Pearled Oysters Volume 2

Side story: Ume's Heart

I never really thought about how other people saw my connection to Haru. Even though I had a lot of other friends growing up, it was always her that I wanted when things got tough. No matter what the world threw at me, as long as Haru was there I felt safe. When I started getting attention from boys in middle school because of my growing curves, I felt gross and uncomfortable. Their eyes felt like worms crawling all over my body. When girls noticed me I felt nothing but awkward shame because I knew they had to be judging me based on how the boys looked at me. But not Haru. Her gaze was a warm fire and soft furs. Nothing could compare, not even the relaxing feeling of Hayami's admission. Even so, the fact that I only felt that warmth from being around Haru... triggered an uneasiness in me.
What if I never felt like this or better from a guy? Even thinking back to when Hayami confessed that she liked girls and that if I wasn't straight she'd probably ask me out, I was confident in my answer that I wasn't interested in her that way. Every time I tried to imagine being in a relationship with someone, I always thought of it being a boy. Though yes there were times the boy I imagined turned into Haru for a moment. And then Kumi told us she was dating Hayami. I agreed with Haru that it sounded like a lie because we'd never seen them interact once and dating Kumi Aramatsu wasn't something you could just hide like that. But seeing the raw hunger in Kumi's eyes as they mentioned Hayami, it sparked something. A question began to swirl in my mind but had always been unfocused and impossible to read.
Then I saw him. While Haru was freaking out about both meeting her favourite amateur idol and gaining new shipping material, I couldn't help notice the wild boy with hair as black as my own clipped back into a messy style so it was out of his beautiful eyes. It was then that I realised the difference. I felt a small pleasant warmth from the wild boy. It wasn't as strong as it was with Haru... but it was something. Meeting Natsu, I finally understood what it meant to be attracted to a boy. And yet...
"I bet you're excited!"
"Huh?"
Haru leaned towards me from her desk and I tried to get closer but made sure there was still a bit of room. I didn't want to block the entire walkway between our rows and I didn't want to accidentally bump into her.
"We're getting a pair of new classmates right when he got accepted... plus the desk next to you is open."
I tried to follow what she was trying to hint at but I was distracted by the fact she smelled of fresh apples and cinnamon instead of her usual strawberry. It wasn't anything major. Just something I noticed because I was always close to her. She was my safest place. At least anywhere close except for in front of her was safe. If I had to face her and look at her eyes and smile... it got me more nervous than I could explain.
I looked from where she sat on my left to the empty desk on my right.
"Oh, yeah..."
"Do you think he'll end up sitting there?!"
"Isn't it up to the teacher?"
"Well yeah, but come on!! Don't you want him to sit there?"
I tried to give it some thought but then it came to me. If Natsu really was in our class and sat there, I'd be both trapped and torn. There'd be no way I could focus while both my best friend and the first guy I started to like were that close.
"It might not be the best thing for us. I think I'd be too nervous. Probably for the best if he doesn't sit there."
"I thought you liked him."
The quizzical look she gave me just made me wish I was a turtle so I had a shell to duck into and hide the fact my face was burning. I wasn't sure if it was because of the thought of Natsu, or because she was so close to me and her shipper nature was so hilariously cute sometimes.
"I do."
"And it's more like love than friendship right?"
       Were those two so dissimilar? They feel almost the same sometimes.
"I think so..."
"Hmmm... maybe I should give up my seat then. Let you two get some time without me around."
"No!"
The instant she suggested switching seats with someone, a sharp pain lanced through my heart. I couldn't even consider the idea of her not being with me whenever possible. It already felt like she was gone too long with this new job she started over the summer break. I was happy for her. She was getting to be near one of her favourite idols and help them with their shows. But I just wish it wasn't so often and that I could be there too.
"I don't want that... I'd be too nervous to study then."
I still had a hard time whenever the three of us went anywhere together, but at the same time... it felt right. I could drift between two safe places and bask in the warmth even though I was terrified that if I got too close to either one I'd get burned alive by both.
        "Well then I guess you're stuck with me a bit longer. At least for class. But sooner or later you two will figure it out, and then I'll be abandoned as you spend more and more school time with him. Oh whatever will I do?!"
         Her giggle showed it was all a joke and normally that would put me at ease. But this time it felt different. And I knew then that Haru was hiding something. She rarely talked about what she did at this new job, and often had raced off after getting a message or right after final bell. She'd even added a lock key to her phone and would avoid letting me in particular look at her when she was entering it to open her phone. It's not that I tried to look. She just seemed unusually aware of my presence at times and in a way that felt as though she was putting up a wall. I hated it. I hated not sharing everything with her. It hurt that she hid things. And her random attempts at pushing me towards Natsu, her actually using me as part of her real world shipping, hurt worse of all.
"Don't say things like that. No matter what, I will always want you close."
"Awww... I'd love that. But I'm sure there will be times I'd just get in the way. Besides... I don't want to get in the way of a great love story."
Stop trying to find reasons and ways to have me let go.