The stars were our safe place (a jegulus fanfic)

Part 5

James's POV

James sat in his bed pondering the earlier interaction he had experienced with the youngest black. Looking up at his ceiling James went over both of James and Reggie's interactions thinking about what he could've done wrong. No one else was up, Peter having gone fast asleep and Sirius sleeping in Moony's bed. James remembered a time before they were out when they would say "Sirius get's nightmares". James and Peter had already known Sirius had grown out of them but they had left it be. Anyways that's besides the point.

He was confused to say the least. Why was Regulus acting so weird. Yes, of course the situation in the astronomy tower today was one of their first real interactions but James had thought they had gotten somewhere. Like they would be friendly at least. And why did James care so much? He never thought this hard about Lily. At least, not anymore.

Ugh, god, he was always comparing them. Why? They weren't even that similar, one had long red hair, bright green eyes, beautiful lips and nose. But Lily's face and hair didn't compare to Reggie's. Nothing of Lily's was capable of being compared. Reggie's features looked like someone had chiseled them out of stone. His cheekbones were sharp and unforgiving like the quick stroke of a brush across a canvas. His eyes beautiful and dark like the shifting grey of a storm cloud. His hair always perfectly tousled, black as ink. Yes, Reggie was definitely different. But why, James didn't know. Perhaps because he was not romantically interested in Regulus. But was he sure about that either? James would have to ask Remus in the morning.

-time skip-

At the breakfast table when the marauders sat down James purposely sat down next to Remus, risking the glare he got from Sirius when he had to move to the other side of Remus.

"Hey Moony," James whispered.

"Hmm,"he mumbled, while drinking his second cup of coffee out of the many he was going to have that day.

"I've got a question," He paused and then continued, "You can't tell Sirius."

Remus seemed to stop and consider, looking at James with his eyebrows raised. "Well, get on with it then," he said finally.

"Okay, so how did you know that you liked Sirius. Like, erm, how'd you know that you liked boys?"

Remus stared at James incredulously, "Prongs," he said slowly, "Do you like a boy? Are you over Lily?"

"What?! No. Definitely not. Well, I don't think so." James stuttered. Moony raised an eyebrow at him.

"Sure Prongs. I suppose I just knew. Like I would look at Sirius and get lost in his eyes. And I could never get him out of my head or I would try to think about a girl but would start thinking about Sirius."

"K! Thanks Moony!" James said fake enthusiastically. Well, shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. He rubbed his eyes and tried to breath. There was nothing wrong with being gay, that was never in question. But this means he had lived his entire life in denial. What was James supposed to do with this? He knew he still liked girls because at some point, at sometime James had really liked Lily.

But shit people would think it was strange if James stopped obsessing over Lily. Sirius's brain might legitimately implode if he told him this. But god James couldn't just pretend, not now that he knew all this stuff about himself. And shit again because the whole situation with Reggie is fucked too (sorry there's a lot of cursing but when I get stressed I curse soooo yk) because he definitely wasn't into men. I mean it was Regulus Black for fuck's sake. Shit.

At some point the bell rang and it was time to get to first period. Throughout the day James pondered everything he had just realized. He really did like Regulus Black, which was crazy and he had gotten over Lily, which was even crazier. Could Reg be gay? There was no chance right? At least that's what he told myself. And how was he going to tell Padfoot this? He might actually kill James. I mean his best friends brother?! It was truly too cheesy.

I can't tell if the story is moving to slow or to fast but I hope if ur reading this ur enjoying it. P.S summer break just started so hopefully I'll be uploading more. Have a great day!

-the author