The Wyld Girls

Chapter 9 - Michelle

Wyld Times, Episode 38

"Wombats?" says Kylie in mild disgust. "Wombats aren't interesting!"

Kylie, Bruce and Michelle stand in a grassy enclosure. Around their feet are round, brown, slow-moving animals. As the hairy marsupials amble around, one bumps gently into Kylie's leg. It glances up at her, snorts in disinterest, then shuffles on.

Bruce laughs, his distinctive bellow. "I reckon they don't find you interesting either, Kyls!"

Michelle explains earnestly. "I know wombats don't seem that exciting compared to some of the animals we're used to seeing on our adventures, but these little guys are actually fascinating!"

"I don't know," says Kylie, watching the furry brown mounds.

Bruce folds his arms, unimpressed. "I'm with you, little sister – wombats are boring. This was your suggestion, Shell. Give me one good reason why wombats are worthy of being on Wyld Times."

"I'll give you three," says Michelle, defiant. "One, they might look slow, but they can run at speeds of 40 kilometres an hour – that's almost as fast as Usain Bolt."

Kylie brightens. "No way!"

"Yes way! Two, they poop in cubes – seriously, look!" She points at the piles of little brown cubes scattered around the enclosure.

"Whoa!" says Kylie. "That's so weird! What about number three?"

Michelle grins. "Number three, their best defence is their butt!"

"What?"

"When a wombat is threatened, they hide in their burrow." She leans down and taps a passing wombat gently on the rump. "These guys have a solid bone plate covering their bums, and on top of that are layers of fat, skin and fur. Their butt is basically indestructible – it has very few nerve endings, so while they hide, a predator can try to bite or scratch them and they won't even leave a dent on the wombat's armoured bum."

Kylie is giggling so hard, her eyes are tearing up. "That's so crazy!"

"That's not even the best part – if the predator gets his head between the wombat and the top of the burrow, the wombat will slam his butt upwards and crush his enemy's skull!"

Both of them fall apart in peals of laughter. "They kill predators with their butt?"

"They have a weaponised booty system!"

"An aggressive backside defence!"

"A tushy warrior!"

Bruce stares at them, a patronising look on his face. "If you ask me, a real warrior would turn and face his enemies, not moon them."

"Bru!" chides Kylie. "You're such a spoil sport."

"I'm just saying," says Bruce, sniffing and putting his hands on his hips. "Nobody ever solved anything by running and hiding."

I'm wet – again. It's been torrentially raining for a week, and since the park is mostly outdoors, I've spent every day miserably sloshing around in the wild weather, avoiding the few poncho-clad guests who've braved the crappy conditions as I try to manage the dozens of dramas caused by the rain. Overflowing drains, clogged filters, ungulates with foot rot, mould on the burger buns in the restaurant, water damage inside the reception building – the list goes on. I've barely slept and I can't seem to find time to eat more than a mouthful before my radio crackles and someone else needs me to deal with another disaster.