𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 & 𝗱𝗼𝗴𝘄𝗼𝗼𝗱𝘀 🌸 Changlix

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"Can you believe it has been twelve years since we graduated?" Seungmin laughed.
"Ten more years until our mid-life crisis," Minho joked.
"Very funny, Minho," the first retorted with sarcasm.
"Can't you guys stop bickering for at least ten minutes? It's only going to get worse when Hyunjin gets here," sighed Minho's partner, Jisung.
"Someone said my name?" said man asked. He had gotten rid of his long black locks and now wore his hair short. He took a seat next to Seungmin with a smile.
Slowly the friend group began to ensemble. One after another they entered the restaurant and sat down at the large dining table. They had all but one person. "Where's Changbin?" asked Chan.
"Don't think he's coming," Minho replied.
"What? Why not?" Felix questioned.
"He might be deployed. I write to him but he never writes back. How long has it been? Two years since I last talked to him?" Minho started.
"One year," a voice corrected.
The heads around the table turned. Standing in a camouflage military uniform was the man of mention. The side of his head was buzzed and his hair slicked over satisfyingly. Covering his interesting style was a black cap with the South Korean flag on it. Changbin took his seat next to Jeongin. His eyes instantly flicked to the body of a guy he once knew. A boy he used to love. Or at least, what his younger self had classified as love. In reality, it was just obsession. He was empty and needed something of distraction.
Lee Felix stared back at him with a welcoming smile. He looked different from the last time he saw him. How long ago had that been, he wondered. Almost six years. Six years since he'd last seen any of the group besides Minho and Jisung. Everyone looked fairly well. Almost everyone had rings on their fingers. Almost-Felix's hand was left bare.
Changbin noticed that Felix's freckles had started to fade away. There were no more stars to litter his cheeks. He did not have blonde hair anymore either. He had a chestnut-brown color in its place. Changbin had to admit, Felix was still as beautiful as when they were teenagers. His smile was more gentle and relaxed. Felix himself seemed more comfortable.
That was none of Changbin's concern. He was only attending the High school reunion because Minho had written such an endearing letter. "I guess he's not deployed then," Hyunjin remarked.
Changbin looked at the empty glass belonging to the man across from him. His eyes captured his reflection as everyone began speaking about their lives. What was he supposed to tell them about his own? That he'd been a crazy young adult and enlisted into the army after struggling with part time jobs for two years; or that he'd been dismissed of his duties just that afternoon because of psychological problems. Either would sound pathetic. He kept them to himself and eventually stood up, tired of bouncing his leg in repetitive motions. He moved toward the restaurant's bar top, where he ordered an alcoholic beverage to sip on. None of his school mates made any attempt to bring him back to the table. He hadn't been that social with them anyhow. No one but Minho and Seungmin would have been disappointed if he hadn't shown. Changbin brought his drink to his lips.
Just before taking a sip, a loud slam against a table across the open room disrupted his movement. His muscles tensed, a piercing ring shaking up his head. He instinctively turned to the noise, hand reaching to grasp at something on his hip. Nothing was there and the loud bang had come from a man's hand connecting to the table he sat at. They were celebrating. Perhaps another school reunion. Changbin took a deep breath to calm himself. His heart raced in fear. Before making his way back to where his schoolmates sat, he downed the rest of his drink
"Felix, we are thirty now. Where's your Prince Charming you used to always joke about?" teased Jisung.
That was the first thing Changbin heard when sitting down. Changbin had to admit, he was curious. How was someone like Felix still unmarried? "Nowhere to be seen. Yet. I don't know, maybe I passed him by earlier on in my life," he sighed.
Seungmin let out a snort. "The only thing you missed out on was Changbin and a flock of desperate females," he said.
Everyone went silent, their heads moving toward Changbin. He was swirling the fork around by its butt, allowing himself to drift into the bad thoughts. What was he going to do now? He hadn't gone to college. Working would be hard without a degree. Living, who would he live with? He couldn't impose on Minho and Jisung, nor Seungmin and his family. He would have to call up his own parents. That was not a big deal. The only thing holding him back was that he did not want to see his mother startled when he awoke from night terrors.
"Changbin liked Felix?" Jeongin quizzed.
Changbin looked up. "When did we get on this topic?"
"Please, Changbin was head over heels for him. He stared at him all through class everyday for a year. He used to say the stupidest shit too. It's actually how Minho came to realize he was in love with Jisung," explained Seungmin.
"Minho, when you are in love, it isn't a feeling, it's a person. He is my love. He is love," quoted Minho.
Changbin cursed under his breath with an annoyed tone. "I was eighteen and stupid. Leave it alone," he complained bitterly. It was not something he wanted to remember.
"You barely even knew him though," Hyunjin laughed.
Changbin felt his heart beating fast inside his chest. Not because there was a bomb set off nearby, or because his comrade had been shot. It was because of Lee Felix. It'd been twelve years since his heart had beat for that man. His ears felt hot and a raging fire burned inside his throat. It was embarrassing. The fact that he'd told Minho and Seungmin he was in love when he hadn't even known Felix. The only reason he had kept it a secret in the first place was because he was scared of the backlash to those feelings. Hyunjin was making fun of him as an adult, so of course the whole school would ruin his life for it as a teenager.
"Rats, I could've had a hot military man," whined Felix.
Changbin's eyes widened, the new liquor brought by a waiter sliding down his throat, itching the burn that had already settled. He coughed, choking on his drink. The guys started laughing, but all Changbin could think was, what did he mean?
"Remember when he used to recite poems?" Seungmin asked.
"Tell me the story of how the sun loved the moon so much, he died every night to let her breathe," Minho once again quoted.
"I never said that. I don't like that one," Changbin muttered.
"Didn't he always compare him and Felix to the sun and moon?" Seungmin added.
"I'm curious now," Felix laughed. "Can you tell me some of the thoughts you had?"
Changbin looked up from his drink and into Felix's eyes. The eyes that had once sparkled now looked dull. His head screamed no, yet his heart screamed yes. He had no choice but to obey his chest's control.
"Some people look forward to the mornings. Others the alluring aura and tranquility of the night. I looked forward to you. Energetic, warm, and a necessity like the sun. Comfortable, breathtaking, and mysterious like the moon. Your cheeks were littered with freckled stars, and when you covered them up, your eyes made up for it with sparkles. You were my universe."
Changbin had long since looked away. He could not bare to say those words while staring into Felix's eyes. He was afraid he would fall back into the black hole that was Lee Felix. "What were you? If I was the universe, you should've been like, god or something," joked Felix.
"I was the moons shadow. Unnoticed and silent. There to watch and nothing more," Changbin said quietly. He then pushed his chair out and pointed his thumb to the door. "I'm going for a smoke."
Once outside, he pulled a cigarette from its box and searched for his lighter. He pushed down the metal that rubbed against the flint, then let the flame eat away at the stick stuck between his lips. The bell of the restaurants door jingled. "You can't leave me alone with them after that, they'll tease me too much," chuckled Felix. It was clear he had been uncomfortable inside and that was his reasoning for leaving.
"You set yourself up for it," muttered Changbin.
"I suppose," Felix agreed, eyes flicking to the cigarette in Changbin's mouth. "You are going to get lung cancer if you keep that up."
Changbin shrugged. "I'll die by a gun wound before that happens."
"I don't think you're going to be anywhere near a gun for a while," Felix added. How did he know? Was Changbin that easy to read? If he was, Felix would have already known about his little high school crush on him. "You got dismissed, right?"
"How'd you come to that conclusion?" asked Changbin.
"You flinched hard when that asshole slammed his hand into the table. If that wasn't what gave it away, it was the fact that no one has seen you in years and you suddenly decided to show up. We are all friends. A reunion is just an excuse to see each other," explained Felix.
Changbin scoffed with a nod. "With that keen eye for detail you might have already known about my feelings in high school." Felix went silent. Changbin had guessed correctly. Felix had known. It was obvious to him even before Minho introduced Changbin. "So you did."
"We were stupid teenagers. I was convinced I was in love with my boyfriend. You were convinced you were in love with me. Everyone's life revolved around love back then." Felix was not wrong. In the teenage years everyone thought about dating and school. In their early twenties it was simply partying, friends, and work. And now at thirty it was back to love.
"And now? What does your life revolve around now?" What was Felix up to those days? If he didn't have a boyfriend, surely he was working his ass off.
"I own a bakery. It's not as big as I dreamed about back in school, but it's cute and it makes me a living. I think that's more than enough to be happy about," Felix told the soldier. "What about you? Whatever reason you got dismissed isn't any of my business but, what are you going to do now?"
Changbin had no clue. What could he do with a background of working in the military? He took a puff from his nicotine stick. "I'll probably try and become a police officer," Changbin replied. If he could become somewhat better with therapy there was a possibility of that happening.
"You really are quite boring. I meant your life outside of work. You're a free man now. You can do what you want for the most part."
Changbin shrugged again. He had no plans. "No clue. Been out of the dating game for a while. Actually, it's better if I just say I was never in it to begin with. Working is all I'm good at."
Felix opened his mouth to say something. He stopped himself when his phone let out a ding, signaling a notification. He fished it out of his pocket and squinted at the screen. "Fuck. Changbin, tell them an emergency came up. You should come around the bakery sometime. Jisung and Minho know it. I'll see you," he stuttered out quickly. He then dashed off, his phone moving to his ear.
Changbin watched as the man's figure slowly disappeared from his view. He had once again lost the opportunity to try something with Felix. Perhaps that was for the best.