That night Devika came in Yudhisthir's chamber.
As Draupadi said, he was looking at the moon in the cold balcony and cold air. Without anything wrapping around his body. What this human was upto? He had been enclosing himself and making a hard barrier around himself which none could penetrate.
Devika's heart ached seeing him as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Aarya.." she called. Yudhisthir wasn't startled. He looked at her and again turned.
"I knew you will come Devika! Come here!" He called her.
Devika went and and stood beside his seat.
"Panchali sent you, isn't?" He smiled, so much pain was inside that smile, Devika felt.
"Why Aarya? Can't I come to you on my own? Can't I?" She asked.
"You can, it's your right to go anywhere" he smiled again.
What's happening to this man? Did he break so much that she couldn't even find his pieces? No this can't be!
Slowly Devika sat near his feet. Those golden skinned feet were burned now, why not? Maharani Gandhari's furyfull gaze's victim were the feet. She caressed his toes, so cold. This time Yudhisthir seemed startled.
"Devika stand up! What are you doing Priya?" He seemed busy.
"No Aarya, I won't leave you! You have to let your sorrows out to me or else I won't leave you!" She said.
"Devika, please leave me! Don't be adamant!" Yudhisthir tried to make her stand up but she wasn't going to leave his feet.
Feeling defeated, he sat looking other side. But Devika wasn't a lady to leave so soon, she sat next to him and cupped his one cheek to face her.
"Am I that ignorant that you couldn't even think to share your feelings with me?" She said a bit hurt.
The arrow hit it's target. Yudhisthir couldn't even imagine to ignore her!
"You are taking me wrong! Devi! It isn't like that..."
"Then make me think the right one? Can't you wash down your grief over me? Can't believe me once?" Tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
"What I have given good to you? Why you still love me so much? See outside in the daylight tomorrow, none is even happy with me, why they would? What good I have given? They chose me to serve them once long ago! Thinking what? With my reign God's blessings will be bestowed upon this land! They thought I am my father's son, I would treat them the way father used to.. but what happened today? Because of this ascendent they had submerged in the darkness, show me one house where none has became orphan or widow? All because of me... to make me king.."
Devika wasn't surprise that he would take the blame all over himself.
"How could you say that all are your fault? Was it you who wanted the war to happen? Or was it you who was bloodthirsty? Or was it you who dare to do the greatest Adharma 14 years ago?" Devika tried to grow some sense in him which probably blinded after seeing the results of war.
"Think deep, you will find me the reason at end. I was failed to stop the war, I couldn't quench the bloodthirst of others, I couldn't have get over Krishnaa, isn't it me at the end to start everything?"
Devika felt speechless, if he cut all her reasoning with his submerged heart then how she would be able to save him from the darkness around?
"Don't end it here, Shaivyaa! The place where I lost completely is- as a father. I couldn't save them? Not even one? What is my worth to win the war, my sons died! 8 little blossoms of my garden were torn before blooming? Why? Why they?" Yudhisthir couldn't talk anymore, his voice was choking.
Devika was having a hard time to not let her cries out. She was a mother, she had nurtured them from their birth, except Ghatotkach and Iravan. Maybe she wasn't their biological mother but is giving birth only the bridge to love any child? Pandav household was always exception of things like this.
"No no no, you can't drown in griefs! Hold yourself Aarya!! Still you're the tree of this household! Listen? You can't break! You can't!" Devika broke completely while tightly embracing him.
"Your brothers need you, Jiji needs you all my sisters need you, I need you! This empire needs you! There is nothing which could ever take away, the grief and horror caused by the war but you had always been mentally strong and we are with you Dharmraj!" She took him out of her embrace and cupped his cheeks
"Can you understand me? I am talking to the emperor inside you! Awake yourself! Suppress the human inside and take the emperor out, that Emperor who thinks of his subjects over own feelings! If you fall down, empire will fall! No Emperor you can't do that!"
Devika knew it was seeming inhumane to say like this but she had no other choices, instead of getting up from the sorrow and guilt, he was pulling her with him. She realized none had the power to take him up except himself, that's why she tried to take his ruler side out, if it could support him out.
Yudhisthir nodded.
What? He understood this soon?
Or did he suppressed himself again in himself, to torture himself more? Did her words backfired? Devika seemed scared.
"Aarya, say something!"
"I understand Priyaa, I understand what I have to do, you don't worry,!" He said and caressed her cheeks with a smile. But why did this smile wasn't assuring her of good? Why it seemed like the most unwanted? Why?
She tightly hugged him, not letting him go anywhere, she couldn't imagine of more bad things right then!
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Devika actually tried the best of her but did it work?
(Don't take the chapter other ways, if I could illustrate the whole thing then it could be heart-rending, the scene is actually emotional but I couldn't draw it with words, sorry for that, all could do is write what I had in mind)
