Khudgarzi

8

Mera mann hai dard bhara
Mujh ko rah-e-ishq dikha
ho..Mein haari taqdeer
Bin ranjha mein heer
Peera ve peera o peera
Mein ho jaun na baaghi

TW: SLIGHT MENTION OF SELF HARM 

Three weeks later

The past three weeks, I've woken up feeling numb, with completely no hope. I feel like I have no one left to whom I could talk to. I called up my sister as my last hope and she told me to "deal with my own problems and not to call her ever again". My dad won't talk to me or won't let me talk to anyone. My husband is MIA and I don't know if he'd be back, my mother in law is abusive. I have no hope and I'm just so lost right now. Every breath at this point has become a battle.

Aunty beating me up was now a regular and instead of fighting back, I just let her. Even if I didn't do any wrong, I would still be beaten up. But aunty would smart, she'd hit me hard but not hard enough to leave bruises. So I really had no proof to tell anyone that I was being abused. Besides, who was I to tell. I was in the kitchen, as usual after a beating by aunty, chopping up vegetables, when I began thinking of how this very knife could end my suffering quickly. Besides, no one cares about me anymore. I'm yet another burden to my family. One slit on the wrist and its over, I can just get rid of this constant feeling of being worthless because its getting extremely hard to stay strong. 

I picked up the knife and examined it, I really was going to do this. I could hear a voice in the back of my head telling me not to do this but I shut it down. Closing my eyes, I angled the knife onto my wrist and put the slightest pressure when suddenly my phone rang, 

"Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar"

My MuslimPro app rang off notifying me for the Zuhr prayer. Dropping the knife to my side, I sat on the floor, hugging my knees, I started crying out loud. Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to end my life just like that? Did I forget the Almighty's promise when He said,

"God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear" 

Al-Qur'an (2:286)

I couldn't give up this easily, this was one of the many tests that the Almighty is putting me through, I need to live, I need to overshadow everything. I suddenly felt as if there was light at the end of the tunnel. Determined I got up, I was going to continue cooking later, I needed to pray Zuhr first and ask Allah for forgiveness, for He is All-Forgiving and All-Merciful. I exited the kitchen door to see my father in law standing there. I suddenly stopped in my tracks wide eyed scared that he would tell aunty. He slowly advanced towards me and I closed my eyes and flinched expecting a slap but he did the opposite, he put his hand on my head and told me to go do what I had to do and he'd handle aunty. 

I prayed Zuhr and cried and begged Allah for his mercy, I don't remember how long I kept my hands up in a dua'a but I kept them up till I felt light at heart, till I felt like my Lord had actually forgiven me. Looking up at the clock, I saw it was 2pm, I was in my room for 45 minutes and this was the time for lunch to be served. I went downstairs to find Uncle laying the table and chicken karahi in the serving bowl. There were a few bags indicating that uncle had ordered them from a local Indian restaurant,

Uncle smiled at me warmly and nodded whereas I could see aunty making a face on the table. I just smiled back awkwardly and made my way into the kitchen to see if I could find any leftovers for lunch. 

"Aylaaaa", I heard uncle call me 

I ran to the dining area to see what happened 

"Ayla beta, you're as much of my daughter as Saima and Sania, so you are going to sit on this very table and eat all of your meals with us", Uncle said

I stared at him, wide eyed still trying to process as to what had happened

"Lekin Abbas-" said aunty
(But Abbas-)

"Bas, I won't take no for an answer, Ayla beta c'mon yahan aake baitho shabash" he said
(Shush, I won't take no for an answer, Ayla c'mon and sit here!)

I just nodded and sat on the table and uncle filled up my plate and gave me a naan. I had a thousand thoughts going through my mind and my mother in law staring me down didn't help much . Gulping down my food, I quickly finished and was going to the kitchen to resume my remaining tasks when uncle said,

"Ayla beta, please make me a cup of tea and bring it to my study please"

I was officially in shock, this is probably the only time I've been talked to with respect ever since moving here. I mumbled a yes and went to the kitchen to quickly make a cup of tea. I went towards his study and I found uncle sitting there on his chair and he motioned me to put the cup of tea on the table and sit down

"Beta I wanted to talk to you about something", he said

"Jee uncle?" I said

"I would like to apologize on behalf of everyone of my family and also on behalf of myself, I'm extremely sorry for staying quiet when Nagina would scold you and beat you up, I feel like a coward who couldn't protect his daughter. I really would like for you to forgive me"

And with that, uncle came and tried to sit on his knees in front of me, I quickly stopped him 

"Uncle, although I was a bit hurt that you never took a stand for me, but you never abused me like the others. You're like my own father, I can't have you asking me for forgiveness like this. For your solace know that I never held a grudge against you", I said

"No one can hurt you now, if anyone does, just let me know and I will deal with them, aur haan, yeh uncle kya hota hai, call me baba, aaj say I'm your baba", he said

I instantly became teary eyed and thanked Allah for this. No doubt, it was all Him who caused this brought this beautiful change to baba's heart.

A/N: Hello hello! Another day, another update! *hairflip* okay but enough of my dramatics, sorry for going a bit dark in the start. Do lemme know how you like the story and don't forget to vote, comment AND PLS FOLLOW. BYEEEE!!