Whaddya Mean No? | Anderperry DPS BL |

Chapter 8: Boys

TW// Next 3 paragraphs/ homophobic child abuse,

Also, I am not projecting, don't worry. Also, I don't hate religion, I am in fact Catholic, just pointing out hypocrisy that's all.

Sitting in my room for a whole school day was very comforting in my opinion. It allowed me to reflect on my life and how much of a lucky man I am to be able to have Todd. Never would I have thought that Todd would like boys. I wonder if he just figured it out or he's been knowing for a long time. I was a kid when I first found out. There was a boy in my class that enamored me. At first, I thought I wanted to be friends with him, but as we started to talk I realized it wasn't so. I was dumbfounded because he was man and so was I. I didn't know it was possible for men to like each other. Then, I made one of the worst decisions of life after that. I asked my father about it. The amount of rage that overcame his body at that moment was immense. Channeling the depths of hell, his veins on his forehead protruding like the devil's horns, he used every ounce of hate in his supposed soul to beat me. At first it was just slaps but once he heard my cries for help, it invigorated him to continue with more harsh punishments. Dark blue and black bruises covered my body from the punches he was throwing at me. Leaving cigarette burns on my back as a mean of "rehabilitation."

This went on for an hour, he only ceased the beatings due to the fact someone had called the police to our house. The cops had received a call for child abuse. My father lied, saying that no one was at the house, and that he was sorry for having the television too loud. I hid in the closet of my room, shaking, afraid of what more he would do to me. When the cops left, my father found me and said that "should've set me straight," and that if I ever think I like men, he would make sure I wouldn't even be able to think. I was only 11. What kind of god would allow a guardian to beat their own children until they could barely move? What kind of God would allow for such hatred when we should love thy neighbor?

Fast forward a few years and I would try to date girls to gain my father's approval. The amount of girls I dated went into the double digits. Trying desperately to try and find one that I can connect with. However, I was never infatuated with any of them. Kisses didn't change anything, nothing worked. "There must've been something wrong with me," I would tell myself. Eventually I gave up, I'll never be the normal that my dad wants. I'll never find someone I love. That was until I met him. My new roommate, Todd. He sparked something in me that I didn't know I possessed. His adorable behavior and beautiful mind captured me. I could see myself being with him for the rest of my life, someone that I can truly care about. If gay marriage was legal, I would marry this man. Starting a family with him was also a thought but it seems very far-fetched. Maybe one day, in 50 years or so, the world, or at the very least the U.S.A., could change their views on us.

My stomach began to violently growl, I'm starving. I didn't eat breakfast because I didn't want to see my friends' faces when they asked me what happened yesterday. I just couldn't fathom telling them that I blacked out due to trauma caused by a bullet that I shot inside myself. And oh God, how am I going to tell them about me and Todd. That me and Todd are dating, I think we're dating; we didn't say anything about dating but I assumed we were. What if Todd doesn't think we're boyfriends?

"Neil, you coming?" Todd's voice snapped me back into reality. I was clueless as to what he was asking or when he even got in the room.

"Coming where?" I asked, making it obvious how discombobulated I was.

"Coming to lunch with me, silly." Standing next to me, Todd had a bright smile on his face and glistening eyes. Were his eyes always this beaming with color?

Remembering my stomach ache I answered, "Oh yeah, I guess I'll go, I'm absolutely famished," caressing my abdomen.

"Okay Mr. Vocabulary, let's go" Todd joked with a chuckle. I grinned, holding my hand out, asking him to peel me away from my bed. He got me on my feet and gave me a hug. "I love you." crept from Todd's mouth.