Never let go

Please don't go.

!!!HUGE TW!!!- rape, self harm, suicidal thoughts

"Y/n?" You heard the older woman's voice echo in the background, but you weren't in the place to respond yet. To be honest you hadn't been doing well recently, you'd been having lots of flashbacks recently which meant you hadn't had any sleep. Luckily Julia had been there to help you through it, and you'd been having sessions with her every few days. Julia was trying to get you to open up about what happened in your past, but it was hard, harder than you had expected.

"Y/n?" She repeated, you finally made eye contact with her, she had a concerned expression on her face, her eyes wide, searching for a response. "Wait what?-" you stuttered, finally snapping back into reality. "Y/n, I know this is hard, but you can do this. I'm here. If it's okay, I'd like to hypnotize you." She said, standing up, walking over to the sofa you were laying on anxiously, "it will help you open up, and it will help me be able to help you. Do you trust me?" She said, placing a comforting hand on your head, running her fingers through your hair. "Yes, I trust you."

She began to swing the pocket watch back and forth in front of your eyes, and soon you were under her spell. "So y/n, I'd like you to tell me a few things." She said, and she began to ask you a handful of questions, ranging from your childhood, to your mommy issues, to your need to please the people around you. And they she went to the flashbacks. "So y/n, you said you have been having flashbacks? Can you tell me what of? What happened to you?" She said, leaning forwards in her seat inquisitively. "I was raped." You said bluntly, no emotion to your voice.

Julia stopped for a moment, she let a small gasp escape her lips, but she tried to hide any emotion she was feeling. "Can you tell me what happens in your flashbacks?" She said, her hand covering her mouth, almost dreading your response. "It starts off with the touching. The hands on my thighs, on my back, on my chest." She took a breath, looking away from you, she couldn't bare to hear about it. "And then what?" She asked reluctantly, trying to stay strong. "And then he's on top of me. His breath in my ear, his hand covering my mouth silencing my pitiful attempts to scream for help." A small tear streamed down Julia's cheek, and she wiped it away quickly. "Anything else?" She asked, trying to choke back her tears. "The conversation. The talking. Before hand and after. It's like little clips play in my head. And I can feel it, all over again. And I over analyze every detail in my head. It's unbearable." You say, a cold tone in your voice, you wouldn't remember anything you spoke about under hypnosis.

"Y/n, is there anything else you think you should tell me, anything important you think I should know." Julia asked, she wanted to make sure she had all the information so she never had to do this again. "I still self harm, I've been hiding it. And I sometimes feel lost, like I don't want to be here. I often look out the window at night when your asleep, dreaming of falling out of it." Julia's face dropped instantly, she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat, "where do you self harm? And where do you keep your blades?" she asked. "On my arms, and my blade is in the back of my phone case, so nobody will ever find it." You say. "Thankyou y/n. Are you ready to wake up?" She says, standing up and moving to your side. "No, but do it anyway."

"Very well, you can wake up now
y/n" She says, and with that you open your eyes, go see Julia looking down at you, her eyes glassy and filled with tears. She looked devastated. "Julia?" You say softly, sitting up and wrapping your arms around the older woman, who looked utterly shattered. "It's okay my love, I'm here. I won't let you go." She said, stroking your hair and planting kisses on the top of your head. "I need your phone, y/n" the older woman said, pulling away from your grip. You felt a pit in your stomach, and your face flushed red. She knows. "Julia.." you say, in almost a soft whine. "Y/n, give it to me." She said. And despite your attempts to resist, you were still hers, and you hated the thought of not doing as you were told. So you reached in your back pocket, and handed her your phone.

You looked away from her ashamed, as you heard the click of your phone case, and the small clink  of the blade falling into her palm. She handed you your phone, but your face remained turned away from her. She grabbed your chin, and turned your head to look at her, "it's okay. I've got you. Y/n, when you feel like doing this I need you to come to me. Do you promise you will come to me?" She asked, still holding your face in her hand. "Yes." You reply softly, "good girl." She says in a low voice, releasing your chin from her grasp and walking over to a locked cabinet, where she keeps all of her pills. She opened it and placed the blade inside, and then locked it again. You didn't know the lock combination, so you wouldn't be able to get it, which is why she probably put it in there rather than a bin you could search through.

She looked over at you, and beckoned you to come through to the bedroom, and you submissively obliged, standing up and walking over to her. You entered your bedroom, and sat on the end of the bed where Julia had pointed. She silently walked over to you, and began to take off your clothes. She was being so gentle, so caring. She kissed your cheek and picked you up, placing your naked body under the silk sheets of the bed, and soon joined you in them. She wrapped her arms around you, kissing your skin all over, placing gentle strokes along your side. "If you wake up, you wake me up. No matter how late. Now you go to sleep, I will make sure it is safe, I promise you are safe." She whispered in your ear, nibbling on your neck before placing a loving kiss on your lips. You melted into it, feeling every ounce of emotion in her, letting go of every ounce of emotion in you. "Please don't go." You let out a soft cry, burning tears streaking down your cheeks. "Don't worry my love, I won't ever let you go." She spoke softly, tightening her grip on you, nuzzling her nose into your neck. Your cries eventually stopped, and your eyes closed due to the sheer emotional exhaustion of today's events, and you slept, in Julia's arms, and stayed there all night.

Hi. Sorry it's been a while, I have had exams and stress and just a lot. But here's this. Sorry it's really depressing, but it will get better in the next few chapters :)