𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 & 𝗱𝗼𝗴𝘄𝗼𝗼𝗱𝘀 🌸 Changlix

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"It was so cool! I'm so good at it. You have to convince dad to let me join the soccer team next year."
Chanbin listened to Liam as he ranted on and on about his day. Ever since Jeongyeon had reprimanded her son in front of them, he hadn't caused Liam any more trouble. For the past few weeks, he had only been smiling when picked up from school by the officer. He didn't know if he was smiling as wide with Felix. If he was, that just meant that Liam was that happy. Changbin couldn't ask for anything more. Especially because the serial killer hadn't acted up again.
It was only a matter of time before he made another attempt. Serial killers didn't give up so easily.
"Blossom, you've got to learn how to play too. Dad won't play with me," Liam whined to the young canine by his feet. Blossom was accompanying the officer often when picking Liam up. That could have also added onto why the boy was so happy.
"Your dad will play with you. Just be careful, he'll beat you," Changbin told the younger.
"As if," Liam shouted playfully. "Dad sucks at sports. He's a baker."
Changbin snorted and pulled Liam closer by his shoulder. "Your dad is actually amazing at sports. When we were in highschool he was one of the best in the taekwondo club. Sometimes when the soccer team didn't have enough players, he would sub in. Oh, and there was this one time he even played in one of the basketball games. He was amazing that day."
Changbin remembered it clearly. Felix's long, blonde hair swayed with every stride he took. His neck glistened with sweat. The older would've liked to see his arms. Sadly, Felix kept them covered. All throughout the game, Changbin looked over them, worried that it was too hot for his crush. Felix survived it though and finished up the game with a three-pointer.
Liam made a gagging sound. "Stop staring off into the distance like you're recalling some life-changing moment. I'll actually throw up. So gross," he complained.
Changbin rolled his eyes. "You'll know someday what I mean. If you're lucky enough, you'll fall as deeply in love with someone like I did your father. Then you'll see them in everything," he informed Liam.
Liam shrugged Changbin's arm off of him and picked up blossom. "As if. Love is gross. Sure, the feeling of being loved is good for a while. Eventually the hurt will take over and leave you sad. That's what happened to my dad."
Changbin's smile slowly morphed into one of sadness. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"In his photobooks. He was always smiling in highschool. At least, in his first two years. Then when he became a senior his eyes became dull and blank. They continued to be that way while I was growing up. I don't think I've seen his eyes light up since the day I called him dad for the first time," Liam explained, fiddling with the ears of the blonde retriever.
Changbin hummed at Liam's wording and went quiet. He felt stupid. If he had just noticed Felix's dull eyes when he was younger. Of course, it was different. Looking back on photos was an oppurtunity to see things you couldn't catch onto in the second it lasted during the past. That couldn't be used as an excuse for Changbin. He himself was a camera specifically assigned to Felix. He saw everything he could. Felix never did look him in the eyes that much though. It would've been hard to see the detail Liam mentioned with that handicap. He supposed that because it was in the past, he shouldn't continue to dwell on it.
"Like I said. Your dad will play with you. Even if he was bad, he'd still play with you," Changbin said. Liam shrugged. "Oh, by the way, where does your dad keep those photobooks?"
Liam plopped a few photo albums onto a table in the cafe. One, which was light blue, was labeled, Felix 1-5. Another said, Felix 6-13. Then there was, Felix High School. Some green ones to the side had the name Liam on them. Felix's son picked one up and looked through it, giggling a bit at what Changbin assumed to be old photos of Liam. The officer let him be and searched through the pile of albums.
He started with the first one which held onto Felix's baby photos. Even as a child he had a beautiful smile. Changbin flipped through them quickly until he landed himself on the Highschool album. There were pictures of Felix and his friends. Some with Hyunjin. More with Jisung. As he got closer to the pictures of his second year, he noticed Felix staring off at things in the distance.
A usb was taped to one of the pictures. "Liam, do you have a laptop?" Changbin asked the twelve-year-old. He hummed and pushed himself up from his seat. He returned a few minutes later with a silver computer. The officer thanked him and gently inserted the usb into the device, then clicked on the video that popped up in the new added file.
"Everyone, look, it's cutie Felix in his natural habitat," the young voice of Hyunjin rang out. Liam raised a brow and moved so he could see the screen. Changbin scooted his chair back so that he could lift the boy up onto his lap. "Doesn't he look so sweet?" Hyunjin said sarcastically.
Felix was sitting at a table doing homework. He looked toward the camera with a glare. "Hyunjin cut it out. Go film Jisung. I'm busy," he lectured.
"See? The reality is that he's mean."
Felix rolled his eyes and turned back to his work. Changbin heard a few voices in the background. He cringed once realizing who it was.
"You should come over and play baseball with me after school. You could even spend the night if you want," Seungmin offered. Hyunjin turned the camera away from Felix and toward the outside of the classroom. Teenage Changbin and Seungmin stood next to each other talking.
"You think Taejin would allow that? He's so strict on me. It's so fucking exhausting," Changbin replied. Seungmin started saying something about how he could sneak out or try to convince his mom. The two headed down the hallway after a short stop for Seungmin to headlock the shorter.
Hyunjin turned the camera back to Felix. The blonde was no longer looking at his book. Instead he had his eyes cast to the door, where you could barely see the fading figures of Changbin and his friend. "Felix has a crush," Hyunjin sang.
Felix shot him a glare. "No I don't," he said sternly.
"Sure. Then how come you're always staring at Seungmin when he walks by? You've barely ever talked to him," the raven-haired boy teased.
Felix slammed his book closed. "You're so annoying. Seungmin is a nice classmate. That's all he is."
"Is that so? Then you must've been staring at Changbin."
Felix's angered expression faltered for a moment before hardening. "As if I would be looking at that emo. He's annoying," Felix said.
Changbin's eyebrows raised as he listened closely to his boyfriends old words. "I think you're in denial, Lixie," another voice, Chris, joked. "You barely know him, why does he annoy you so much? I think you just want his attention."
Felix scoffed. "As if. I'm glad he hasn't acknowledged me. I hope he never does. He's just your typical homophobic, arrogant, stereotypical antagonist. He's lucky he was smart enough to stay away from me. I'll kick his ass if he ever tries anything." 
The video suddenly fast-forwarded and it showed Felix in a neater uniform. He was staring off into the distance, cheek pressed against his hand. "Don't you think it'd be nice to date someone like him?" Jisung voiced from behind the camera. The electronic moved to show Changbin sitting at a table across the cafeteria with Minho and Seungmin. Changbin remembered the uniform he was wearing as his third-year mandatory clothing.
"Which one?" Felix asked.
"Changbin. I mean, you do see how he looks at you, right?"
The blonde hummed at his friends question. "It won't last. He's just infatuated. Give it a year or so. He'll realize what my actual worth is."
Changbin shut the computer and stretched with an obnoxious yawn. He wouldn't allow Liam to see such a weak side of Felix. Felix wanted to be strong in front of Liam. Although Changbin didn't completely agree with the outlook, he would respect it.
It was funny to see how Felix's view changed. In their second year he thought of Changbin as an enemy. In their third, Changbin was someone that would run away just as soon as he saw the real Felix. Neither view of Changbin in Felix's mind as a teenager was accurate. He wasn't an enemy nor would he run away from someone he loved. Obsession or not.
"Dad was such a bummer," Liam said after a while.
Changbin took out the usb and taped it back into the book. "I think he was just good at pretending. I would've preferred that for myself. I regret acting like I did in highschool. It's extremely embarrassing to look back on."
Liam gave a sly grin to his fathers boyfriend. Changbin knew what he was getting himself into by saying that. "When your dad gets back I'll go find the videos," he sighed out.
"I'm back, what videos are we watching?" Felix asked, sneaking up behind Changbin and wrapping his arms around his broad shoulders. "I see you've been snooping," he mumbled.
"Mr. Seo got curious so I showed him our photo albums," Liam explained.
"I can see that," Felix returned. He gave a cheeky smile to his son. "Lots of memories. I'm sure you had a blast."
Liam gave himself a minute to debate whether or not it was fun or not. Both adults knew he did. He was far too stubborn to admit it. "Mr. Seo said he was gonna show me some videos of him back in highschool."
Felix inhaled gently with a surprised sound. "Is he now?"
Changbin let out a breath and brushed Liam off of his lap. Felix took his seat and picked up his son, taking Changbin's spot. The officer held up a finger to signal his departure for a minute. As soon as he came back into the bakery from the outside, he plugged in a charger to the laptop. His phone connected and he scrolled through his library. There were more videos than the average person kept. Felix raised a brow as he saw his own side profile in one of them.
"Oh my god, did you stalk me?" he laughed in question.
Changbin's face turned a bright pink. "No, just watch. It wasn't me who took that one," he said as the first video began playing.
"September-fifteenth, two-thousand-fifteen. Day one of Changbin's secret love cam. This is Kim Seungmin, who will be showing you my love sick best friend each week until he finally gains the courage to ask him out. It's Felix's birthday today, so I'm hoping it'll happen today and I won't have to make this a whole series."
The camera floated toward younger Changbin who's hair was messy and unkept. His forehead was pressed into his hand as he stared at a problem in his textbook. Class was still in session. Seungmin had guts to be recording during it. The first few minutes were boring according to Liam. Nothing exciting happened. Not until he caught onto the glances Changbin made toward his father, who sat across the class from him. His glances eventually turned into full on stares. He gave up on his book in general, leaning his head against his arm so he could watch Felix.
The video ended and the next played. One after another, videos of Changbin watching Felix played. Changbin found it cringe worthy. Felix seemed to enjoy it.
"November 20th two-thousand-fifteen. Kim Seungmin here for an interview with famous lover boy Seo Changbin!"
The emo teenager, according to seventeen-year-old Felix, shot the boy behind the camera an embarrassed look. "Could you stop?" he asked.
"You'll look back at these one day and thank me for recording them. I'm sending good vibes your way so Felix will take notice of your dumb ass," Seungmin challenged. "Anyway, what updates do you have for us?"
Changbin shut his book which was covered in sticky notes. "I'm not sharing. Get lost mutt," he replied gruffly.
"Changbin, just think of it as those songs you used to write. It's a diary. It's for the future."
Changbin took the camera that was handed to him. He then watched as Seungmin walked off to find Minho. His dark grey eyes stared into the lens of the electronic. He shuffled awkwardly for a bit before opening his book. "The hell am I supposed to say?" he muttered. His face gave off the information that he was talking to himself in his head. His lips moved without making a sound and he scoffed at something he found funny. "Hello, I'm Seo Changbin. You will probably never see this, but I really enjoy your presence at school, Felix. I guess you could say I have a crush on you. God this is so stupid."
Felix awed at the cheesy boy who was burning red on the screen. "I bought a new poetry book a few days ago. You probably will think it's weird but I mark every poem that reminds me of you. Since every poem has a different meaning, they all match you in different ways. The blue notes are for the sorrow I feel when you aren't around. Sad poems basically. The yellow ones are for the happier themed poems. Red is for passion, and green is for jealousy. I'm a very jealous person so I relate a lot to them."
Changbin continued to babble on and on about poetry, even going so far as to read some of them aloud. When the bell for class rang, he said goodbye and disappeared. That wasn't the last video diary episode they watched. There were tons more. Changbin hesitated to play one of the last few. He knew how awful it was. 
"February 13th two-thousand-sixteen. We graduate in two months." The boy went quiet. He looked exhausted and his hair was unkept as usual. It was obvious he was anxious. "Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I was going to surprise you with a confession. I can't do it anymore. Jisung told me you have a boyfriend at lunch yesterday." Changbin paused, eyes welling up with a glassy barrier. "The sun and moon rotate around the earth never to actually come face to face with another. I always thought I was the moon's shadow. Maybe all this time I was actually another planet. I don't come close to your orbit," he whispered. His fists visbly clenched in the frame. "I'll end it here with a melodramatic goodbye. Thank you for making my last year of highschool exciting and full of love. I hope only the best for you in the future. That's all you deserve." The camera shut off after that. The next video played. It had been an accidental recording. Changbin quickly paused it as soon as blood showed itself on Changbin's face. He gave Felix a glance. If he wanted to watch it, Liam had to go upstairs.
Felix whispered something to Liam which caused the boy to jump from his lap and sprint upstairs. Changbin's hand hovered over the keyboard. When he noticed Felix's worried expression, he tapped the spacebar and unpaused the video. He was going to show him a different side.
"You look like shit," Minho said, coming into view. He tried wiping the blood from Changbin's mouth with his thumb. The soldier refused. He had grown taller and bulkier. Looking to the bottom right corner, you could see the date. September-fifteenth, twenty nineteen. Changbin was barely twenty-one. "Stay still. You have to look presentable if you're going to come to Felix's party. You can't show up with blood dripping," the older scolded.
Changbin licked the dried blood from his lip and glared toward Minho. "Leave it," he told him in agression. It was obvious by the way he was standing feet apart from Minho that he wasn't himself. Something had happened. Perhaps the reason behind the cut on his face had something to do with it. "Stop butting into my life. I don't give a shit if your friends are having a get together," Changbin cursed. He gripped the cloth around his hand and tore it off. Each one of his left hand's knuckles was covered in scabs.
"They're your friends too, Changbin. Don't talk about them like that," Minho growled in offense.
"I have two friends. Seungmin and you. That's the only people that ever cared enough to look at me once. That's all I'll ever be good enough for. I'm content with that. Seungmin's happy with it. Why aren't you? Stop shoving you and your boyfriend's life onto me. I have more important things to deal with."
"Like getting yourself killed just now? Why the hell are you fighting with other soldiers? You're supposed to be a team." Minho raised his voice.
Changbin's nose twitched. It often did this when his anger grew too much to control. It was never good when the two of them fought. Changbin was loud and Minho always continued to feed the flame he lit within the soldier. "If I die that's my problem. It's not like it is out there. I'm ill and need to be corrected in this shitty place," he barked agressively. In the army it was illegal to have any type of homosexual relationship with someone. Therefore, Changbin was an outcast. They thought of him as an annoying pest in need of more scoldings. He needed to be corrected.
"Don't you think about anyone else but yourself? What happened to the you that recited poems? Where did the Changbin who wore his heart on his sleeve go? You know your mom isn't okay with this. You're breaking her heart," the older yelled.
Changbin closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Anyone could tell he was boiling over with anger. He slammed his fist into the dry wall of his apartment, knuckles injuries reopening at the contact. In his head he remembered thinking about the real reason he wanted to stay behind. He couldn't go see Felix and fall for him again only to be thrown back into hell. For some reason, that was far too difficult to voice to his best friend. "The last time I thought about anyone but myself my heart shattered. Why should I go through that again? If I die, I die. I'd rather dig myself a grave then be proven I'm unworthy a million times," he explained.
Minho walked over and grabbed Changbin by the collar. He was pissed too. "Stop talking like you lost everything. You don't know what it's like to lose it all!"
"And you do?" Changbin scoffed. His eyes dripped like a faucet on the lowest pressure. Tear after tear falling with each five seconds. "You've always gotten everything you've wanted. You have a good relationship with your parents, they love each other. You fell in love with someone who loves you back with just as much passion. You didn't waste years believing love was a chemical imbalance. You didn't fall in love and waste a year watching a boy who thought of you as anything but what you wanted. You are perfect. People like me don't get to live a life like yours. We don't get a full scholarship to college, natural talents, the looks that attract everyone we've ever had an interest in. We don't get daddy's money. Daddy left, mommy cries herself to sleep every night, and I can't remember the last time I actually wanted to be alive. So I'm sorry, Lee Minho, if I'm only thinking of myself. I'm on survival mode."
The room filled itself with Changbin's aggressive pants as he collected his breath. He gripped onto his uniform hat, chest heaving. "I wasn't in love with Felix. I don't know what love is. What I had was an obsession. I couldn't make it through life without deeming myself worthy of something. I had to strive for the thing I couldn't achieve and believed one day I would get it. I needed something to prove to myself that I wasn't like my father. Highschool wasn't the beginning of happiness, Minho. It was the beginning of the realization that I will never be enough. That's why I'm here. I can't make it out in the world like you can. If I'm going to die, I might as well die inside here where I'm somewhat useful. Stop trying to get me to see him. That's the past."
The video ended there. Changbin unplugged his phone and shoved it back into his pocket. He knew why Minho had brought up losing everything. It was because of Felix. That was around the time he had lost his sister and brother-in-law. Changbin turned to Felix. He pressed his face into his hands, releasing a few low sounding sobs. Changbin didn't know when he had started crying. Maybe when the younger version of himself had screamed that he had never actually loved Felix in highschool. That wasn't what he felt anymore. He was honestly in love with Felix as an adult. Felix wasn't an obsession. Sure, he was obsessed with Felix, but there was more too it. There was the true feeling of wanting to be there for Felix that he hadn't known as a teenager. The emotion he had convinced himself that he was feeling. In reality he had no clue what it felt like back then. No teenager did. That feeling grew with your age.
"Is that how Liam feels? That he can't live a life like everyone else because he lacks something?"
Changbin's chest tightened. He stood and grabbed Felix gently by the wrists, pulling him up into his chest. He brushed his fingers through the bakers hair soothingly as he cried. "I don't know what Liam thinks. Our situations are different. We are different people. I do think that he's strong. He'll get through it. And as someone who as been through it, I'll help him. I learned all the right ways to overcome heartache so I could help someone like Liam. So I can help you. You don't have to raise him alone anymore, Felix. I'm not who I was when I was twenty. I matured. I'll take care of you guys."
Felix wrapped his arms around his partner and clung tightly to him. "I'm scared. I don't want to lose you. I love you. Liam loves you. I want to finally have a family again, Changbin. I want to give Liam what he's missing. I just don't want you to get hurt. I don't want what happened to my sister to happen to you. He makes everything I love vanish and he's back. He's going to take you away from me."
Changbin's arms tightened around Felix. The pieces of the serial killer's story slowly came together. Felix's ex-boyfriend was sending word. That's why the message had been written on the wall of the bakery. That's why the murders seemed like acts of revenge. The question was, how long had Felix known?