Two little psychopaths/ Vinnie Hacker story

Part 40

Your POV

I've unpacked my stuff nonchalantly.
I've showered. I've slept. Bu I haven't eaten.. I can't.. Vinnie was the only person who could help me eat and heal from my anorexia but here, in this new place, this new room, this house with  Chris in the other room, and Sarah in the room next to mine.

I've cried.

I've sobbed

I've cried over and over again.

I've dreamt too, I've dreamt of him, the
way he kissed me one last time at the
top of that grand staircase. I keep to
the rules we were imposed out of
habit. He reminds me every day but I don't know how long it will take till I can truly move on. I don't think I ever will. Unless my mind locks away all the trauma. I don't know which would be best.

Never forgetting, or never remembering. I can tell he's trying his best to cheer me up. I give him credit for that. I'm just not cooperating. I look like a zombie. All I do is hold my breath. All I do is hold back tears. I'm just alone in this new world.

Last time I had someone to catch me, now I just have myself. Every day I remind myself.

"If I really love him, I'll come back"
I don't know if I'm drowning or flying.
It's a weird feeling, it's quite awful
actually.

Just imagine being ripped apart from the one person who's been able to make you smile in your life, the only one who's treated you the way you should have always been treated.

It feels like he's dead, I'm not allowed
to see him. I don't know how he's
going, what he's doing.. I don't know.
I won't know. That's what kills me. I
can't see him, I have to get over it all.

I have to move on. I'm being forced to
let go of this amazing thing I've created, this amazing bond we've created, this amazing feeling that
bears the name of love and I don't think I can survive it.

This hasn't been a journey or an
adventure. This has been a lifetime for
me. My whole life has been nothing
but emptiness, numbness, and the
second I stepped into this crazy
asylum my whole world flipped for the
best and for the better.

I want to hear his voice, I want to feel
his touch, I want to smell his scent, I
want to feel his presence, his heart
against my hand, bouncing in his
chest, I want to see him rest peacefully, I want to dry his tears and calm his nightmares. I want him. I really really want him. He's all I want, there's nothing in this world that I would want more than Vincent Cole Hacker and I don't know how to live with that.
I can hear him in my head. he's saying sweet words,

"I'm right here, darling I'm right here,
close your pretty eyes babe, I'm right here watching you, I'll never let anyone or anything hurt you! Don't be afraid baby I'll always be right here by your side protecting you.. i love you"

and to these words, I fall into a deep
sleep

"Hey look at me Allison, i want you to remember, you're strong, you're loved, you're beautiful, so beautiful, and you belong here, I love You"

and to these words, I fall deeper in
love.