Ming

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I had seen the doubt in his eyes. He wasn't sure if he liked me or he treated me as only a friend. I know he didn't want to hurt me but the hesitation still hit me. I didn't want to make it difficult for him so I decided to step out.

When I had seen Park injured after the fight, the way my heart had lurched and how my tears had welled up, I knew instantly, I had fallen for this man. I guess, over time, him being there for me and his consistency made me fall for him. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to be there for him.

But he still wasn't sure of how he wanted me in his life. And I didn't want him to be forced into something or rush into making one. But calling him by his name was too intimate for me and I figured the seniority call will help in reminding me that he can be a friend but nothing more.

Time will tell but for now, I choose to take a step back. A few days later,  I went to school as usual. Went to the canteen and I found the boys there. I decided to join them for lunch upon Forth's invitation. I realized I didn't see Park anywhere so whilst having lunch, I casually asked Forth about him. He mentioned that Park was still stuck in class. I nodded my head and went back to my food.

"So, what was that about the other day?" I looked at Forth cautiously, knowing he was referring to me when I walked out midway on Park.
"Nothing P Forth."
"Nothing? Interesting. Didn't seem that way to me."
I just kept quiet, not wanting to say anything else. Forth just looked at me but didn't say anything further. Just then Park came to the table. He saw me and his eyes widened just a little bit but he quickly rearranged his facial expression.
"Hey" he nodded his head towards me. I waiied respectfully to him and went back to my food. Park sat down and started playing his game.

"Aren't you gonna eat?" Forth asked him.
"Later. I'm meeting my cousin sister for a late lunch when she's done." I just discreetly glanced at Park as he continued playing his game. I finished my lunch and then made my move as I had no more lessons. I decided to go for a run to just clear my head. I went off, placing my things in my dorm, changed into comfortable wear and made my way to the field. As I was walking to the field, I saw Park at the minimart, talking to a girl. It wasn't his cousin sister and she looked new. And flirtatious. She kept twirling her hand and standing in a very  "come hither" manner towards him. I could see he looked uncomfortable. He said something and tried to walk off but she pulled him back. I saw him clench his fist but he still tried to play it cool.

I saw red but decided to rein myself in abit. I walked over and went "Park!" They both turned to look at me. I smiled sweetly at Park and waiied at the girl respectfully.
"Sorry, were you waiting long for me?"
"No, not actually. You are done?"
"Yes I am. Shall we go? Who's this by the way?"
The girl stepped in to introduce herself as Park's junior and asked who I was. I just smiled sweetly at her and clasped my hands with Park. She looked at our interwined hands and the matching gear bracelets. She probably thought the bracelet was Park's and I didn't bother correcting her. Her face paled, she apologised profusely and she left. I watched her walk away. I took my hand away from Park once she had gone but he held onto it tight. I looked at him, he just cast a look towards our interwined hands. I looked at our hands too and it made me bittersweet. He finally let go and took his leave but after thanking me.

I watched him walk away. And my heart just sank again. I went off to the field and started running again. I kept at it for 2-3 hours and finally collapsed on the ground panting. I closed my eyes abit, catching my breath and then I heard someone's voice. A very familiar voice. I opened my eyes to see Park over me.

I sat up slowly and he sat down next to me, passing me a bottle of water. "You run way too much dont you?"

"Haha P. Not exactly. Just occasionally."

"Can't we go back to Park?"

I looked at him for a bit. I didn't know how to respond.

"I got used to you calling me Park. I don't let every junior call me Park. You know you are different to me. How exactly? I can't tell. I did tell you to be patient with me. Can't you?" Park uttered all of it whilst looking straight out. I looked down and sighed softly. I finally moved closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder just like previously. He instantly snaked his arm around my waist and held me tight. It was just like previously except this time, he was comforting me over him.

We stayed like that for a bit till it started drizzling. We quickly ran to the lot where his bike was parked. He offered me a ride home. We went back to my dorm.

"Can I stay over?" I looked at Park and chuckled. Roles seemed reversed for once. Usually I ask and this time he did. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. We took turns to shower and I did dinner for us too. He came over to help and soon we settled down to eat. After dinner; we spent some time watching movies until I dozed off on his shoulders. I woke up suddenly around 1am only to find the bed empty. I looked around and found Park at the balcony, smoking away. I went over and called out to him.

"Park. Are you okk?" He turned towards me and beckoned me to him. I went over and he pulled me towards him.
"Yes I am. Its just I couldn't sleep so wanted to just smoke abit.".
"What's on your mind?"
"Nothing.."
"Park, don lie. I can tell you are distracted. What's happening? What's bothering you?"
"It's not what. It's who."
"OK, who is bothering you? Tell me and I shall see to that person for you."
"See to that person? What do you mean?"
"Means I make sure they will never bother you again. Coerce, force, beg, plead or even beat them up."
Park just chuckled. He stubbed out his cigarette and brought me over to my mirror in front of my wardrobe.
"This person is the one bothering me. In a good way. Being on my mind constantly. I don't want to hurt this person with my indecisiveness but I cannot help but want this person around me at all times. How now?"

I looked at myself in the mirror as Park said all of it. I couldn't help but tear. Shit la, I been crying way too much lately. I just turned towards Park and hugged him. Tightly.

"Let this person be around you then all the time till you make up your mind. Because this person is also having a hard time pretending you are just a P to him and nothing more."
I croaked out tearily. Park held me tight and just kissed the top of my head gently in response.

I really have no idea on where we're heading but I know we cannot seem to be without each other.

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