Firefighter Confessions

Shower Time

Life in the firehouse is different from house to house, day to day, and shift to shift.

For those of you reading one of my firefighter confessions for the first time, I will briefly explain my fire department's work schedule. We work for 24 hours and then are off of shift for the next 48 hours. Many of us work a part-time job during the 48 hours away from the firehouse.

Some nights we never touch our bunks, we get called out continuously. We have other times that we may get a few hours of sleep on and off throughout the night. Very, very, very rarely, the tones will remain silent all night long.

When the tones drop for a call, we will be in the rig, geared up, and out the door within two minutes. It doesn't matter if you are eating, sleeping, going potty, or taking a shower. Once the tones drop, you leave.

Although many of us can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, we still awaken and are alert when we are dispatched.

The two worst times to get called out are when you are going to pee and when you are taking a shower. We have learned the art of, "cutting off the stream" pretty well, however, rinsing the soap from your body, drying off, putting on underwear (the minimum amount of clothing we can put on is such a short amount of time, and making it to the truck to get all of your gear on is a little more difficult.

One of the best times to pull pranks on one another is during shower time. At my firehouse, we have individual shower stalls. The semitransparent glass door closes and leaves about a four-foot gap from the top of the door to the ceiling.

Remember that detail, it will be a significant factor later in the writing.

I do not participate in pranking my fellow firefighters. It is a personal choice for me. I don't want to put any type of mistrust, wariness, or anger in the guys I may need to rely on to pull me out of a bad situation later. As I said, it is a personal choice. I do not think pranking one another and having that type of camaraderie is a bad thing at all, but, it only takes one guy to take it too far.

Some shower pranks that I have witnessed are pretty cruel.

Fortunately, we have a large hot water heater at our firehouse, so, when we shower, we have plenty of hot water for everyone.

Hot water helps soothe the joints and muscles after a worker. It helps clear any soot that had infiltrated our gear. Hot water also does a fantastic job melting a bouillon cube.

This brings us to prank number one.

PSA #1 - I am not endorsing the use of a bouillon cube over simply bouillon or homemade stock while cooking. The bouillon cube is used for a practical joke situation in the telling of this true story.

One of the guys unscrewed the showerhead, dropped parts of a crushed-up bouillon cube inside the showerhead, then screwed it back on. Later, another guy started the shower, got in, and realized halfway through the shower, that he began to smell like beef bouillon. Fortunately, he was smart enough to get out, go to another shower and wash his body with clean water.

Prank number two is very similar.

The same guy that had crushed up the bouillon cube, decided to crush up a jolly rancher candy and put it inside of the showerhead.

A different guy realized that the more he showered, the stickier the water got. He was not as smart as the first guy and continued to shower under the candy water. Obviously, he had never eaten a jolly rancher and had no idea how long it takes for them to melt.

PSA #2 - If you are to ever shower at a firehouse, turn the shower on, go get your showering items, then feel and sniff for odd smells before stepping into the shower.

The last prank I will share has to do with the same guy that likes to crush things and put them in showerheads. However, this prank was not done anonymously.

The prank guy enjoyed drinking kool-aid. That is his drink of choice with any meal. He will bring in packets of kool-aid and wave them around expecting the rest of us to be as excited as he is for the elementary school snack time drink. Either that or he expects us to beg him to make some so we can sip the beverage in fine wine glasses while holding out our pinky fingers.

The poor guy never gets the reaction he wants. Oh well, he can enjoy his kool-aid all by his lonesome.

Except.

He decided to share.

One guy on the engine crew is notorious for taking very long showers. I have no idea how he does it. The tones never drop while he is showering. Anyway, he was busting prank guy's chops earlier in the shift. The prank guy warned him that he had it coming.

While the long shower guy was taking his shower, the prank guy took three packets of red kool-aid and dumped them into a styrofoam coffee cup. He filled it with enough water to make a red slurry of prankful joy. He waited for the shower guy to shut off the water after his shower, then dumped the slurry over the top of the shower door.

I have no idea how it happened, but, the red slurry did not land on his head or face. It did make a wonderful splash painting on his chest and arms. He immediately turned the water back on and tried to clean it all off. However, he had his red marks of remembrance for the next three shifts.

A truce was called after that incident and less permanent pranks were pulled on one another. Everyone laughed, including the long shower guy, and no feelings were hurt. However, the long shower guy never makes fun of the prank guy's kool-aid any longer.

Please shower responsibly.