids in a positive way.

For those of you teachers that are reading this and wondering if we look at and discuss the naughty school teachers when we get back to the firehouse. The answer is, yes, probably so. While we are at the function though, we will maintain our professional appearance and attitude. However, once we get into the trucks and put our headphones on, we begin talking.

Typically it will sound like this.

"Dude, did you see the one that was standing on the side, next to the kid that was picking his nose and eating it?"

"Yup, I bet she is the type that would bring her own ruler and hit more than your knuckles."

That was a real conversation by the way.

On occasion, parents will attend the pub-ed detail to "learn more about fire safety."

PSA

Dads, if you are reading this, don't puff out your chest at us and try to out macho the firefighters. We are not going to walk over to your wife, pick her up, and take her away from you. You are safe in your own masculinity (which appears weak when you become a chest-puffing douchebag), and will not be challenged to a "man off" by those of us in attendance.

Also, if your wife, girlfriend, or significant other appears to be giddy and a little "swoonish" let them, and don't be upset with them afterward. It is the uniform they like and not necessarily the guys in the uniform. We are not all the calendar firefighter type.

Ok...back to the story.

We arrived at a school for a pub-ed detail. I ride back-step, sitting behind my officer, who is in the front passenger seat. In today's world, that just means I ride in the back seat, facing backward. We are no longer allowed to stand on the back step of the fire apparatus and ride to scenes.

The chauffeur, the driver of the truck, had gotten out and closed his door.

My officer and I waited for him to join us. Usually, he is quick to come around the truck and meet up with us, but this time we noticed he was delayed.

A lady walked in front of the truck, holding her child's hand and wearing a smile that stretched from ear to ear. She had a twinkle in her eye as she passed by. She said, "Hi," and winked as she continued to walk into the school.

We returned the greeting, minus the wink, then looked back toward the truck as we waited for the driver.

Our driver walked towards us with, wide-eyes, blushing cheeks, and a furrow-browed.

"You alright?" Our lieutenant asked.

"I think so," he replied, "but, that lady."

"The one with the kid?" I asked.

"Yeah, her," he said, "She came up to me and asked me if I wanted to use my hose to spray on her fire."

Let me interrupt the story and interject something here.

As cheesy, silly, and funny as that sounds, we still enjoy hearing that type of talk. It is playful banter and to be quite honest, it is fun to be objectified at times.

Back to the story.

"Yeah," said our lieutenant, "we have heard that stuff before. Why are you looking discombobulated?"

Discombobulated is one of my lieutenant's favorite words.

"She said it out loud, in front of her kid!"

PSA #2

If you are going to do naughty talk with a firefighter and you have your kid with you, please remember to tell the kid to earmuff.

Moral of the story: Please flirt responsibly.