The stars were our safe place (a jegulus fanfic)

Part 6

Regulus's POV

!Slight trigger warning! Multiple panic attacks and mental breakdowns.

Regulus wasn't having a terrible day. Which was surprising considering that most days were. He was down in the great hall for breakfast arguing with Barty over peanut butter vs jam. Barty was yelling that jam was better. Barty was in fact wrong.

As breakfast was served and students piled their plates full of eggs and bacon and toast and all sorts of things, the day didn't seem terrible or even bad. At least not yet, it didn't. That was until the mail came.

Most kids celebrated getting mail as it meant kind letters from friends, exciting news and packages for them. But being a Black meant it was something completely different. It meant being sent home for a "talk", a marriage at the age of 16 or even a certain tattoo on your forearm. All Regulus knew as letter floated down into his lap was that it was nothing good. He glanced at the back of the letter, his fears being officially confirmed when he saw the name on the back read Walburga Black, number 12, Grimmauld Place.

Regulus fought back tears and simply  grabbed the letter and walked out of the great hall. He knew he couldn't have a reaction in the great hall because that could mean a letter home to his parents which meant... other things. So because of that he decided he had to get out of there. Barty looked up as he left and tried to ask what was wrong but Regulus was already long gone.

After Regulus was out of the great hall he walked. He walked past all the classrooms he knew. Thankfully he didn't see anybody because Regulus didn't know what he would have done. He found a hallway a long ways away from the great hall and leaned on the wall, slowly sinking to the ground.

He then let go. He let the tears flow freely, down his cheeks, salty on his lips, soaking his face. At some point his vision got black and spotty. His eyes stayed open the whole time but he could barely see. He could hear his breath. He was hyperventilating, his breathing quickly speeding up to the point where he couldn't breath.

"Jeez, Regulus," he thought to himself."You haven't even opened the letter yet."

He tried to take deep breaths, tried to calm himself down but it didn't work. He started ripping off his tie, which was tied too tight all of a sudden. Regulus struggled and struggled with it, not having the patience or mental capacity at the moment to simply untie it. When it finally came loose, Regulus threw it aggressively down next to him with a sigh of relief.

"Okay, you can do this."

Still trying to regulate his breathing he grabbed the letter and started to break the seal. Yet, before he could open the letter he felt tears prick his eyes.

"I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't to this." He contradicting his prior statement over and over in a panicky way. He could feel himself start to hyperventilate again and finally, gave up.

"I'll just read it later," he told himself out loud. "It's almost time for class anyway."

Regulus pushed himself  up from the wall grabbed his stuff and rushed to the bathroom. He sat in the stall, head in his hands calming himself down for a long time before realizing he was almost late to class. He tied his tie neatly, fixed his hair, rubbed his yes and set off to class.

-Sometime in the evening-

Dinner had just ended when Regulus decided he had to "simply woman up" as Pandora would put it. He left the great hall briskly, brainstorming of places he could go that would be private. He decided on the astronomy tower, simply cause it was far away from the great hall and the stars comforted him in times of crisis.