Retrospective ~TW~

Chapter 7

I walk into the hotel room and see Toto sitting up in his bed. When I walk in I put my phone down on the counter and turn to look for Jack. I see he is sleeping soundly in his bed, and knew that he would be pretty heavily asleep after his big day today. I rotate towards Toto.

"I am going to tell you something and I need you to just listen to me when I tell you this. I need you to know why I am doing what I am doing." He nods and I look down again, allowing my hair to veil my face.

———

Susie walked next to me, her eyes glistening as she looked at her two boys ahead, frolicking in the sunlight as they observed the monkeys. In a way, the two held a resemblance to the primates in front of them. Toto was chasing Jack, the pair hollering sounds of joy and laughter as they played their game. I noticed Susie's laughter subside as an expression I couldn't decipher crossed her youthful features.

"What's up? Are you ok?" I asked as she stared ahead, breaking her out of the trance she was locked in. She startled alive as if she was so deep in her own thoughts, she wasn't even on this planet. She snapped towards me, her smile resuming.

"Oh - I am ok, I was just thinking about Toto and Jack." The smile wavered briefly, an internal struggle arising to the surface and showing its face for a moment. She quickly regained control of her emotion and put back on her award winning smile, the smile that could have you beaming just form it's presence.

"You looked a little conflicted, is everything alright?" I pressed, as much as I was enamoured by her happy expression. Something didn't feel quite right about this moment, and I knew sue wasn't one to just spill everything without a little push in the right direction. I could only hope everything was in order at home.

"Absolutely! Everything is fine." She faltered again briefly, almost as if those words hurt her to say. She continued: "This may seem ridiculous but if anything were to happen to me, please promise me you will look after them both?"

I was taken back by the heftiness of her words, shaking me down to my core. I didn't know how to respond, breaking eye contact with her was the only way to release some of the unease I felt in the pit of my stomach. Toto's laughter demanded both of our attention as he sat Jack on his shoulders as they observed the monkeys. I nodded my head at her question and took a sip of my coffee. "Susie nothing is going to happen to you."

"Please just promise me, it will give me peace of mind if I know you will care for them. Toto may try and be a big shot but he really does need someone to help him, and if I can't be here, I know you will care for him." Again, the ballast of her words holding more meaning then I knew at the time, a double edged sword.

"You're freaking me out Sue, are you sure everything is ok?" I pushed further, this time hoping to get a truthful answer. A facade regrew to conceal the conversation further.

"Peachy." The smile returned and all felt well in the world again. The heavy moment we shared lifted with one show of her pearly teeth. Jack and Toto were approaching us now, and I smiled at Jack as he attempted to explain what he saw at the monkeys. The conversation had left my mind for the time being, but the weight of the conversation had left a mark on my heart.

———

"I could have potentially saved her, Toto." My eyes had been flowing like a waterfall, the tears lingering on my lips. Toto furrowed his brows and looked at his hands. Discussing our feelings over Susies sudden departure was not something we did frequently. He did not know that this event had occurred, startling him a little as the words were leaving my mouth.