Firefighter Confessions

One Fish, Two Fish, Was that a Trout?

Rookies have two options when they hear the phrase, "Hey, check this out," from a senior firefighter.

Option number one: Ignore the senior firefighter and go find a safe place.

Option number two: Look and hope you are prepared for the potential horrors that may permanently sear themselves onto your brain.

The following is a perfect example, I witnessed a few rookies stand in horror, a few rookies stand in amazement, and a few rookies run and expel everything they had in their stomaches after a senior firefighter played, "Two girls and one cup" after saying, "Hey, check this out."

Personally, I do not participate in the Hey, watch this game. I do warn the rookies that if they hear that phrase, do not expect to witness anything pleasant and they are to look at their own risk.

I knew it was a, "Shake my head, walk away, and distance myself from the guys," type of day when I heard one of the senior guys say, "Hey, I have to show you guys something," after our morning debriefing.

We had two rookies at our house that day and I had already warned them of the, "Hey, check this out," and the many variants of the phrase.

The salty, senior, sauntered to his laptop and opened the screen.

Meanwhile, the freshman, firefighters, flittered to his side and eagerly awaited the knowledge the senior was about to share.

PSA #1 - Although you may attempt to guard yourself against viewing a video, hearing the video can still leave an impression on your mind that is very visible. "Earmuffs!!!" is not a phrase used inside the firehouse.

The sounds I heard from across the room made me think that a gal was enjoying a very wet time of play. Not water sports kind of play, more of a, "she is a gusher," type of play.

PSA #2 - If you are a female and squirt, get very wet, leave your mark after sex, do not squirt, do not get wet, or have to continually use lube during sex, you are still wonderful and sexy. Feel sexy and enjoy making your body feel good.

That was the type of wetness I was hearing and was something I pictured in my mind.

The sounds of, "OH!, no way dude! She is seriously wearing goggles, and is that legal," erupted from the rookies.

Laughter bellowed from the senior firefighter as he relished in the rookie's responses.

Another senior firefighter walked behind the group, looked at the screen, and said, "Is that a trout?"

The two senior firefighters, the "laughter guy", and the "trout guy", are notorious for sharing videos that many people in the universe have no idea existed.

They were the ones that introduced the firehouse to, "two girls and one cup."

Later in the day, the engine and medic truck had a call to a residence to help a person having chest pain.

I am a ladder guy or truck monkey we enjoy calling ourselves. The ladder is not dispatched to as many medical calls as the engine, so, we remain at the station or go on other calls while the engine assists the medic truck.

Once the engine crew returned to the bay, they hopped out of the rig with "laughter man" and "trout man" shaking their heads. The other senior guy on the truck said nothing and left the bay. The rookie bounded out of the truck and ran to the other rookie that was on the ladder.

"Dude," he yelled at the other rookie, "it was her."

"Who," replied the ladder rookie, "what are you talking about?"

Engine rookie threw his hands in the air and said, "The lady from the video."

"Yup," said the senior trout guy, "trout and all."

During our after-dinner coffee, the engine guys told us about the call.

Don't judge, sometimes we sit around and drink coffee together after dinner.

When they arrived on the scene, they were led into the residence by a man. He took them to a back bedroom of the house and to the patient. While walking to the back of the house, they passed another room with an open door.

While the rookie and the senior trout guy walked into the bedroom with the medics, the senior "laughing guy" remained in the hallway.

Many times we will look to see if homes have smoke detectors or possible fire hazards while the medics are assessing patients.

All thoughts of fire safety were abandoned when the senior "laughing guy" glanced into the bedroom with the open door. The senior "trout guy" and the rookie glanced into the room after the medics informed them they were able to handle the patient on their own.

"No joke," said senior "laughing guy", "it was the room from the video. I saw the goggles she was wearing, the forest scene sheet she had as a backdrop, and the flyswatter laying on the floor."

"Hold on," I said, "what are you talking about?"

"The video we watched this morning," replied the rookie, "the lady we went on for chest pain was the one in the video."

"You can't be serious," I replied, "are you sure? What do you mean goggles, fly swatter, and is that a trout."

Senior "trout guy" spoke up.

"The video was of her," he said between sips of coffee, "she was the one in the video completely naked, wearing goggles, and using a trout as a toy."

"A real fish," my lieutenant asked suddenly, "as a dildo?"

"Yup," said senior "laughing guy", "I know it was her because I have seen other videos of her with the guy that let us in."

"Is that why she had the flyswatter," asked my lieutenant, "did she swat the guy?"

"No," exclaimed the rookie, "she used it to swat the flies that landed on her while she screwed herself with the fish!"

PSA #3: Please clean fish responsibly.