Just A Daddy's Girl

My loss Part 2

hope you enjoyed the last half, here's part 2 enjoy

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I was being brought back from my daze when I heard the ambulance door slide wide open. Everything happened so fast, everybody had there role to do when the doors were opened. 

The paramedics wheeled the gurney of the ambulance and were out of sight in no time. All I could do was sit and watch. 

James stayed by my side and finally said that it was time for us to get off the ambulance. James helped me down and led me through the hospital. We went straight to the waiting room as we had to wait to see the doctor.

The other paramedics said we had to give the doctor time to have a look at my father's body. Then the tears started back up again, just the thought of him being gone hurt. 

James was so supportive he stayed by my side all the way through the waiting, he got me a few glasses of water to help stop the tears and calm me down.

He said my heart rate was speeding up and that he had to keep it stable or there was a risk of fainting. I was in no state to faint I had to find out the truth. We waited for about 45 minutes to see my father's doctor. 

The doctor started to head our way so we stood up to meet him. 

"Hello, and who do we have here then?" he said eyeing me from head to toe.

"Mm-my name is Sami Myers, I'm Cole Myers daughter" I said in the closest voice to normal I could manage. 

"My apologies Sami, I wouldn't have guessed you were his daughter, well then would you like to follow me" he said all ready turning and heading to where I think his office is.

When we reached the 2 solid oak doors he held one of them open for me and shut it behind me.

My father's doctor's name was Dr. Ravenswood; I saw it on the door before I entered. "Take a seat Sami" he said holding out his hand to point me in the direction I could sit in.

"I'm assuming your father didn't speak to you about his condition, am I correct?" he said getting straight to it. "No he didn't say a word to me" I replied. "Well I'm sorry Sami to be the one to tell you" he continued "your father has been ill for at least a year or so, he visited me sometime last year for a check up and we found something in his lungs.

At first we wasn't sure as it was too small to make any judgements but I think about 2 weeks later we discovered that the something we found in his lungs had doubled in size. 

It was then we realise that he had lung cancer but it was worse than that, not even 2 months had passed and we found that it had spread a little more than expected into the pancreas. 

He decided he wanted to take medication to help slow down the process of the cancerous cells forming any further" he took a breath before continuing. I could see it in his eyes that he hated this part of his job, I could see that he did try his best to save my dad but it wasn't enough.

All I could do there is sit and take it in, I was in shock. "After about 5 months we noticed that the cells were beginning to form again and that's when the medication started to become ineffective.

He said he wanted to hold on for as long as he could for you. So we started to do radiotherapy. When we realised it only killed ¼ of the cancerous cells we resorted to the chemotherapy. 

Your father said that you wouldn't notice the hair loss as he didn't have any and that he could hide the sickness to make it look like he had a few drinks to many. But by now at least 9 months had passed and he decided it was time for the fight to end. 

We continued to give him some medication for about 2 weeks after that, we gave his a rough estimate of how long he had left. 

He had about 5months if that. But he said that was enough time to see you turn 18 and become an adult. He didn't want you to worry so he must have kept it to himself. 

The cancer spread all over his body, which was what caused his death. It wasn't a painful death; he would have felt like he was drifting of to sleep. I'm so sorry for your loss Sami, Cole was a great man and I bet he was a great father too". 

He started to walk around his desk and opened a draw and pulled out a large A4 envelope and handed it to me. "this is for you, he had been writing some letters while he was here and wanted me to give them to you when this day came , Sami I'm sorry again" his voice was filled with compassion, he really did feel for me. The tears weren't as fast as before, I surprised myself but I could tell more were on there way.

"Can I see him?" I asked with-out taking my eyes of the envelope. "Yes come with me if you please" he said holding out his hand again to point me to the door. 

We stepped into the hall and went in the opposite direction to where I came in earlier. James wasn't in sight so I figured he had gone back to finish his work. I followed the doctor to a door that had morgue written on. As he opened the door I saw him straight away. 

I couldn't take my eyes of my dad; he was just lying there on the steel counter, he looked as if he was in a deep sleep. He was covered in only a white sheet which left his arms and face uncovered. 

I walked over to him not letting my tears take control just yet. Hell no, I was going to get my goodbye. I pulled up one of the stools and placed it beside him, when I got close it made me shiver as if he was close by. I took my seat and reached out for his hand. 

His skin was cold to the touch; I held his hand even tighter. "Can I be with him alone for 5 minutes" I asked the doctor. I never took my eyes of my dad, I couldn't I wanted to make this last because soon as I leave that's it ill never see him again. 

My face probably made me look like I haven't slept in days from all the crying I have done and believe me this was just the start of it. "Sure, ill be waiting outside for you" and with that he turned and left the room shutting the door as quietly as he could on his way out.

"Daddy it's me, I'm here, I'm always here. Why didn't you tell me, we could have gone through it together? I would have been with you every step of the way." I took a deep breath and began again.

"You're my hero dad and you always have been. We did everything together. I was a proper daddy's girl and you know it. Who is going to sit and watch my films and listen to me moan about my day? Who's going to sing with me and who can I share everything with? I can't live with-out you. You have been with me every step of the way. Why couldn't you just tell me? You have left me, it's not your fault daddy but you're gone now. You've left your angel to fight for her self. I'm not strong enough dad. I'm not capable to do it without you, you mean the world to me and words can't describe how I feel. All those days we had are in the past, no more stories to be created together, this is the end of the book. This is the end of mine and your story. Where am I going to get my support hugs from, I wasn't prepaid to let you go". 

At this point the tears were streaming down my face as if all the water in my body was leaving me.

"Daddy just wake up already, tell me this is a dream and wake me up with your hugs. Cuddle me and never let me go no matter what. I need your hugs. I have never felt so empty, why do I have to feel like this. Please come back to me already, I'm not ready for you to leave me daddy, daddy I'm not ready" I didn't care by now I was crying aloud. 

My cries must have been loud as Dr. Ravenswood appeared beside me. I was still holding his hand, I didn't want to let go.

"Sami you should go now, you don't look like you can take anymore, you should go and get some rest sweetie, come on come with me" he said reaching for me. I couldn't take it; I gave my dad one last squeeze and kiss knowing that, that would be the last time I would be able to touch him. 

This would be the end of Sami and Cole from now on it will just be Sami.

I did what I always did when I was upset

I ran.