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i thought telling paisley about the dream would help. however, after a few days of letting it soak in everything just got worse. ive had lots of time to think about it, to think about why i fucking feel this way. as much as i love paisley she was no help. ash figured out about it (i can only assume paisley told him) and has been bugging me about it for the past five days. i needed to get away from everyone. if i look at michael's face one more time i think i might explode. i decided today i would guide the campers to sermon by myself, as boring as i found it i knew it could get my mind off of things.
we walked into the wooden dining room sitting at our assigned groups table. today a counselor from a different cabin was leading the sermon. he had fluffy dark brown hair that matched the color of his eyes. he tapped the mic slightly before he started speaking, "whats up guys my names calum, i know none of you want to listen to two hours of me talking so i've set out notebooks and pencils in front of you for today's lesson." he was a fairly attractive guy, and reminded me of michael in the sense of they didn't want to be here. a man handed calum a sheet of paper which i'm assuming is the directions for the activity. "ok, so today you will be writing a letter to someone you want to forgive. maybe you lied to them, made fun of them or simply disliked them." calum sighed looking over to the pastor sitting down on a bench next to the small stage, "what the fuck is this." the mic just barely picked it up, and a couple of the kids giggled. i let out a small laugh as well, soon the pastor rushed onto stage shooting calum away.
"so sorry about my son. he didn't get much sleep last night. anyways go ahead and open your notebooks and begin writing." the pastor stepped off the stage pulling calum to the side. i looked over to one of the campers that was laughing and started laughing at myself. i already knew who i was gonna write the letter to. i wasn't very religious, but if there is some god out there i hope they can forgive me for the dream. i picked up the red pen they left us and started writing my letter.
dear michael,
i had a dream. - it was about you, it's nothing you would ever want to hear about. but if i don't ever tell you i'll probably consume myself in guilt. you're never gonna read this, but i can pretend like you will. was it nice? of course it was. why wouldn it be? it started with us in the woods. i'm not even sure how to write this. but i didn't have a swimsuit on, and when i came out of the water you were standing there, like you appeared out of nowhere... you can use your imagination for what happened next. i feel horrible. as much as i hate buying into this religious bullshit, if there is a god i hope he, she, or they can forgive me for my hormone filled desires.
sincerely, a very horny, moxie.
"moxie, who are you writing your letter to? i'm writing mine to my brother, i accidentally pulled his hair once." a girl who looked to be about 9 asked, "oh, just a friend of mine. i called him a bad name once." she giggled a little bit before sealing up her letter.
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it was 10pm, 9pm sermon ended early so we could all go camping. kids were all set up at there own campsite with the pastor so they could have a campfire. us, the councilors, had our own site.
"ok, so here's what i got for a setup. of course me and ashton get our own tent, luke and... what's your name?" paisley looked over at the dark haired boy, "calum. my names calum. it's not like i told you thirty fucking times." he mutters the last part of his sentence. "ok calum, you and luke are together."
i looked around at the campsite, only three tents. "wait, am i sharing with you and ash?" i felt fear bubble up my spine. paisley giggled, which only worsened my anxiety. "no mox, your sharing with michael. it'll be great." in the background i could hear michael cursing, he seemed to be just as pleased as i was. i stormed off to paisley ready to argue, "paisley? hello! why cant ash and michael share a tent and me and you share. you know i don't wanna be around him." i crossed my arms, she did not seem as mad as i was. she was slurping a kapri-sun worry free.
"mox you are like the only one thats mad about this. well, you and michael." she glanced over at michael who was taking his anger out on a rock. "it'll be good for you, trust me." as much as i love paisley, i really couldn't trust her.
