Whaddya Mean No? | Anderperry DPS BL |

Chapter 1: Asinine Healing

It was all a hazy blur. Being lifted up into the ambulance, Sirens blaring loudly, and my mother innately crying whilst I'm having the worst car ride in existence. I missed. I missed. I missed..... How could I fuck it up that badly. With being able to get the main role in the play and being able to sneak out of the Helton dorms, I thought I could successfully end it, once and for all. All the pain my father has done to me. I thought I could make it stop. and yet here I am.

"Mrs. Perry, the surgery was successful and your son should be making a speedy recovery." the nurse assured my mother.

"Thank you God and the heavens for keeping my baby safe and alive." brokenly my mom sobbed out.

My heart completely shattered when I heard the nurses words as I came to loosely . I couldn't- I can't believe it. Why? The weight of my eyelids became unbearable, slowly shutting my eyes, as my body was being swept away by the winds of exhaustion.

I have finally come to my senses after a few days of agonizing migraines and trying to string together a few words to ask for anything. Sitting in my hospital bed, I look out the window, pondering, how is the group doing without me? Do they think I'm in the military now? Is Todd sleeping alone in our dorm? Does Todd think I left him? Is Todd pissed off at me? I mean, I did in fact not listen to Todd when he said I should ask my dad to allow me to perform. Then I cringed when I remembered what I said to him afterwards.

"Jesus Todd! Whose side are you on?"

The look in his eyes after I said that. My heart ached as I watched his beautiful, ecstatic, blue eyes dilate to a glossy pond of still water. The adorable smile on his face transformed into an agonizing frown. I didn't mean to hurt him with my words. I would never do anything to harm Todd. Becau- Because I......... like him.

For a long as I can remember, I was always my happiest when I was around him. He always brought out the warmth in me. From studying with to sitting at the tree together. I knew he was something special to me. Originally, I wanted to be best friends with him forever but then it didn't feel enough for me. I want to cup his face with my hands while looking into his gorgeous, cloudy blue eyes. My heart begins to race then I hear the door to my hospital unit open.

"Son, I see that you are finally awake." the man married to my mother said while removing his hat from his bulbous head. "I would like to have a small chat with you." he proclaimed as if it was a question when in-fact I cant object to answering it.

"What is it father?" I begrudgingly asked.

"Next time try not to play with guns son-"

"I wasn't playing with the gun, you know what I was trying to accomplish father." I blurted out before he could even finish his sentence. The amount of rage that swelled up in me when he spoke those words was astronomical. Looking at him with fire in my eyes and fists clenched up as if I would do something to him.

"I do not know what you're trying to insinuate here son but we don't play with things like that here. We are a Christian family and for Christ's sake don't you know all the opportunities your mother and I have given you. You shall be thankful for what we've done for you." 

Every word he spoke felt like a stab wound to my chest or a bullet to the head, a bit ironic isn't it. It felt like he was saying those things to spite me, to make me feel like shit for the things he's done to me. I was about to talk back but I just couldn't anymore. My life is no longer mine, I am just a vessel, a vessel for my dad's aspirations to do what he couldn't when he was younger. I will get nothing I want ever but there is one thing I will do anything for, Welton. I will manage to go back to Welton and be with my friends and him, Todd. 

"Father, may I please go back to Welton, I promise nothing bad will happen, I promise I will get my grades, please father." I begged him whilst shifting my hands around. The cool air from outside gliding through the window, felt like freedom. Although my body was rising up in temperature, the air gave me a sense of security and comfort.

"Are you out of your damn mind?" Inching closer to bed my father exclaimed, putting a finger up and pointing to me. "I told you already that you will be attending military school, that school, that teacher, is a bad influence on you, you understand me?"

"But sir, please, I'll do whatever else you want; just let me attend Welton again." shakily I spoke, I'm afraid of my father but I'm more afraid of not seeing my friends again. Looking towards the window I glance outside and see the beautiful snow falling. I turn my head towards my father once again, "I won't ever go against your word again father. I promise, just let me attend Welton again."

I stared at my father and he let out a small grin. He must have realized that I'm desperate right now, that I will  listen to all of his future plans for me. I have just become a prisoner to him once again. Liberty and freedom, what's the point of those being the foundations of this country when it's easily ripped out from under you by guardians. I might've won this insignificant battle but the war is still raging on. 'War gives right to the conquerors to impose any condition they please upon the vanquished.' That line from Shakespeare has never felt more true to me than now.

~

Peering through the car window, I admire the beauty that is winter. The sunlight reflecting off the pale white snow; trees completely encapsulated by said mineral is pure bliss. I've never seen anything as fair as this, until he popped up in my head. I yearn to be there, in the same room as him again, sneakily glancing at him while he scribbles into his journal. I've always pondered what he could possibly be writing that required so much precision and focus.

"Give it, Neil, Neil give that back!"  Todd pleaded as he got up from the bed to chase me around the room. I pretended to read what he was writing in his journal but all I could focus on was how joyous I was at that moment. Looking back at Todd's face grinning, it's a moment that I cherish.

"Neil. Neil! We're here." my father stated as he drove to the front entrance. Welton was plastered on the side of the wall. I get a shiver down my spine as the place brings back memories. I have a second chance at life. Time to restart it.