Just a warning, this is a massive vent. And if you don't feel comfortable reading this, it's ok if you want to leave. You don't have to stay. And for the others, thanks for reading <3
Lately, I've been feeling unmotivated to do anything in life. Even the simplest tasks of eating, walking and getting out of bed in the morning. Sometimes showering. And when I do shower, all I do is sit on the floor and think. I've vented to friends about it, yes. But after I do, I just start feeling guilty and regret it. Then I end up thinking, what's wrong with me? Lots of things, if you want to know. I can't stop thinking either. My head just ends up filling up with all these negative thoughts I've created about myself.
I've always done that. The overthinking thing. And most of the time, I'm right. But when I overthink about myself, they're always so negative. I can't even seem to look at myself in the mirror anymore without that heavy feeling in myself getting heavier.
But I've been holding onto those emotions. Just thinking about everything in life until 5 in the morning. That's not good, I know. I can't just seem to stop. I'm just so done with everything. With me waking up, these stupid feelings. I'm done with it all. I'm so done with it that I've gotten to the point of me hurting myself! And it's so hard to stop! I want to! I really do! Some of my friends do it too, and when I talk about it, I don't think they realize I want to stop and they all just act like it's a big joke.
I hate when they do that. They've been doing it for months. Joking about mental health. It's not a joke! People die from that shit. I want to die. I've been thinking about doing it since December. But I've refrained myself. Because I have 2 people I'm living for. And if those people leave, then what am I here for?
That's been on my mind lately, what are we all here for? No one knows. And that's what sucks. People have no idea what they're here for. And if you think about it, there is absolutely no reason to still be living. Because all your life, you're just going to work work work and work. Nothing else. You are born, school, work, then you die. That's why all your life, adults tell you to find a job you love because once you graduate, they know you're going to work for the rest of your life. And they want you to enjoy it. So, is there any point in living? Not really.
Thank you for reading. And if you also feel this way, I hope you feel better.
YOU ARE READING
Time is the Culprit
FanfictionFights at home, Never in the best mood. Boruto Uzumaki has a lot going on. He's soon going to find something that truly shocks him. He soon goes back in time to see the truth and hopefully fix everything.
