The Three Kings

Chapter 28

"There he laid looking at me
In a way no one had ever looked at me.
My hands were shaking as I explained my knotted past. I will not always be easy to hold onto, for my heart is scattered with thorns. Some nights I will be quiet and he won't know how to pull me from my weeded mind. Some nights I'll forget what he sees in me and lose my balance. Some nights I'll trip over my own feet and apologize for the mess I made.
On those nights the one things that will drag me out of my own labyrinth is that look. No one has ever looked at me quite like that"
J.C

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Hanna
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Trigger Warning: Mentions of pedophile, childhood sex abuse, non-con pregnancy, non-con abortion, non-con surgery

I didn't leave the Kings sight.

It was physically impossible for me to step away from them; anytime I did, panic would set in. I felt exposed and unsafe even when I was surrounded by guards, but my body couldn't trust them.

King Alexander had called my therapist and scheduled and emergency appointment. Nothing amounted from that. I couldn't be away from King Alexander, and I couldn't talk about anything in front of him. I sat in silence the entire time, clutching onto his hand like my life depended on it. I couldn't even begin to process how far this would set me back.

"Hanna," Dr. Michaels had said, "you need to talk about it. If you can't talk about it, then you can't heal from it."

It was good advice. And he was right. I needed to talk about the incident, and I needed to talk about my childhood. I had to open myself up to them. There was a wall or a bridge or whatever that separated us from each other, and I was the issue.

The four of us couldn't be anything if I kept myself locked away. I just had to rip off the band-aid or I would never tell them.

I couldn't keep relying on them so heavily without giving something of myself in return. We wouldn't last. I'd be a ghost haunting these halls, only becoming whole when I needed something from them.

But I couldn't tell them without all three of them being here.

King Sebastian was still with the Vampires, and I had no idea how much longer he would be gone. He hadn't called today, nor had he answered when I tried to call him.

So I was stuck here, a ghost, clinging desperately to King Alexander and King Xavier. It felt like I was siphoning off their life force to keep me going. I was a parasite, and I hated it.

With Julia and Sammy, I could always offer them something. Someone to rant to, someone that provided for them, just something... there was an obvious give or take. Now I was giving nothing, and receiving everything.

King Alexander was currently caring for me. King Xavier was called away to meet with the new guard arrivals.

I wasn't sure of my feelings towards them. They were my mates, we are supposed to be falling in love and building a life together, but I could barely say more than a few words to them.

"I want you and King Xavier to come with me to my next therapy appointment." I said softly.

King Alexander stopped typing and looked over at me. "Okay. When is your next appointment?"

"Not till next week."

"Okay. Just let me know when it is and I'll make sure Xavier and I come."

"Thank you."

I should probably invite King Sebastian along too, but I would feel more comfortable talking to him without Dr. Michaels present. King Alexander, Xavier, and I had a lot more to talk about. Stuff that I can't fully articulate. Stuff that Dr. Michaels should be able to help me talk about with them.