Forbidden Kisses

Cali

My mother and I sit in the church as the pastor prays. "Dear heavenly GOD." He says as he gives a prayer asking GOD to please watch over my brother's soul. It's been a week and we've planned out this funeral grief-stricken. Liam has been staying at my place for the past week. He's a smart boy, and he knows exactly why he is there. Would have been hard for me to have to admit out loud that my older brother is dead.

Everyone walks up to give their last goodbyes to him. Liam sits between my mother and I. My brother's wife's parents right behind our seats. Their daughter's coffin is right next to my brothers.

Everyone sobs fill the church as they say their last goodbyes. Liam cries next to me hugging me tight and crying into my stomach. My hands rub his head as I let him cry. Liam got out of the hospital a few days after we got the news. He has scratches all over from the glass and the impact of the other car. The doctor said they should heal with only a few scars.

Both long wooded coffins are covered with a silver string wrapped around them.  The sound of music and the cries of everyone makes me want to cry, but my tears are gone. I've been crying for so long I've gotten dehydrated.

When the funeral is over I head to the airport with Liam. We have a long flight back to London. My parents and I haven't talked about what we are going to do about him. He could stay with them, me on the other hand is out of the question. My busy work life is a lot to handle on top of the partying I tend to do every Wednesday and Thursday night.

I've never brought a guy to my home, but I sleep around a lot and none of them has made me want to settle. Therefore I'm not a good mother figure for my Nephew. My brother brought him around a lot to get to know me for the past three years, but I can't guide him to be a great child. Hell, I'm still in my 20's phase.

"Auntie. Can you read me a bedtime story? I want to go to sleep." He asks and my heart breaks for him. He won't have his mother around for him anymore to do this. He's stuck with me and I'm a shitty caretaker.

Bending down in front of him I put on my best smile. My eye bags probably make it seem like I'm dead and tired, but I need to cheer him up right now.

"Of course Liam. What do you want me to read you?" I ask pointing to the bookcase I had to bring to my home from my brothers.

"The three little pigs." He walks over to the bookcase and pulls out the book. Then he comes back over to me. My nephew is only 7 years old. I know this is his favorite book  though. My brother told me his wife and him used to read it all together.

"Of course. Go upstairs and I'll meet you there." I say.

He nods and runs up the stairs. Luckily I live in a 2 bedroom apartment. I moved everything from Liam's old room into my spare room. After staying with Aiden's mom for a couple of weeks they set me up with a two-bedroom. It's not a lot of money for an expensive-looking apartment.

Walking over to my calendar I look at the date. "I have the interview the day after tomorrow. I need to go out and drink all this pain away before I show up to work. I don't want to cry on my first day.

Setting my timer on my phone I walk up the stairs heading for Liam's room. He's sitting on the bed looking up at the TV. He has on the croods and he seems really invested.

"You ready?" I ask.

He looks away from the TV and then at me. "Actually. I think I'll just watch a movie before bed." He says.

Nodding I walk over to him. "Let me tuck you in." Pulling his cover back I help him into the sheets. Then he lays down and I tuck him in kissing him on the forehead. "Goodnight Liam."

"Night." He whispers gluing his eyes back to the TV.

Walking out of the room I close the door behind me a bit before walking to my room. Opening my door the smell of roses fills my senses. Before I left I lit up some candles that are now burned out. Walking over to my bed I sit at the edge. Pulling out my phone I text my best friend.

Me: Hey.

Evelyn: Hey. Are you okay?

Me: I'm going to be.

Cali: I'm so sorry for your loss.

Me: Thank you. Listen I don't know how to be a mom to a child.

Evelyn: Trust me. You're going to take care of Liam just fine. If you need any help I'm one phone call away.

Me: I don't want to disturb you and your husband.

Evelyn: You aren't! You're my best friend and we are in this together.

Me: I'm going to try and get some rest.

Evelyn: You want to come to mines Saturday. Natalia will be there also. You can talk to us.

Me: I'll think about it.

A smile forms on my face as I think about two years ago. After Evelyn and I settled in we met Natalia in a coffee shop. She's also an interior designer, but she was working there for a year until she got her degree. Now she's doing big things with her life.

Biting my lip I get off of my bed heading into the bathroom. Grabbing a pair of pajamas I tie my hair up and start the shower. As I get in I grab my body wash and start to wash my body.  Tomorrow is going to be a really long day.

Once I get out I throw on a shirt and shorts. Then as I walk back into my room I turn on the TV. Laying down I cover myself up as I try to fall asleep.