Intangible - An ACOTAR story

Twenty-four: Rift

A line of cool, grey dawn streaked across the horizon as Ellius stepped out onto the roof. He froze, alarmed to find Azriel seated at its edge, but it was too late. The male was already turning, despite Ellius's totally silent approach. It's as if he can sense me. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, tension pulling tight like an invisible elastic between them.

"You left."

"You wanted me to stay?" Azriel didn't rise from his seated position. His voice was flat. Emotionless. Ellius hadn't heard that voice in a while.

"You didn't say anything. You just ran out the door."

"Your shadows were under control. I saw no further reason to stay."

The words were a slap to the face. It was like the previous night had never happened. Ellius brushed his fingers over the bracelet on his wrist to remind himself this was still real. That he was here. That it had all, really happened.

"Did I do something wrong?", he asked, his voice sounding weaker than he would've liked. Had he gone too far in those last moments in the hall when he'd reached up to touch Az's tattoos? Had he been imagining everything he'd felt between them?

"No." Azriel's eyes finally flashed with emotion as he rose to his feet. Ellius felt exponentially small, standing before him. "No," Az repeated, "you did nothing wrong. I just..." his lips pressed together. Those hazel eyes searched with an almost terrifying intensity, as if the Shadowsinger was lost and his answer lay somewhere in Ellius' face. "You didn't... did you feel it?"

"Feel what?", Ellius asked, utterly baffled. What was going on? Azriel just shook his head, his expression clearing slightly.

"Never mind. It's of no consequence right now."

"That's very cryptic of you." Ellius tried for a light chuckle, taking a small step forward. Az smiled slightly, although it did not reach his eyes.
"We leave for Spring in an hour or two."

"I'd almost forgotten.", Ellius sighed, stepping around Azriel to gaze out over the city. He'd vanished his wings, but he nevertheless threw caution to the winds and took his companion's spot at the edge of the roof, feet dangling over the fatal drop.
"Careful there, Shadowsinger." Az dropped down beside him, resting his elbows on his thighs.

"It's alright. You'd catch me." The stupidity of the statement struck Ellius as soon as the words left his lips. Of course, he wouldn't catch you. He can't. No one can.

"Are you alright after..." Azriel trailed off, his eyes flicking downward to indicate Ellius' room.

"I'm fine."

"You don't have to pretend. I'm a hypocrite for saying it but... It's okay not to be okay." He met the spymaster's gaze fully at that, wondering what lay beneath those words. Wondering if anyone had ever been there to wake Azriel from the terrors of the night. The dark pits of memory.

"I'll be fine.", Ellius corrected. Az nodded curtly, clearly sensing his desire to drop the subject. They sat in silence for long minutes, that tension that hadn't been there before still hanging in the air between them. Ellius continued to wonder what he'd done. Perhaps he's realised what a burden I am? Maybe he regrets opening up to me. Smiling and laughing with me.

Ellius cursed himself for every time he pushed the other shadowsinger for more. Asked for help. Every time he-

"Whatever you're thinking about, stop thinking it.", Azriel snapped. Ellius whipped his head around to look at the male, noting the rigid lines of his body, the taught planes of his face.

"Oh, so you're telling me what to think now, are you?" Ellius wasn't sure where the anger in his voice came from, but it was as if something felt broken between them. Unfinished. Incomplete. He wasn't angry at the male. He was angry at himself because he couldn't figure out what he'd done to damage the fragile thing they'd built.