You're not alone

Part 14

This night Meredith had lots of trouble falling asleep. She literally tried everything. Window open or closed, with blanket or without, with her heavy blanket, on her stomach, back and side, with the pillow on the other side but no matter what she would try, nothing worked. She was so tired but at the same time anxious. And that was a combination of feelings she couldn't deal with. Because on the one side she wanted to fall asleep since she was exhausted but on the other side she was so scared of going on that trip that she somehow denied herself the sleep because it would only mean that Monday morning would come quicker.

It was now 3am in the morning and Meredith was sitting at her desk, drawing a picture of a sunset with watercolours. Her eyes were opened just a very tiny bit but she was so focused on what she was doing that it helped shutting out her bad thoughts. Half an hour later the painting was done and was now drying on the floor while Meredith had started the next one right away. Now she was drawing a beach with a tent that contained fluffy blankets and pillows and above there was a galaxy night sky.

But this painting as well was done in about an hour. Very slowly the sun started to appear and was now shining into Meredith's room. But she didn't notice since she had already started another drawing, but now she was just drawing flowers. Lots and lots of flowers so that soon she had no more paper.

Sighing she sat down on the bed, grabbing her stuffed bunny. "I'm sorry but you'll have to stay here while I'm gone. Because I don't want something to happen to you." She said, kissing the bunny's head and placing it on her pillow, covering it with the heavy blanket that she also couldn't bring along since it didn't fit into her suitcase.

Looking at her alarm clock she saw that it was now almost six o'clock, meaning that Jolene would come to wake her in fifteen minutes since they had to meet the other kids in front of the school at eight. So, she laid down in bed and closed her eyes, trying to pretend to be asleep until she heard the door opened.

"Good morning Mer, time to get up!" Jolene said, opening the curtains and smiling brightly at Meredith who opened her eyes 'sleepily', faking a yawn. "Morning." She mumbled, slowly sitting up on the bed. "I'll go wake up Andrew, breakfast is in ten minutes." She said before walking out of the room. Meredith smiled as she watched the spot where Jolene had just disappeared around the corner. She really liked her.

Meredith stood up and grabbed her prothesis that was laying on the floor, putting on the stocking first before adjusting the leg. She walked over to er closet and got dressed into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, putting on a thin jacket on top. She was really scared that she had forgotten something really important. She was terrified that she would stand up one morning and find out that she hadn't packed enough underwear so that she checked her suitcase again and again. Suddenly the door opened and Andrew walked in, still in his pyjamas. He didn't even look at her but just collapsed onto her bed, crawling under the blanket.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked amused, standing up again. "Mom pulled away my blanket and stole it but I'm tired and don't want to get up." He said, getting comfortable, without opening his eyes a single time. "Mhm, this heavy blanket feels nice." He mumbled, making Meredith chuckle. "I don't want to go either." She said, laying down on top of the blanket next to him.

She felt him move, pulling her closer to him as he snuggled his head in between her head and shoulder so that his forehead was laying against her neck. She moved her head to the side a little too, closing her eyes as she suddenly felt really tired again. And somehow, now that Andrew was laying next to her she started to fall asleep until they suddenly heard a voice.

"You've got to be kidding me! Up now!" Jolene said, not being able to suppress a smile as she walked over to them, pulling away the blanket. "M'already dressed" Meredith mumbled, scooting closer to Andrew. "But Andrew isn't" Jolene said, taking his hand and pulling him up. "Nooo!" he said, making Meredith laugh as she sat up on the bed. "Can't we just stay here?" Meredith asked shyly, making Jolene look up at her and sigh. "I'm sure it'll be okay." She said as she pulled Andrew up onto his feet. "Get dressed now or I'll dump a bucket of ice-cold water on your head." She said, pointing with her finger at him. He groaned, walking past her out of the room.

"You packed all your medication right?" Jolene asked, eying the contents of Meredith's suitcase another time. "Yes." Meredith said quietly, fidgeting with the end of the blanket, feeling anxious again now that the start of the trip was so close. She already felt her chest tightening and her breathing getting faster but she was trying really hard to supress it. But of course, Jolene noticed although she didn't really know how to help the little girl.

"Do you want me to talk to your teachers?" Jolene asked carefully as she sat down on the bed as well. Meredith just shook her head, not wanting to cause any kind of trouble or being a burden. "I'll be fine." She muttered almost inaudible. But maybe- she would actually be fine because Andrew would be with her and she could talk to him about everything. "Okay, come on then" Jolene said, taking Meredith's hand and helping her off the bed before closing the suitcase and carrying it downstairs with Meredith following closely behind.

And soon Andrew joined them as well, finally dressed, placing his suitcase at the door next to Meredith's. He sat down at the table, grabbing a slice of bread and spread a lot of jam onto it before taking a bite, resulting in a red circle around his mouth that made Meredith chuckle. "What?" he asked with his full mouth.

"God, kid who raised you?" Jolene asked as she went over to him and passed him a tissue. "You did." Andrew said, making Jolene shake her head unbelievingly. "What do you want to eat Mer?" she then asked. "N-nothing, I'm not hungry." She replied, looking down. "You should eat something though, you'll be on the bus for almost three hours." Jolene said, looking through the shelfs to find something light Meredith could eat like a granola bar or something similar.

Right, the bus. Three hours on a bus with loud and mean children. Jolene seemed to notice Meredith's worries after mentioning the bus ride. "Have your taken your medication already?" she asked but Meredith shook her head. "You should take them, they'll help I promise." Jolene replied, walking over to Meredith's suitcase and getting out the little orange bag she had given her to pack her medication.

Also, she had added a pack of an anxiety medication that she had talked to Meredith about yesterday before going to bed. She had given it to her and told her to take one pill if she would feel really really bad and overwhelmed or anxious in general. She passed the bag to Meredith before handing her a glass of water. Andrew watched the scene, staying silent, not wanting to make Meredith uncomfortable. She quickly took one of the pills of the ADHD medication before closing the bag and putting it back into her suitcase.

And somehow just after a few more minutes she noticed how she started to get calmer and the voices in her head died down a little. But nevertheless, she had zoned out a bit, not really being aware of what was happening around her and only being pulled out of her thoughts by Andrew asking her if she was okay. "Mhm." She replied, nodding absently, not seeing how Andrew exchanged a worried glance with his mother.

"We should get going now or we'll be late." Jolene said, breaking the silence. "I'll go to the bathroom really quick, you two put on your shoes." She added before disappearing into the hallway. And the moment was coming closer and closer. Meredith followed Andrew to the door where the two of them started putting on their shoes.

"Andrew?" Meredith asked quietly, trying to hold back her tears. "Yeah?" he asked, looking up at her and noticing how close she seemed to breaking down. "You won't leave me alone right?" she whispered, her voice cracking at the end of the sentence as she looked down. "Never Mer." He said, laying his arms around her and hugging her close to him while she rested her head on his chest, listening to the calming sound of his heartbeat.

"I promise, I'll be with you the whole time." He said, rubbing her back comfortingly, both of them unaware that Jolene was standing just a few feet away in the hallway, observing them with a sad smile.