You're not alone

Part 18

*Skipping a few years* Mer and Andrew are now both 13

It was the middle of the night and Meredith couldn't sleep. There was so much going on inside of her head, so many thoughts, so many voices that just kept her from finally being able to fall asleep. So, she just laid awake the whole night, tossing and turning around in bed every few minutes.

Yesterday had been an absolute awful day. Andrew was sick which was why Meredith was going to school on her own, meaning that there was no one who would stand up for her if Sarah, Corinna or Lisa would come up to her since the bullying hadn't got any less the past three years. Meredith had hoped that with the begin of junior high school they would finally leave her alone so that she could start over and try to work on her insecurities like talking in class. But only Samantha and Mathilda had changed schools so that Meredith was now still stuck with Lisa, Sarah and Corinna who's favourite thing was to make her live unnecessarily difficult.

Meredith had bruises all over her body. From being pushed into lockers, onto the floor, against a random wall or into a table. She could barely walk since she had multiple huge bruises over her hip and knees, making it extremely painful to just move at all. But since she didn't want to worry them she hadn't told Andrew nor Jolene about that.

She would try to avoid them today, eat in the library and leave the class as soon as the bell would ring so they wouldn't catch up with her. Honestly she whished that she had caught Andrew's cold so that she could just stay home as well but even though her immune system had been extremely week the past few years meaning that she got sick at least every three months it had now all of the sudden decided to become immune to all kinds of the cold that would make her able to stay away from school. Even though it sounded stupid that she wanted herself to get sick she had even watched tv with Andrew, drank from his water and spend time with him as they were doing the homework together but nothing. She didn't even got a sore throat. So, she would have to go to school today and tomorrow and the day after that Andrew would hopefully be better again.

But, not everything was still the same as it had been because she had been able to learn how to deal with her ADHD and anxiety most of the times since Jolene had made sure she would go to therapy once a week. At first Meredith had been extremely shy and hadn't talked at all during the sessions but as time passed she had started to appreciate it because it actually helped. Her therapist, Dr. Bloom, had taught her a few ways to prevent panic attacks if she would feel anxious and stay focused on certain things when she couldn't.

They had developed a timetable that planned her whole day so Meredith would have a routine she could rely on which gave her stability in her everyday life. But although this worked perfectly for the day she hadn't been able to sleep though the nights for a long time now. Somehow she was only able to sleep when she wasn't alone and when it wouldn't be dark outside. After school she had no problem with falling asleep on the couch while Jolene was working on her laptop next to her or while Andrew was playing video games on the tv she would sleep like a rock.

She sighed, turning around again and accidently laying on another bruise on her rips, making her wince in pain. She groaned frustrated before slowly sitting up. She was so tired and desperately wanted to get some sleep so that she grabbed her blanket and jumped out of the room on one foot and through the hallway over to Jolene's room. Quietly she opened the door, closed it behind her and laid down on the bed next to her mother. She had started to call Jolene 'mom' about a year ago since Jolene really was like a mother to her. The only one she would probably ever have.

"Mer? You okay?" Jolene asked as Meredith cuddled herself closer to her. "I'm fine, just couldn't sleep." Meredith mumbled, closing her eyes tiredly. "Good night baby." Jolene said, carefully stroking her daughter's soft, slightly curly hair.

And soon after that Meredith had finally fallen asleep as she now felt safe since she wasn't alone anymore.

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The next morning came way to quick and Meredith was still exhausted as she came downstairs, dressed in a pair of wide jeans and her favourite oversized sweatshirt. Andrew was already downstairs, sitting on the couch, still in his pyjamas, wrapped in a blanket and watching tv. Meredith sighed, she whished she could stay home as well. Somehow Andrew and her weren't as close as before anymore and Meredith didn't really understand why. He had been distant for a few months now. Sometimes they would still do things together but he wasn't looking at her the same way anymore, he sometimes acted as if she wasn't there. And he always chose his friends over her and went out with them, leaving her behind.

"What would you like for breakfast?" Jolene asked, starting to prepare herself a coffee. "Can- can I have a coffee too?" Meredith asked since she was so tired that she was one hundred percent sure she would fall asleep in class.

Jolene hesitated a second before answering. "I don't think that's a good idea Meredith, I'm sorry." She said, turning around to look at her. "Why not?" Meredith asked confused, not really understanding why. "Because caffeine doesn't work well with the medication you're taking. It could lead to sleep deprivation and intense hyperactivity." She explained, sitting down at the table. Meredith just nodded. Of course. Because why would she able to do something normal once in a while. She was a freak and she knew that.

"Okay." Meredith sighed, standing up again and walking back upstairs to get her things for school. Tears started to well up in her eyes. She knew that Jolene was just trying to protect her and would allow her to drink coffee if her medication wouldn't provide it. But Meredith was sensitive and of course she had to start crying because of this. She was absolutely useless. She couldn't do anything right, she wasn't normal. Maybe that was why Andrew was distancing himself from her.

Okay, just breathe. She told herself, starting to look around her room, counting ten things she could see to calm herself down. A trick Dr. Bloom had showed her that worked most of the times when she would start getting overwhelmed. She picked up the phone she had gotten for her birthday and went through Pinterest for a while until she would have to leave for school.

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"Andrew?" Jolene asked after Meredith had just disappeared upstairs. "Andrew!" she said again as he didn't reply. "What?" he asked annoyed, not turning his head away from the tv. "What is going on with you? Since when do you care so little about what's going on around you." She said, really disappointed since she had noticed as well how distant he had gotten from Meredith. "What do you mean?" he asked, still not looking at her what made her angry.

"Well, what's going on between you and Meredith?" she asked, walking over to him. He just sighed before saying: "Stop annoying me."

"Andrew DeLuca what has gotten into you! Don't talk to me like that I'm your mother." She said, grabbing the remote and turning off the tv. "What is wrong with you?" she asked, looking at him confused. "Nothing is wrong with me, leave me alone." He yelled before storming upstairs as well.

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Meredith heard the door to his room shutting loudly, making her flinch slightly. What was going on? Slowly she walked out of her room, looking around but the hallway was empty. She walked over to Andrew's door, knocking. "Go away!" she heard him saying. "I-it's me." She said quietly, hoping that he would open the door. "Good for you, go away!" he yelled, turning the lock in his door so that she couldn't enter.

But Meredith didn't go away. "A-are you o-okay?" she asked carefully, scared that he would yell at her again as fresh tears started to well up in her eyes. Suddenly the lock turned again and Andrew angrily opened the door, making her jump slightly. He looked as if he was about to yell at her but as soon as he saw how scared she seemed to be of him he just sighed, disappearing into his room again. What was going on with him?