Retrospective ~TW~

Chapter 6

We all gather around near the Mercedes motorhome, chatting amongst each other, the happy winning atmosphere obvious by the buzz that was in the area. I had a soft drink in my hand and was talking to Lewis.

"So you lost your partner and moved to Monaco?" It was the first time I had really opened up about my loss of Marc, especially since Susie. On the other hand, it felt great to be able to get it off my chest for once. Lewis was clearly treading carefully, not asking or pushing too much at all.

"Pretty much. He was involved in an accident at work, a really dodgy situation and his work was aware of the problem before his death. We sued them when he passed and I just left." Marc and I had a close relationship, and losing him was one of the hardest experiences of my life. At the same time, I learnt so much about myself in that time and developed even more as a person.

"That's intense. What do you do for work now?" Lewis is soft and gentle with the conversation and I really respected him for it. Lewis and I had become closer friend over the last couple months and I was grateful for that. I smiled at him gently and looked down at my hands. We had always been friends and gotten along well but we were becoming much closer.

"I don't have a job specifically. I have just invested the money into the stock market and play that game but it's not what I would consider my career. Sure, I make an income but it's not my job if you know what I mean." He nods and takes a sip of his drink.

"What are you guys talking about over here?" Toto approaches us and slips a hand over Lewis' shoulders. Lewis looks at me and I shrug, not really knowing how to address the sudden intrusion.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Lewis cheekily fired back at his boss, smirking at him as Toto removes his arms from his shoulders and heartily laughs. I join him and look between the two, enjoying the lighthearted conversations I've had tonight.

"I do, hence why I asked." Toto fires back at Lewis. The laughter restarts. I look around quickly and notice Jack playing with one of the other kids who comes along with the team for the races. They were both the same age which worked out well and they both got along superbly.

The two boys in front of me kept bantering together as I keep my eyes focused on the two younger boys ahead. I could see Jack was playing with Mickey's car, but every time Mickey went to grab Jack's, he would move it away.

"Jack you have to share. Mickey let you play with his car, but you have to be fair and let him play with yours." I say as I walk over to the two kids. I reach down and grab Jack's car and go to hand it to Mickey.

"But it's my car!" He yells back, and I know he is probably exhausted and needs to go down for a sleep but I also didn't want him to think that he should be greedy and get the best of both worlds. As I go to take it further, I feel a presence behind me.

"Just let him go Amelia." He says, almost in a warning tone. I turn to look at him, surprised that he would disagree with this.

"He's being bratty Toto." I try and explain the reasoning but it was no luck, he immediately cut me off.

"You're not his fucking mother so let it go." He whisper yells to me but not quiet enough for Lewis to not hear. He raised his eyebrows at me, almost like he was confused by the moment. I offered a shrug back, also confused by whatever was occurring.

"Lewis, do you mind watching Jack for a minute?" I ask as I watch Toto walk off. He nods and I begin to follow him to wherever he was walking off to. With his long stride, I was almost running after him just to keep up. He went around a couple of corners and I follow him into the garage. No one was in here.

"I am not trying to replace her. I will never try to replace her!" I yell at him as I slam the door shut behind us. He turns towards me and he is clearly seething, but I know I look the same.

"Doesn't seem that way." I scoff and look at him. I am not one for any physical confrontation, especially not with someone as tall as Toto, but I really want to shake him to pieces right now. I walk up close to him and look in his eyes, the happiness had long seeped out of them.

"Do you think I want to be here? Do you think this is how I would prefer my life turn out?" I point into his chest and continue to stare up at him, not intimidated at all by him. I knew as soon as I said the words that he would strew them into how I definitely didn't intend them.

Immediately, as if he had caught me out, he grinned like a Cheshire Cat. The evil smirk sent me back a step and I was met with the wall. I leaned into it hoping it would swallow me as the next words left Toto's mouth. "Oh that is nice to know. Real nice to know. If you don't want to be here, you can fucking leave." They shot through the air like knives.

"You know that is not how I meant it you asshole." I fire back and while my anger was still sky high, I felt my strength wavering as I felt the intense desire to disappear. I try not to let it show in my expression but you would have to be blind to not see it.

"Really? How did you mean it then?" He stayed strong and intense, only making my situation worse.

I gathered up all my courage and solidity and moved to stand away from the wall. I wasn't going to let him belittle me the way he is right now. Not anymore. "I would fucking prefer my best friend be alive to look after her own son but unfortunately for all of us, thats not the fucking case." Scream would be an understatement for how those words left me.

"I would prefer my wife here to be looking after our son, but I ended up with you instead trying to replace her." The words cut like daggers, slicing me up as they soaked in the downheartedness of what he was saying. I immediately take backward steps towards the door

"That is a low fucking blow and you know it Toto. I just want to be someone who he can rely on. Someone he can turn to when he needs it. I am not trying to replace her, and you know that, you're just lashing out." Everything became softer. I had lost the strength to fight, especially over this topic.

"Don't tell me what I am and am not doing." I throw my hands up in exasperation and turn around towards the door. I make a beeline towards it. I was over this conversation and being belittled by someone who I was helping.

"Fuck you and fuck your jumper Toto." I slip the jacket off and throw it towards him, landing only a meter ahead of him on the floor. I open the door and walk out, shutting it behind me. I could hear Toto calling my name from the garage.

I slip around the corner and start walking off behind all the teams motorhomes. I wasn't going to let myself cry just yet, not wanting Toto or any other person to hear where I was or see me. I keep briskly walking away, the cool nightly Bahrain air biting as I walk through it.

Once I got a bit away and towards the back of the paddock, I sit down and begin to cry. The emotions coming out all at once. The loss of my friend. The cruel words Toto said to me. Everything boiled over and I let it all out. I had never cried like this in such a public place before.

I let myself get it out and then I wiped my face and walked off again, wanting to cool off a little more before I headed back to the room. The area around the track was actually quite pleasant, and I appreciated the lovely area as I walked around.

I walk for a while, enjoying the scenery and watch the atmosphere as it slowly disappears as everyone starts to go to bed. I hear my phone ping and see a notification.

Lewis - You okay? Can always bunk here if you need to get away from Wolff

Me - I'm ok thanks Lewis, will let you know if I need to take you up on that offer once I get back. Have a good sleep if you don't hear from me 💜

I decide it's time to head back to the hotel and catch a taxi back. The ride is long and suspenseful and once I arrive, I get out and make my way up. I didn't know what I was going to walk into or have to deal with.

———

Happy Thursday everyone!
Hope you enjoy this little bit of drama. There is a second part of this argument that I will release on the weekend hopefully!
But from here, things start to ramp up a little :)
Bye bye